|Reviews for LIFE'S LITTLE JOY|
| Irate chapter 1 . 3/28/2012
WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK? YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU RAPED MY CHILDHOOD, ATE IT, AND THEN VOMITED IT OUT! GO TO HELL, YOU WORTHLESS TURD!
| LOL chapter 6 . 3/26/2012
All three of them followed Victor into the room where they put Anita. They all walked in. Mrs. Volt, and Mrs. Knight began to cry tears of happiness after seeing their little grandchildren for the very first time. "meet little Victor Jr. and Vanessa" said Anita. A nurse came in the room and said "Anita we will have to keep you here for three days" "Ok" said Anita who already knew she would be in the hospital for a few days. "I'm going to stay here with Anita for the next three days, if you want Mother-in-law, and Father-in-law I'll give you my house keys and you can stay at…" said Victor. "It's ok" interrupted Mr. Knight we are going to spend the next three days at your mother's with your mother. And the three days had gone by Victor and Anita had to sign some release forms for Anita to go home. They both signed the forms and Anita was released from the Hospital." as soon as they got home Victor and Anita decided to plan a late baby shower since they had forgotten all about that.
You mean to tell me they were too busy to plan a baby shower during that time? That's just flat-out lazy writing, you bastard author. Did you think through this hard enough?
In the meantime Victor and Anita would celebrate having their children. Victor and Anita would began to raise some children who would someday change the world in way that can benefit mankind. You know what they say "The children are our future" and so Victor and Anita along with little Victor Jr. and Vanessa could now be one very happy Family. And that is All Victor And Anita ever wanted, to have children and big one very happy family.
You mean "one big very happy family", right?
This pregnancy story blowed! Great swell God is this author retarded! Not only did he anal rape our beloved animated kids version of "The Avengers", but he also decided to be as energetic as Garfield and use his own fictitious bullshit to replace the universe because he didn't like it! Why did he change so much? My guess is he wrote this, alongside his other fanfics, to vent out his anger and frustration from being rejected so many times by the women he was trying to make the moves on into sexist, misogynistic shit that burdens our very fandom. Agentmatt, if you're reading this, I have but something to say: Rest in Hell, you waste of sperm and egg. May an army of devils sink thee to thy death. Or you could just GET A LIFE!
| LOL chapter 6 . 3/26/2012
"Start breathing, start breathing" said Victor. Victor grabbed the key to his skybike. "We got to get you to the hospital now" said Victor.
This is Victor through this author's eyes, everyone. Get used to this vision because you'll see it again in "Sneaky Agent".
Victor using a bit of strength lifted Anita's pregnant body off the couch.
Holy shit! He just picked her up like that? Is that how he would've done it in the show? I'm actually shocked to be reading this.
"Do you want to take the ambulance or the skybike" Asked Victor. "The skybike" began Anita "We don't have time to wait for the ambulance." "You are right began Victor we can't wait that long." "Oww Oww" Anita groaned in pain. Victor carried her out to the skybike. "Your.. Oww.. Strong" said Anita not knowing that Victor could carry her after all the weight she gained, she always knew he was stronger than her but she didn't know he was that much stronger.
Have you ever tried carrying a pregnant woman in your arms? Not that easy, unless she's a little person. By the way, there's a run-on sentence somewhere in this "paragraph".
Victor got on the skybike with Anita in his arms and his key in his mouth. Victor released one of his arms so he could take the key out of his mouth and start up the skybike. Victor started up the skybike and sped out fast holding on to Anita tightly. There was a button the skybike that read hyper drive boost.
Where? I never saw a button like that in any episodes I watched.
Victor had remembered on time when Professor Professor had told him not to touch that button unless there's an emergency to where he needs speed to. Up until now Victor never thought he would need.
Does this guy know any English at all? My guess is no.
"I've got to push it" thought Victor "And I got to push now if I want to get Anita to the hospital in time" so he pushed the button. VRRRRMMMMMM sounded Victor's skybike as he flew out at about 120 miles an hour. Since this was a skybike and in air they didn't have to worry about traffic. Victor squeezed in the brake lever in the front of the skybike as he closed in near the hospital. Still carrying Anita ran into the hospital emergency room and said "Quick she's going into labor."
I just can't get over it. Victor's actually strong enough to carry a woman who probably gained 35-40 pounds during her pregnancy and she doesn't even slow him down. She's probably so scared shitless that she doesn't do anything. Victor, man. No one fucks with him. Not even Alphonse.
the nurse got up and ran into another room to grab a wheelchair. Shortly after she came back and shouted "I need some nurses over here now, she is going into labor, now, now, now I need some nurses in here now"
Nurse: "Code red! Code red! This lady's having a baby here! We've never experienced anything like that in this hospital before! Code red!"
about two minutes later three nurses ran over to Victor and Anita. The nurses wheeled Anita into the delivery room. "Do you want your husband to come in the delivery room or stay out of the delivery room?" asked nurse 1. "I want Victor to come in the delivery room with me" said Anita. "Very well" said nurse 2. "this baby is coming soon" said nurse 3 "In fact sometime in the next hour this baby…"
Unless the third nurse was psychic, there's no way she would've known the baby would be born in an hour. Women are unique to a point where the duration of giving birth is totally different. Oh, the wonders research can do for authors like you.
"Babies" began victor after cutting nurse 3 off "Anita and I are having twins" "My mistake" began nurse 3 "Sometime in the next hour these babies will be born."
Again, she's not psychic so she can't possibly know that.
Victor pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. "can I use this in here" asked Victor "go ahead said nurse 3" Victor hurried up and called his mother and said "Mom Anita and I are in the hospital delivery room Anita has gone into labor." "Oh my…." said Mrs. Volt. "I coming now, I'll be right there in few minutes." Victor hung up the phone. He then called Mr. and Mrs. Knight. "Hello it's Victor" said Victor "Where are you" began Mr. Knight "Me and my wife are at your front door we'd thought we'd just stop by and surprise you"
*sarcasm* Oh my! They truly are great parents. So great that they didn't realize that their daughter and son-in-law were already gone when they decided to visit.
