|Reviews for Sudden Fate and Goodbye|
| The Mad Puppeteer chapter 4 . 6/23/2011
Is this the last chapter?
| Tru Mel Meiko Mei Ling chapter 2 . 6/21/2011
Nice character interactions!
| Tru Mel Meiko Mei Ling chapter 1 . 6/21/2011
Solid with emotion
| The Mad Puppeteer chapter 3 . 5/22/2011
I like this fic, I don't know what to say in the review though. I just felt guilty for not reviewing such a great fic...
| cykekik chapter 1 . 4/22/2010
OMG! I love your DGM fics and Yugioh ones! You rule Chii-Dono!
| YiPrincess chapter 1 . 1/5/2010
Please update soon!D:
I really want to know what happens!
| waterlit chapter 2 . 8/16/2009
heh, this looks interesting! the first chapter was quite sad, in a way. update soon? :D
| Sailorstar165 chapter 1 . 6/14/2009
I write reviews as I read in an attempt to help the writers correct typos and to say exactly what I like. XD Please don't be offended by my pickiness. I'm just trying to be helpful. :) If you decide I'm actually helpful and want more help in the future, I am a Beta Reader for -Man among other things. :D
"I flustered, my peach-colored cheeks suddenly turned slightly pink." If you want turned, make that first comma a period and capitalize the m. If you want the comma, make turned "turning." Oh, and "I flustered" makes no sense. "I said, flustered" would probably work better, in which case you'd want to use the second correction for "turned"
A common error is using the number rather than the spelling, (i.e. 5 instead of five). The rule for that is numbers under 100 (99 and below) must be spelled out to be grammatically correct. So, all those numbers ought to be spelled out.
"I was mostly thought of as a daughter despite the difference" Um... I think you meant to put a period between daughter and despite...
O.o Wow. You got the dialogue stuff right. I’m not used to people being able to do that. XD Great job!
“Allen then held his head low in guilt.” Did you mean “hung” rather than “held”?
“16 year old” should be “sixteen-year-old”
“Allen, its time to go” Need the apostrophe in it’s. You mix up the contraction with the possessive a few times with it’s. If it can be separated to “it is,” use it’s.
“I quickly rode towards the said town” You don’t need “the” in there.
“I care of the most” should be “I cared for the most”
“My knees shook in every step” It should be “shook with”
Other than my annoying grammar talk, there are a few things I’d like to say, so please don’t hold it against me...
An OC telling the story, though interesting, is a little... I dunno... not advisable. I personally don’t mind Ocs, but there are a lot of people who would hate your fic for that. Just a heads up in case one of those jerk flamers show up. I like your OC, though. Not Mary-Sue. Actually has emotions besides “Happy” and “OMFGWTFBBQ!” XD I’ve seen many of those. lol
Over all, pretty good. I'd probably read more.