"Anita and I are at the hospital." began Victor. "Anita is going into Labor" "What, you are where, we will be right there" is all Mrs. Knight herd her husband Mr. Knight say. "What is going on and who was that" asked Mrs. Knight" "That was Victor" began Mr. Knight "Him and Anita are at the hospital, Anita is going into labor." "Oh my…" began Mrs. Knight "we better go to the hospital now." "Where in the hospital is Victor" asked Mrs. Knight. "He is in the delivery room with Anita right now" said Mr. Knight. Meanwhile Victor was answering a lot of questions the nurses were asking, so Anita wouldn't have to. About a minute later his cell phone rang it was his mom, Victor answered the phone. "Hello" said Victor. "It's me your Mom" began Mrs. Volt. "Listen I'm here in the hospital, I'm going to be in the waiting room down the hall from the delivery room." "Ok, I will see in a little while bye" said Victor. "Bye said Mrs. Volt as she nervously sat down in the waiting room. No more than two minutes later Victor's cell phone rang again. It was Mr. and Mrs. Knight. Victor answered the phone again and just like before he said "Hello" "It's me your father in-law" began Mr. Knight "Listen me and my wife are in the hospital now we are heading down to the waiting room just down the hall from the delivery room" "My mom is here to" began Victor "she should be down in that same waiting room you are heading towards when you get there" "we will look for her" said Mr. and Mrs. Knight at the same time. When Mr. and Mrs. Knight arrived at the waiting room they spotted Mrs. Volt, and sat down next to her.
That was easy.
Back in the delivery room Victor had to put a mask on is face and wear one of those green medical hair nets. Just like that that whole hour went by.
Just like what?
The midwife came into the room. "It's time, It's time" said the midwife" Victor held Anita's hand and said "Ok when you feel any pain you can squeeze my hand." "Ok I will" whispered Anita. "Here we go said" the midwife "At the count of ten I want you take deep breaths for every number I say" "1" Anita took a deep breath, "2" followed by another, "3" and another, "4" and another, up to the count of ten. "ok" continued the midwife "I am going to count to three, after I say three I want you to push ok" "I'll try" said Anita in a lot of pain.
Yoda: "Do or do not. There is no try."
"1" began the midwife "2" "3" "push" "I can't, I can't" said Anita "Yes you can" said the midwife, "Just push" "I'll try" said Anita who was crying in pain.
I don't think Yoda wants to repeat himself.
"push, push" said the midwife." Anita began to push. Anita began to scream "" "I see a head, said I see a head" said Victor who was actually able to watch everything without passing out.
Victor: "Did I mention I see a head? I see a head!"
"ow" said Victor after Anita began to really squeeze his hands. "Ahhhhhhh" Anita continued to scream as the first child fully came out. "Ok one more to go" said the midwife. Anita began to squeeze Victor's hands really tight as she screamed in pain. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." as the second baby's head started to pop out.
Yeah, in other words, the final baby was crowning.
"Here comes her head" said Victor. "Ok" just keep pushing your almost done" said the midwife. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." screamed Anita as the second baby fully came out. Soon all of the after birth came out.
Ew. You didn't need to mention the afterbirth. (In case you don't know, it's the placenta or there's more, depending on how many kids you were carrying at the time)
Anita was now in a normal hospital room holding both of the babies in her arms. "They are such good looking babies." said Victor "They sure are" said Anita "by the way said Victor my mom, and both of your parents are in the waiting room just down the hall" "Go get them" said Anita it's time for them to meet their grandchildren. Before Victor left the midwife came in with some forms. One of the forms was for the twins' birth certificate.
Don't multiples usually have separate birth certificates, not a joint one? I'm just saying.
"What are their names?" asked The midwife. "The boy's name" began Victor "Is Victor Thomas Jefferson Volt Jr. "And the girl's name" began Anita "Is Vanessa Alexandra Volt." the mid wife wrote all of that down. Victor and Anita filled out all of those papers. After they were finished Victor ran to the waiting room down the hall from the delivery room he said "Mom, Mother-in-law, Father-in-law it's time for you to meet your new grandchildren.
Victor, you can just call your parents-in-law by their names, whatever the hell their names are in this fanfic.
| LOL chapter 5 . 3/26/2012
Ten minutes later the nurse arrived. "I'm starting having mild contractions" said Anita. "I see the contractions are mild are they happening very often" said the nurse. "No" said Anita. "Then I wouldn't worry if they are not happening often you don't need to get alarmed, if they contractions get closer and closer apart or in other words happen often or if your water breaks go to the hospital" said the nurse. "Ok" said Anita. The nurse got ready to leave but before she did she said "Just on more thing I wont be coming over here anymore because you will you should having that baby soon so you no longer need my assistance, it was a pleasure helping you and I wish you the best of time so goodbye and good luck"
The nurse is aware they're having twins, right?
"Thank you shouted both Victor And Anita at the same time. "Your Welcome" said the nurse as she left the house. The next day Victor and Anita were sitting down watching a funny movie, just like always they were laughing hard.
They always laugh like they're high? I know whatever movie they're watching must be funny (I'm assuming they're watching Superbad), but this author is insisting that they laugh like fuckin' hyenas. Maybe they've found Changed Daily's names to be funny for so long that even the comedy movies that seem moderately funny are incredible to them.
"I'm going to go make some popcorn" said Victor. Go ahead said Anita who's contractions were getting closer and closer. Anita continued laughing when all of a sudden the couch was covered in water. She knew. Her water had broke.
Now I'm going to ask again: Why did her water break at that moment? Was she laughing so hard that she broke her amniotic sac and leaked water all over the couch (trust me, that would make some sense, I believe) or did her water happen to break coincidentally with her laughing at the movie? I'm a little confused here.
Anita began to scream "VICTOR, VICTOR." Victor ran in the living room as fast he could and said "what is wrong" Victor saw the water. "Victor" began Anita "it's….it's time"
Alice: "It's baby time!"
To Be Continued…
| LOL chapter 5 . 3/26/2012
"Hold up, wait a second" began Victor. "I'm not fainting this time so that we can go home tell our parents everything come back in a week and find out that we are having even more babies than we thought."
He is right, you know. I'm getting sick of this fuckin' cocktease method of telling your parents you're expecting multiples!
"Wait I made another mistake" began Dr. David Shaw "you are having quintuplets, no you are having septuplets, no you are having octuplets." "Noooooo" shouted Victor as he woke up in the waiting room of the hospital.
What the hell? Did he black out in the room earlier and have to be taken to the waiting room to wait it out?
Anita looked over to Victor and said "Are you alright" "I'm fine" said Victor. "Good" said Anita "because we are next, and I can't wait to see whether or not we ware having two boys, or two girls, or one boy and one girl" "Wait a minute two" said Victor. "Yes silly" began Anita "We are having twins remember." "You mean it was all a dream" asked Victor. "Yes, and what are you talking about?" asked Anita
I'm just going to ask right now: Wouldn't it've made more sense to have the dream before the sonogram where they found out about the twins rather than afterward? The dream seemed to make no sense, but then again, you'd expect that from all dreams. Also this dream lasted from the end of chapter 3 to the beginning of this chapter, which in fanfic years, would have to have lasted about an hour. Did he just black out while they were waiting?
"I had dream" began Victor "That we kept having to come back every single week and every time we did Dr. David Shaw would tell us we are having more and more children"
God, this author seems to have failed English big-time. Victor sounds like he's speaking broken English as if he was from another country, like from Estonia, for instance.
Victor took a breath. "Go on" said Anita
What, is she his therapist now?
"First" began Victor "Dr. David Shaw said we were having triplets then he said we were having quadruplets then he said we were having quintuplets, then he said we were having septuplets and then he said we were having octuplets" "You can relax" began Anita "It was just a dream we are only having twins."
And this is the last time we'll see the real Anita Knight.
"Number 3" said the nurse. "That's us" said Victor as him and Anita both followed the nurse into the sonogram room. The nurse got Victor and Anita seated. " Dr. David Shaw will be in here with you in about five to ten minutes" said the nurse. So Victor and Anita sat Quietly waiting for Dr. David Shaw. In about eight minutes Dr. David Shaw came into the room. " You two still can't wait to see the genders of your twins can't You" asked Dr. David Shaw with a grin on his face.
Be specific. Did he have a shit-eating grin or what?
"Were eager to find out" said Anita. "Lets find out their genders, ok this should take about five minutes" said Dr. David Shaw as he started to perform the sonogram." with in five minutes the sonogram was over. "Ok it's time for me to give you the results" began Dr. David Shaw. "Now are two ready" asked Dr. David Shaw."
"Now are two ready" All it's missing is the word "you" and a question mark.
"Yes" said Victor. "We are ready" said Anita. "Ok" began Dr. David Shaw "You will be having both a boy and a girl" said Dr. David Shaw.
I personally like when the twins are revealed to be mixed-gender because having an instant family of four in just one birth is like a dream come true. If only more women were lucky to have it happen naturally, especiallly when they're so young.
"I hope none of you got too nervous waiting to find out their genders" began Dr. David Shaw "Because you would surprised how many of my patients got so nervous that they had nightmares about too much children or birth defects and other problems while waiting for this kind of information."
Hold up, hold up. "Too much children"? "TOO MUCH CHILDREN"? You meant "too many children", right? OH MY GOD! I can't believe you'd fuck up like this. There is no doubt you never paid attention in English class, you dumbass! How much of a dumbass are you? In fact, if you look up "dumbass" in the dictionary, you'll find a picture of... *sees a picture of Homer Simpson in the dictionary* Well, it should be you in there!
"I can relate" began Victor "Because I dream that we were having more and more kids each and every time we came here" "That does not happen that often" began Dr. David Shaw "I mean I've been a doctor for 22 years and I have only seen it two times." "You've seen it before" asked Victor. "Yes" replied Dr. David Shaw "But you have absolutely nothing to worry about because I Am 1000 percent positive that you and Anita Are having twins"
A thousand percent? Wow, now that is a really high percentage!
"oh and by the way Anita" "Yes" said Anita "You are six and a half months pregnant." said Dr. David Shaw.
Thank you, Captain Obvious.
"You mean mine and Victor's babies are going to be born in two and a half months" asked Anita.
"Exactly" said Dr. David Shaw. Victor and Anita got up and began to leave the hospital.
"You two have a really good day" said Dr. David Shaw. "You too" replied Victor and Anita at the same time. "And good luck" said Dr. David Shaw. "Thanks" said Victor. "Thank you" said Anita. As Victor and Anita walked out they were both smiling at the idea of both a boy and a girl.
Yes, it is so blissful to get those kids in any way. That's why I love these kind of stories, that is, if they're done right.
"Now to tell each of our parents" said Anita. "You know what" began Victor "Instead of telling each of our parents individually why don't we tell them at the same time." "That is a really good idea" said Anita "Lets go pick up your mother and bring to our house since my parents decided to stay the week they should be at our house right now" "If your parents went out for a while" began Victor "We will wait for them to get back before we say anything."
so They went to Mrs. Volt's house. "Hey mom would you like to stay the night at our house" asked Victor. "I would love to" said Mrs. Volt. "My parents are staying the week in the guest room, so you will have to stay in the spare room however when the babies we are going to give them the spare room."
When the babies what? It's like that one line in My Immortal. How did it go again? "Just as I Draco kissed me passionately..."
So they brought her to their house. Mr. and Mrs. Knight were watching tv. "We're back" said Anita. Mrs. Volt sat down. "What happened" asked Mrs. Knight. Did you find out their gend…?" asked Mrs. Volt as Victor cut her off and said "relax this is what happened" after about an hour both Victor and Anita had told and explained everything to Mr. and Mrs. Knight, and Mrs. Volt. "Everything is going to seem to happen so fast" Warned both Mrs. Volt and Mrs. Knight. And just like that a month and a half gone by and Mr. and Mrs. Knight went home. It was time for Victor and Anita to go to see Dr. David Shaw again. "Anita is now eight months pregnant" began Dr. David Shaw
Thanks again, Captain Obvious.
"She is now going to be on maternity leave, so I am going to write a letter that can be given to her boss so that she wont get fired, but for now on she needs to stat home, however I will still need to check up on her so a nurse will stop by your house every week."
Stay at home? She may be heavily pregnant but she can still go outside and walk around the city. Why would you think pregnant women needed to be bedridden?
Anita's stomach was now big and everyone could tell she was getting even closer to having the baby.
I thought she was having twins. Wow. Talk about a gaping plot hole right there.
As soon as Victor got home he got on the phone and called Little Little Lovely Linda to tell him that Anita is on bed rest leave they didn't give Dr. Shaw Little Little Lovely Linda's new name because by the time he would get the letter his name would be changed, not only that but they can't let everyone know that they work for U.Z.Z. "Hello" began Victor "Little Little Lovely Linda it's me Victor" "That's not my name" said Little Little Lovely Linda" "oh that is right said Victor you got another new name, what is it today?" "I take security very seriously and for reasons of security" began Little Little Lovely Linda "My name is changed daily today if you need me for anything, and I mean anything at all you may call me" his communicator beeped "OOOOOOHHHH Sandy Wandy Dandy Mandy" Victor began laughing. "Ok anyway Sandy Wandy Dandy Mandy I just wanted to inform you that Anita is on bed rest and after our babies are born she will be on maternity leave so she wont be able to work for a few months" "Very well she can take off as much time as she needs and good luck" said Sandy Wandy Dandy Mandy. "Thank you" said Victor "Your welcome" said Sandy Wandy Dandy Mandy as Victor hung up the phone. "His new name is Sandy Wandy Dandy Mandy said Victor Laughing. Anita was laughing to. And just like that three more weeks have gone by. The nurse now getting ready to leave after making her third check up on Anita before she left she said "I just want to let you know soon you are going to start to feel pains or contractions this can be a sign of going into labor." The nurse then left. The next week came and Anita was now 9 months pregnant. Anita woke up as usual, and as usual Victor was already up. Anita said "Victor" "Yes" said Victor. "I'm starting to feel mild contractions" said Anita. "The nurse should be here soon" began Victor "Maybe she could tell us what we need to do" "Right" began Anita "lets wait for her"
Maybe this is how Jillian from Family Guy or Lindsay from Total Drama would react if they were going into labor, but Anita's smart enough to know what a fucking contraction is! GOD!
| LOL chapter 4 . 3/26/2012
Victor stood still just before he fainted again. "Triplets" began Victor. "First it was twins and , and now triplets, are you sure."
Now that's the Victor I know and love.
"Do I really have to give that lecture about how I know I am sure?" asked Dr. David Shaw. "No" replied Victor. "You don't have to give us that lecture again."
What he said, basically.
"I'll check again if you want me to" said Dr. David Shaw. "go ahead" said Anita. So Dr. David Shaw performed another sonogram on Anita. A minute later Dr. David Shaw turned around and said "It looks like your having triplets but I'm not sure, so I am going to have to run a few more tests to be sure." "I cant perform a couple of tests today, so you will in have to come back in a week." began Dr. David Shaw. "Then I will be able to run those tests." Dr. David Shaw left the room. So Victor and Anita quietly waited for Dr. David Shaw to come back. While Victor and Anita were waiting they began to talk. "We might be having triplets" said Victor. "I know" said Anita. "This is going to be tough" began Anita. "I mean it is wonderful but it is also hard a the same time because it is a lot of responsibility." "It is" said Victor "But if we can just work hard and pull together we can make this work." "Your absolutely right" said Anita. "If we work hard enough we really even make this work, these are our children and we will do everything we can do to be the best parents we can possibly be" "Now that's the spirit" said Victor as Dr. David Shaw walked into the room.
Didn't they have a discussion like this when they thought they were just having twins?
"I ran some tests" began Dr. David Shaw. "But I need to perform the other tests in order to be able to get the results from the tests that I already performed." "We will be back here in a week" said Anita as her and Victor started to leave the hospital. Victor Anita were going to tell each of their parents about the possibility of having triplets.
Did they suddenly fuse into one being? Also keep this in mind because this next paragraph or whatever I should call it in this trainwreck is going to contradict this paragraph.
"Lets not say anything yet" said Victor. "Why not" asked Anita. "Because" began Victor. "We don't want to get their hopes up about them possibly having three grandchildren on the way." "Why don't we want them to know about that possibility" asked Anita. "Because" began Victor. "There is a possibility that we might not be having triplets at all." "I sill think that we should tell them something" said Anita. When Victor and Anita got back home Anita began to tell her parents everything.
See? I spotted this plot hole myself.
"The doctor performed the sonogram" Anita began to say to her parents. "He then made a discovery" "What kind of discovery" asked Mr. Knight in a nervous deep voice. "Mom, Dad" began Anita" "We might be having triplets" Mr. and Mrs. Knight paused and looked very speechless. "Your saying" said Mrs. Knight as tear rolled down her face. "Yes mom" began Anita "You and dad might have three grandchildren."
This author: "You're having three children at once when you're expecting triplets. Just thought I'd let you know."
Anita told her parents everything.
Didn't you just say that before?
"I have to go back next week to go back to the hospital to have a couple of more tests taken" Meanwhile Victor went to his mother's house to talk. "Hey mom" said Victor" "Yes sweetie" said Mrs. Volt "When Anita and I went to the hospital earlier today" began Victor. "The doctor made a hard but great discovery." "What discovery could that be?" asked Mrs. Volt. "Well mom" began victor "Well what?" said Mrs. Volt "The doctor discovered that you might not have two grandchildren." "WHAT" said Mrs. Volt in scared voice"
Oh em gee! The author cockteased again!
"Mom" said Victor trying to calm her down. "You might have three" "You mean?" asked Mrs. Volt. "Yes mom" began Victor "Anita and I might be having triplets" Mrs. Volt just could not get herself to say a word. "Triplets" said Mrs. Volt. "Yes mom" began Victor. "Anita and I might be having triplets" Back at Victor and Anita's house Anita was preparing dinner for her, Victor, and her parents. Anita Kept thinking "I can't wait until Victor gets back this way he can help me with this." About a half hour later victor came back. "Where e you" asked Anita in a rather calm voice. "I was at my mother's house" began Victor. "I told my mom everything." "Everything?" asked Anita "Everything" said Victor "Everything as in there is a chance that we might be having triplets" asked Anita. "Yes" said Victor. "I told how we possibly might be having triplets, if you want you can call and ask her" "No, that's ok I believe you" said Anita. Just like that the week went by. Victor and Anita went back to the hospital and just like before were given a number card. "What number did we get this time?" asked Anita. Victor looked at the card. "This time our number is…ah..3" said Victor. "Just like last time" said Anita.
Well, there's no connection here.
"Yup just like last time" replied Victor. The nurse called "number 1"and took care of number 1. About two minutes later the nurse called "number 2" and took care of number 2. Then finally three minutes later the nurse called "number 3" "That's us said Victor. Just like before they followed the nurse into the into a room. "Dr David Shaw will be in, in about five minutes" said the nurse. "Ok no problem" said Anita. Five minutes later Dr. David Shaw walked into the room. "Ok, Anita are you ready for the next couple tests" asked Dr. David Shaw "I am ready when you are" replied Anita. "Very well" said Dr. David Shaw. Anita followed Dr. David Shaw into another room where he performed the couple of tests that he needed to perform which took a few hours. "I should have the results in a few days" said Dr. David Shaw as he Victor, and Anita walked out of the room. Victor and Anita went back home after that long day at the hospital with Dr. David Shaw. Victor and Anita returned to work. They were in the briefing room waiting for orders when the U.Z.Z. base was under attack by T.H.E.M. Dolly Dolly The Dancing Diaper walked into the room and said "This T.H.E.M. attack on U.Z.Z. is a big breech in security, and as you know I take security very very seriously and for reasons of the tightest tightest security my name is changed daily today if you shall need me for anything you may call me" his communicator beeped "OOOOOHHHHH…. Little Little Lovely Linda" everybody started laughing. Just then
lasers began shooting into entire U.Z.Z. base. "Code custard" shouted Little Little Lovely Linda "Code Custard" This battle between U.Z.Z. went from everyone getting hit by lasers to everyone being covered in pudding and feathers.
Wow. A scene that should've been cut from "The Secret Show" itself and I can barely even read a damn thing. Why isn't he friends with the "Enter" key?
On their way home from work Victor and Anita were a little aggravated about the whole battle between U.Z.Z. and T.H.E.M. Even though U.Z.Z. won everybody was still in pain from the lasers and covered in pudding and feathers including Victor and Anita. "This was nothing but a very annoying day" said Victor. "And this day just couldn't get any worse" said Anita.
Uh-oh. You just jinxed it, Blondie.
Victor and Anita were sitting in the living room watching television when their phone rang. Victor put the phone on speaker and said "hello" Dr. David Shaw's voice came on and said "Mr. and Mrs. Knight I need you to come down here as soon as possible because the results came in and I have something really Important that I need to tell you." So victor and Anita ran down to the hospital where they frantically waited for Dr. David Shaw. A few minutes later Dr. David Shaw told Victor and Anita to follow him so they did. He than said "The results are in, and there one hundred percent accurate" "Mr. and Mrs. Volt" said Dr. David Shaw. "Yes" said both Victor and Anita at the same time. "Your not having triplets" said Dr. David Shaw. "We're not" said Anita in a scared voice with a scared look on her face. "We're not" said Victor looking and sounding nervous. "Nope" began Dr. David Shaw" "You are not having triplets You are having QUADRUPLITS."
Wow. He misspelled "quadruplets". Hey, author, learn to spell, you dumbass.
To Be Continued…
| LOL chapter 3 . 3/26/2012
"Wh…..wh…." began Victor. "No, my ears must be going" continued Victor. "Because could have sworn I just heard you say that we are having twins." "you are" said Dr. David Shaw.
Victor: "There's gotta be a mistake. Surely, I'm just hearing things."
Dr. Shaw: "No. You really are having twins. I just said so a moment ago."
"Tw…tw…." began Victor tw…tw….tw…oooooo" Vitctor fainted just like he did when Anita first told him she was pregnant.
Again, it's funny when Victor faints.
"Are you sure?" asked Anita. "yes I'm sure" began Dr. David Shaw "I can clearly see two babies in the sonogram, not to mention the 10 years I spent training to be able to tell whether or not a person is having twins, or quadruplets, or even octuplets" continued Dr. David Shaw "so there for I am absolutely positively sure that twins you are having twins.
"I know multiples when I see 'em, lil' lady, so shut yo' mouth!"
"I was just asking" said Anita.
"Sh'yeah, I just asked if you were sure. Gosh!"
"this is your first time being pregnant isn't it?" asked Dr. David Shaw. "It is" said Anita.
Well, of course. Isn't it obvious by now?
"I can tell" said Dr. David Shaw "because you both seem mad nervous, I mean not that I couldn't tell when you asked me if I was sure, or when Victor fainted by the way does he do that a lot?"
"I ask that because it's rather annoying."
"no" said Anita "just once in a while".
Really? I thought he did it all the time, next to screaming like a little girl when something scared him.
"It is time for Anita and I to be on our way" said Victor.
Who are you to decide when it's time to go, Gary Stu?
"Before you go" began Dr. David Shaw, "I expect to see you both here in a month"
Again, am I the only one who finds it a little communistic that people in this world are forced to get sonograms with or without an appointment set up first?
"Do you know the gender or genders of the babies yet?" asked Victor. "Not yet" said Dr. David Shaw. "But I will know the next time you come in for a sonogram." "Alright we will be here next month to find out the gender… I mean genders of our babies" said Anita.
Don't you think it's a bit odd that they're okay with this apparently Communist constitutional monarchy?
"We really have to get used the fact that we are having two babies not one baby" said Victor when he and Anita were on their way out of the hospital. Victor and Anita had a lot to talk about now, and a some people they were going to have to call. Victor called his mom. "How was Anita' sonogram?" asked Mrs. Volt. "It went well" began Victor. "Except for the fact that w are not having A baby." "Your not" asked Mrs. Volt" in a nervous tone.
This author did it again. He used that cruel cocktease way to tell someone they were having twins.
"No mom we are not having A baby, we are having TWINS" said Victor. "You mean I'm going to…" began Mrs. Volt. "Have two grandchildren" said Victor.
This author: "When you're having twins, you're having two kids at once. I'm just throwing it out there."
Mrs. Volt was speechless as she began to cry tears of happiness. This conversation lasted five hours straight.
Five hours straight? That's too long to be having a conversation like this, especially after that cocktease.
Anita got on the phone to call her parents but nobody was home. The answer machine came on in Mr. Knights Voice said "you have reached Mr." and in Mrs. Knights voice "and Mrs." and in both Mr. and Mrs. Knight's voices "Knight, we can't come to the phone right now so
please leave a message the tone after, and we will get back to you as soon as possible, Beep"
Really? They don't have names? Is it me or do they remind me of Timmy Turner's parents in which they don't have names either?
"Hello mom and dad it is me Anita" began Anita "I just wanted to call to tell you something important so as soon as you get this message please call me back, thank you, I love you, bye" Anita hung up. "I wonder where they can be" said Anita. "It beats me" said Victor. ".I'll just call them back in a little while" said Anita. A little while later she tried calling them again. Just like before the answer machine came on again in Mr. Knights Voice it said "you have reached Mr." and in Mrs. Knights voice "and Mrs." and in both Mr. and Mrs. Knight's voices "Knight, we can't come to the phone right now so please leave a message the tone after, and we will get back to you as soon as possible, Beep"
What's with this wall of text? And what's with these seemingly-random marks scattered throughout? Is the author that incapable of using a goddamn keyboard?
"Yeah it's me again" began Anita "I just wanted to see if you were there but I guess your not so I'll call you back some other time, I love you, bye."
the same thing happened the next day and the day after that. "Where can they be?" said Anita in a worried voice. "I bet they are just fine" said Victor trying to comfort Anita. "I sure hope so" said Anita. It was Monday again and Victor and Anita had to work again. They went into the briefing room where butter bum bum the boo boo keys was about to give orders and get another new name. butter bum bum the boo boo keys cleared his throat and said "right now there is no security breech right now, but you know I take security very seriously, as you know for reasons of security my name is changed daily" today if you need me at all you may call me…BEEP" "OOOOOHHHHHH Dolly Dolly The Dancing Diaper." Everybody began to laugh. Victor and Anita both got up. "We would like to make an announcement" said Victor. "We are not having a baby" began Anita. "We are having Twins" said Victor. Later on that night when Victor and Anita got home Anita tried calling her parents again. But just like before nothing, no answer just the answer machine. Two weeks went by Anita started to show even more. She still hadn't heard from her parents yet all she got was the answer machine which said in Mr. Knights Voice it said "you have reached Mr." and in Mrs. Knights voice "and Mrs." and in both Mr. and Mrs. Knight's voices "Knight, we can't come to the phone right now so please leave a message the tone after, and we will get back to you as soon as possible, Beep." Anita left another message that said "Mom, Dad it's me again I just wanted to see if you were home because I have got something very important I need to tell you, I'm also starting to get worried because I haven't heard anything from you yet in almost a month so please call me back, I love you bye. Victor did what ever he could to help her get her mind off of' her parents so that she wouldn't feel more and more worried about them each and every second. Just like that that another week and a half went by. Anita was worried about her parents. Victor was just about to give her a hug to calm her down when the heard their door bell ring.
So I guess after about a month, they finally assumed the worst.
Victor and Anita both went to see who it was. When Victor opened the door Anita began to smile after she saw it was her parents. "Where were you" asked Anita. "I have been trying to get a hold of you for almost a month" "We were on a cruise" said Mrs. Knight. "A one month cruise, well it was supposed to be one month but we didn't want to wait a day longer to come over here so we left the cruise early" said Mr. Knight.
Wow. You left home for a terribly convenient one-month cruise, unaware of the fact that you left your pregnant daughter worrying herself to death? You guys deserve "Parents of the Year". Sarcasm.
"I'm glad you came down here" began Anita. "because I have something to tell you" What is it" said Mrs. Knight. "After I had the sonogram" began Anita "Victor and I found out that we are not having A baby" "Your not" said Mrs. Knight with a sad look.
Mrs. Knight (AKA Viva): *sobbing* "How could I not see this coming? My oldest daughter had a miscarriage."
"No" began Victor. "We are not having A baby we are having Twins"
Mrs. Knight (AKA Viva): "Cocktease!"
"We have to go to the hospital tomorrow for the next sonogram" said Anita. "why don't you spend a week with us" asked Anita. "We'd love to" said Mrs. Knight so they unpacked their stuff and settled in the guest room. The next day came. Victor and Anita were in the hospital in the waiting room. Just like last time they were given a number. "What is our number this time?" asked Anita. "3" said Victor .
I'm sensing a connection between the number they were given and the number of babies they found out they were expecting. I have a feeling they're actually expecting triplets.
The nurse called number 1 two minutes later. About five minutes later number 2 was called. In ten more minutes number 3 was called. Just like last time they followed the nurse into the sonogram room. The nurse did some tests. Dr. David Shaw came in the room. "Lets get this show on the road said Dr. David Shaw. Dr. David Shaw performed the sonogram just like last time. Dr. David Shaw turned around and said "Mr. and Mrs. Volt I made a mistake, you are not having twins" "We're not" said both Victor and Anita at the same time with a worried look on both of their faces"
I'm about to see if I was right. Come on. Come on.
"Nope your not having twins" began Dr. David Shaw. "Mr. and Mrs. Volt You are having TRIPLETS"
OHMYGOD! I WAS RIGHT! I WAS RIGHT! I'm a psychic!
To Be Continued...
| LOL chapter 2 . 3/26/2012
Victor paused completely for five minutes straight.
That seems like an awfully long time to be silent.
About two more minutes later he finally got up the courage to speak. "Wh…. Wh… what?" said Victor. "I'm pregnant" replied Anita. "Are you sure?" asked Victor. "Yes I'm sure" said Anita. "So your pregnant" said victor. "I am" replied Anita. "Your going to be a mother" said Victor. "that is correct" answered Anita, "and I'm going to be a fath… fath….. Ooooooooh" Victor fainted. "Oh Victor" said Anita.
I have to admit, I thought that was funny when Victor fainted.
About a minute later victor finally got up and said "I'm going to be a father" "We got a lot to think about" said Anita. "we sure do" said Victor. Victor and Anita called Mrs. Mildred Volt and told her that Anita is going to have a baby. Mrs. Mildred Volt began to cry tears of happiness. "you mean I'm going to be a grandmother" "You are mom you are" replied Victor. They talked on the phone for three hours. The next thing Victor and Anita did was call Anita's Parents. Anita got on the phone and said "Mom is dad with you?" "Yes why?" replied Mrs. Knight "Because I have something important I need to tell you" What is it, are you sick?, are you hurt? Is your marriage alright" said Mrs. Knight." "I'm fine" said Anita "I just wanted to let you know that" she paused and began to speak again "I'm pregnant" "you mean….." began Mrs. Knight. Yes replied Anita, "Your going to be a grandmother, and dad is going to be a grandfather." They spoke on an on for about two hours.
I think the fanfic handled telling the parents okay. Don't get me wrong. It's virtually impossible to read without an eyeache, but that was okay, I guess.
"Our phone bill is going to high next month" said Victor "It is" said Anita "but it was worth it because we needed to tell them they have a grandchild on the way" said Anita.
Indeed, it was.
"How do we tell everybody at work" asked Victor.
He didn't actually ask because there's no question mark at the end. Did this author proofread the story before he published it? Well, that was a stupid question. Of course he didn't!
"I'm not sure" replied Anita 'I really didn't think about that" said Anita. "Either did I" said Victor.
You mean, "Neither did I," right?
The next day at work. Victor and Anita went into the briefing room at the U.Z.Z. base and asked if they can make an announcement. Changed daily said "Yes" "Thanks Uh what's your new…." began Victor "I forgot to tell you my new name" said changed daily cutting Victor off. "I take security very seriously, and for reasons of security my name is changed daily today if you need me for any reason you may call me" his communicator beeped "OOOOHHHH Totty Totty The Little Training Potty" everybody was laughing. Do you want make your anouncement in front of the entire U.Z.Z. or just right here?" asked Totty Totty The Little Training Potty. "n front of the whole U.Z.Z." said Victor.
Oh, God. This should be a doozy.
"Follow me" said Totty Totty The Little Training Potty. He led them into the viewing theatre. An announcement came over the intercom loudspeakers "everybody please report to the viewing theatre for an announcement" "again everybody please report to the viewing theatre for announcement". in no more than ten minutes everybody was in the viewing theatre. "Victor and Anita have an important announcement to make" said Totty Totty The Little Training Potty.
You're damn right they do!
"We need everybody's undivided attention" said Victor. "We would like everybody to know" began Anita "that I'm pregnant." everybody stared at Victor and Anita. "That's Right" began Victor "she's pregnant, which means she is going to be a mother and I'm going to be a father"
I'm so glad you informed the readers that. Lord knows that some of them were actually too retarded to know what being pregnant meant. That was sarcasm, by the way.
everybody clapped and congratulated Victor And Anita. "Congratulations" said Special Agent Ray. "Good luck" said Lucy Woo. "I wish you the best luck" said Totty Totty The Little Training Potty. Totty Totty The Little Training Potty gave both Victor and Anita the day off, they were just heading out when Totty Totty The Little Training Potty said "by the way, when you have the baby you can both take off as much time as you need" "Why Thank you very much" said both Victor and Anita at the same exact time.
To the author's credit, Victor and Anita were already married at this time, so we didn't have Changed Daily scold them for having premarital sex that resulted in an accidental pregnancy.
A few weeks had gone by and Victor and Anita began to think about baby names. Each and every day they thought, and thought, and thought about what to name their baby.
Every night, every day...
Finally they came up with a decision.
"If our baby is a boy" began Anita "we will name him.. After.. you" "I like that" said Victor "If our baby is a boy his name will be Victor Thomas Jefferson Volt Jr."
Really? That's the best they could come up with for their son? I mean, Victor would be flattered to have a son named after him, but why didn't you use Vincent or Marcus or Lucius? Hell, I named their son Emerson after Ralph Waldo Emerson.
"But if our baby is a girl" began Victor we should name her…?" Victor and Anita still kept thinking of a name for their baby just incase she's a girl. Out of nowhere it hit Victor. "If our baby is a girl we can name her Vanessa" "I love it" said Anita "and her middle name can be Alexandra"
I get it. "Alexandra" means "defender of man" and that's what U.Z.Z agents are, right? Defenders of man?
"Her name would be" began Anita "Vanessa Alexandra Volt" "Vanessa Alexandra Volt it's perfect, I love it" said Victor. Victor and Anita wanted to go to the store to start buying baby clothes but they didn't know whether to by boys or girls clothes so they talked. "maybe we should wait until the day of the first sonogram" began Anita. "Yeah said" Victor "at least then the doctor will be able to tell us whether were going having a boy or if going to have a girl". "Then" began Anita "we will know if we should buy boys clothes or if we should buy girls clothes. So they decided to wait until the first sonogram appointment. A couple of months had went by and it was finally the day of the first sonogram appointment. "its time to go to the hospital for the ultrasound" said victor. "I'm almost ready" said Anita who was beginning to show.
While he was waiting called Totty Totty The Little Training Potty to ask for the day off so they can go get the sonogram, "go ahead" said Totty Totty The Little Training Potty, "and oh by the Totty Totty The Little Training Potty is not my name anymore". "What is your new name" said Victor. "Well for reasons of the tightest security" began Totty Totty The Little Training Potty "my name is changed daily, today if you need me you may call me" his communicator beeped "OOOOHHHHH Butter Bum Bum the Boo Boo Keys" Victor was laughing hard. Anita was finally ready to go. "I'm ready to go" said Anita.
We know! You didn't need to have Anita tell us.
She then came downstairs. "what is so funny?" asked Anita " Totty Totty The Little Training Potty's new name" replied victor. "What is his new name?" asked Anita.
"Butter Bum Bum the Boo Boo Keys" said Victor. Anita began to laugh. "That's funny" said Anita "Butter Bum Bum the Boo Boo Keys" she said still laughing. "Ok lets get to the hospital" said Anita. "They both went to the hospital together still giggling about Butter Bum Bum the Boo Boo Keys new name. They arrived at the hospital. At the hospital they were given a number card. "this is your number when we get to you we will call you up" said the secretary the reason why they have numbers was because the hospitals had a lot of other patients there for their first sonogram, second sonogram, third sonogram, or fourth sonogram or so on and so forth. This made it easier for the hospital to deal with. "What is our number" said Anita. "2" replied Victor. "We shouldn't have to wait that long then" said Anita.
What kind of hospital would operate like this? This isn't a deli. Also, are sonograms mandatory in this fanfic, whether or not they make an appointment? I know this is supposed to take place in the future, but doesn't this all seem a little Communist to you?
"Number 1" called the nurse. About ten minutes later another nurse came out. "Number 2" called the nurse.
"That's us" said Anita. Victor and Anita Both followed the nurse into the ultrasound room. Anita was given some tests by the nurse. "the doctor will be in shortly" said the nurse. About five minutes later the doctor walked into the room. "hi my name is Dr. David Shaw and I will be giving you a sonogram today. The doctor performed the sonogram. Dr. David Shaw turned around.
You know, just "Dr. Shaw" would be good, too.
"is everything Ok" said Anita. "everything is just fine" said Dr. David "except for one thing." "What can that be?" asked Victor. "Your not having a baby" said Dr David Shaw "Your having TWINS"
That's got to be the second-worst (or maybe worst) way to tell someone they're expecting twins. You tease them into thinking their unborn child's been miscarried by saying they're not having a baby, and then it's like "Just kidding, you're going to have twins!" That just seems cruel.
To Be Continued….
| LOL chapter 1 . 1/6/2012
LIFE'S LITTLE JOY
It was just like any ordinary night in Victor and Anita's house. They were in their room getting ready for bed. Ever since they got married they have been able to have romantic nights and a lot of time to spend with each other.
Romantic nights, huh? Romantic nights as in sex?
Victor and Anita fell asleep. Anita began to dream about when Victor had saved her life, she saw herself about to be struck by the flying car when Victor pushed her out of the way and was critically injured then she woke up yelling "Victor" she then looked around and saw Victor in bed next to her, feeling relieved said "It was just a dream." after a few hours she fell back asleep. Her and victor had been through a lot over the past year with Victor's heroic push to save Anita, their marriage, Alphonse trying to ruin everything, the boat explosion that damaged Victor's arm. All of this was running in and out of Anita's head. This was what was causing Anita to keep having this dream about Victor, at least that is what Victor and Anita Thought.
Wait a minute, dear boy. You are aware you're describing post-traumatic stress disorder, right? I don't get why Anita would have it, seeing how Victor's the one who almost got killed twice.
After finally getting some sleep Anita woke up. Victor was already awake getting ready for work. Anita started to feel a little bit sick.
Elaborate on that, please.
With in a few hours she felt better. Nothing much changed at the U.Z.Z. base. Changed Daily's Name was still Changed Daily. Changed Daily said "T.H.E.M. is definitely up to something because we have not heard from T.H.E.M. for a whole week" "this is a breech in security" and, "you all know that I take security very seriously", "and that is why my name is changed daily" today you may call me…" "OHHH" "Peggy The Pretty Purple Princess" everybody began to laugh. Victor and Anita were on their skybikes heading towards the T.H.E.M. base when Anita began to feel sick again.
Talk about terrible timing.
Victor looked at Anita and said "why don't you go on home I'll handle this" so she went home. Victor did a great job gathering a lot of information on the evil plans of T.H.E.M. He gave the information to U.Z.Z. before he went home. He got there Anita was still feeling sick. About a half hour later she was in the bathroom throwing up. Victor got up and said "I'm going to go get you some medicine" "is there anything you would like for me to pick up for you?" "Now that you mentioned it" began Anita can you pick me up some fish and pickle lasagna" Victor stopped for a second. "How did you just go from sick to hungry for something bizarre so fast?" "Never mind I'll just get you a jar of pickles, some lasagna, and a smoked fish" As Victor was walking to the store he began to think "could she be…. No," "it's just your imagination"
Aww, you almost had it, Victor.
victor returned from the store with all of the things he said he would get. Anita ate and felt alright. That night she had the same nightmare the car "Victor" and then realizing it was just a dream. That morning Anita felt sick again. The same thing that had happened the day before happened again. Except this time she wanted fried cucumber hotdogs. That night the same thing happened again the nightmare, then in the morning the sickness. This time she decided to go to the doctor.
Finally! It's about time you had this checked out!
Victor explained everything to Peggy The Pretty Purple Princess about Anita getting a weird sickness and having to take the day off to go to the doctor.
Because everyone knows that daily vomiting, unusual cravings, and nausea all point to a "weird sickness", am I right?
The doctor ran some tests and said "your absolutely fine except for one thing you are…"
She's what? She's what?
When Anita got home she got a hold of Victor on his communicator and said "I need you to come home" "what happened, is everything alright" said Victor "I think so" replied Anita "I just need for you to come home"
Go on, Victor! It could be something really important and life-changing!
"I'll be right there" said Victor. Victor gat Ray to cover for him. Victor arrived at home. "Is everything alright" asked Victor. "Everything is fine" replied Anita "except for one thing" "except what" asked Victor. "Victor" said Anita "Yes" replied Victor. "I'm" "I'm" "I'm" Anita took a deep breath.
Ooh, I'm so hyped to see what she has to tell him.
Looked victor in the eye and said "Victor I'm PREGNANT."
I never would've guessed judging from the title.
To Be Continued...
| sopissedrightnow chapter 6 . 6/26/2011
You are a misinoformed moronic nitwit. Who has comprehension over words or grammar. You have no fucking idea what real women and pregnancy go through.
You also have no concept what OOC means either. Out Of Character Anita and Victor are not Anita and Victor. I hate how you skewer facts to fit your fantasy you jerk. I hope your reading this and I pray to god you are only a trolling.
You are also sexist chauvinist asshole. Anita can't defend herself. Always relies on Victor to save her. Anita is also a blonde, a dumbass blonde to be precise.
By the way guns are used for killing people! You use them by pulling the trigger. Not banging them over the skull which brings me to another conclusion.
You are a fucking melodramatic ninny. OMG, an inch long cut with a bruise, fuck you.
People survive that scrape, how you define it is so...so...I can't even think of the words to describe what you've made.
Fuck you, fuck your stories, goodbye.
P.S. go research like you were told, kay?
| CitrusSkies chapter 1 . 3/24/2011
Why does Anita have post traumatic stress disorder?
| XxCurienXx chapter 5 . 3/23/2011
Do you know anything about a woman's due date? XD You sound like a little boy. It's the inconsistencies in this story that has me wondering. I'm wondering are you some sort of sexist troll? If you just tried a little bit harder when writing this. I could actually take this story seriously. D:
But no this story is plain stupid and was a waste of my time.
| CitrusSkies chapter 2 . 9/30/2010
Okay, you broke up sentences. Albeit it is easier to read. This isn't what any of us meant. See, when you break a sentence or paragraph do it like this.
ex: He led them into the viewing theatre. An announcement came over the intercom loudspeakers "everybody please report to the viewing theatre for an announcement" " again everybody please report to the viewing theatre for announcement". in no more than ten minutes everybody was in the viewing theatre.
"Victor and Anita have an important announcement to make" said Totty Totty The Little Training Potty.
"We need everybody's undivided attention" said Victor. "We would like everybody to know"
began Anita "that I'm pregnant." everybody stared at Victor and Anita.
"That's Right" began Victor "she's pregnant, which means she is going to be a mother and I'm going to be a father" everybody clapped and congratulated Victor And Anita.
It's suggested after each character speaks or writing a paragraph. You hit the enter key starting on a whole new line to work on.
| Crimson Crayon Returns IV chapter 3 . 9/21/2010
Okay, I'm still not finished. Remember when I said I was going to be redundant. I'm going to tell you how I feel stupid. That in some of the sentences which I can cite for you. You are pointing out the obvious. It's quite painful to read. But not to worry this is a common writer's mistake. I see it rather often.
Ex:"That's Right" began Victor "she's pregnant, which means she is going to be a mother and I'm going to be a father"
You are talking down to the audience. This is what really puts me off from the fiction itself. Next on the list. Please do not write in CAPS LOCK. This is why they invented the exclamation point! I'm also going to suggest you find a beta-reader. These people which you can find on . Can look over anything I practically may have missed. These people will help find grammar and punction problems.
| Crimson Crayon Return III chapter 4 . 9/21/2010
Just to let you know. I'm still not finished with my whole critique. I'd like to tell you about some things that will drastically improve this fiction. This format you written you're story in. It's hard to read it. It's way easier to read in this format.
Ex:"Start breathing, start breathing" said Victor. Victor grabbed the key to his skybike.
"We got to get you to the hospital now" said Victor. Victor using a bit of strength lifted Anita's pregnant body off the couch.
Spaces make all the difference. Now I'm going to get really redundant about this. I also need you to realise medical staff. The doctors and nurses aren't psychics. They can't tell how soon a baby will be born. It's the way of the world. Some women can birth quicker while others spend 'long' intense hours in labor. I'm not making this up.
Ex: "In fact sometime in the next hour this baby…" "Babies"
I'm straining my point. But you must learn to research.