|Reviews for Shattered Universe Titan AE Twilight|
| sonicfighter21354 chapter 2 . 1/13
Would the Klingons, Borgs and Vulcans be in this story? They are part of Star Trek too.
| Specter06 chapter 1 . 3/9/2013
To Shawn: Thanks for the review. To answer your question, I quit using FileFactory ages ago when switching to Dropbox. Never thought anyone would ever download those files again but I guess I was wrong. :) I've replaced it with a secure and much faster Dropbox download link without any delays. It should be fixed now.
| Shawn chapter 1 . 3/9/2013
I've started to read your series but the FileFactory Basic link says it has no files for the music. Was it moved?
| Turnip713 chapter 5 . 12/3/2011
I'm so happy you saved Korso! He was always my favorite character. I can't believe you only have 7 reviews for this! Really enjoying it so far. Hopefully Korso doesn't die again, since I'm still on the first few chapters. It's like reading the script for the sequel. I really love it.
| AkrennianPhantomLady chapter 1 . 8/15/2011
i've read most of it, and i really like it. it's very well written. :)
| Swashbucklist chapter 49 . 1/30/2011
ow ... Let me start by saying that was one heck of an endeavor. I don't think I've ever read a fanfic quite that long before. The opening credits and story database suggest the scale of what you had planned while also indicating a lot of preparation. The obvious scale and length of Shattered Universe and the lack of Titan A.E. fanfiction out there (heh, you wanna see an underdeveloped sci-fi universe? check out the one I'm writing for) had me hooked. But to be 100% fair and brutally honest, this particular fanfic, although impressively envisioned and well-executed, is full of flaws. At times, it even felt a little bit like a task to finish.
First off is your style of writing and paragraph layout. There were times when a character spoke, then the speaker was described, and then a new paragraph started when they spoke again. Here's an example of that flaw and one other: "I would rather stick around with you guys on Earth," Stith said friendly. [new paragraph] "But Kero and I are needed elsewhere." Only when another character begins speaking do you begin a new paragraph. As a result, it looks like "But Kero and I are needed elsewhere," was being spoken by whoever she's talking to. It made many conversations very confusing. The other flaw in there is the word "friendly." I noticed you use it the same way as other adjectives like brightly or happily. The proper way to use that word would be more like, "in a friendly manner" or "with a friendly touch to his/her voice" or something like that. Synonyms like kindly or amicably would also have worked pretty well.
The next thing that kinda bugged me was how some of your main characters were portrayed. It's obvious you're a major trekkie, but thanks to that this Titan A.E. story is written like a pre-Abrams Star Trek story. All the characters have a very formal and concise way of speaking that rarely shows off their personality. Stith says, "We eventually found you and although you were near dead you managed to survive thanks to your Akrennian physiology and inborn stubbornness," when it would be more natural for her to say something like, "We peeled you off the deck and had to drag you up here. You're only alive 'cause of your stinkin' Akrennian physiology and you're a stubborn bastard. Don't thank me or anything." She has a much looser and more irreverent way of talking. So your lead in this narrative is pretty out-of-character throughout the whole thing. There were some characters you nailed perfectly, though, like Preed and Gune. Those two have some pretty darn distinct manners of speech. Also, your characters usually say exactly what's on their mind, when in real life people dodge around subjects by subtle means or make points about one thing when the real issue is something else. For example, a couple is arguing the good and bad points about letting their kid use his superpowers when the issue behind the argument is that the dad misses being a superhero (sorry, I don't know if you've ever seen The Incredibles).
Only other complaint I might have is the feeling that I didn't come out of this story with much. The concept isn't much more than a typical crossover idea (well, maybe above-average, considering the general quality of fanfiction). If you ask me, the core from which all drama branched should have been the humans' situation: the threat of losing their home planet a second time while their galactic neighbors marshaled together to help defend them. And yet, Cale and Akima, the grand heroes who facilitated the new Earth and saved it, are placed in minor supporting roles while the main focus is on the romance between Stith and Kero, that between Preed and Ayko, the jobs of a few Starfleet captains, and a few other scattered characters. This is my overview: universes cross over, there's a huge threat, and it all overshadows a dozen subplots. The length of Shattered Universe didn't justify its content, in my opinion.
Pretty big flaws if you ask me, but there was plenty in this story that I really loved! Mostly just moments: the scene on the Tsun-Rhaa, where the bridge is swathed in shadows, oxygen is limited, and Preed has to summon help while being forced to tangle with a dangerous individual in a dark, desperate, isolated setting. Loved that scene. Kero's sacrifice was incredibly dramatic, and totally convincing (I accidentally read that chapter first, somehow, and after realizing my mistake I spent the entire fanfic thinking his fate was sealed; imagine my surprise). And the soundtrack was a good idea too; it made me think of what Toonami, with its knack for multimedia entertainment, would do with written fiction. So, good job, but there's plenty of room for improvement.
Stay gold. :)
| TapTiger chapter 1 . 12/5/2010
I just watched 'A.E for the gazillionth time today(best dvd investment ever) and I've decided to root around ff. I have to say I was disappointed only 90 or so fanfics exist, and luckily enough I spotted your sequel in the latest updates. All I can say is what the fuck? You've pumped out 300 000 word story and only have 4 reviews?
Well I intend to fix that. I'm not going to flood you with reviews for every chapter but I'm gona review this one, the last one and all the ones I think are amazing in-between.
Also you mentioned in the summary 'mysterious attacks from unknown species', I will fanart you a ton of pictures of your alien species when I get to them C: Im off to start reading now, I have to say its lookin good.
| Yasunari chapter 1 . 3/15/2010
I'm impressed with how much work you've put into this story, it looks very impressive.
I hope you update again soon! :D
| JyrFalcon345 chapter 3 . 2/25/2010
well, hells bells i'm impressed. That's quite a difference. See, what did I tell you? I'd like a review on angel though.
| JyrFalcon345 chapter 10 . 2/23/2010
Heya there, Jyr, here and I apologize profusely about the delay in responding to you. I'm in my first year of college now and just trying to get into the academic swing of things. I've read your work up until chapter ten and this is what i have to say.
Your story is rife with potential to be something amazing but there are numerous small and difficult to catch errors spread throuought the work. The only way for mr to show you would be to take a chapter and completely work it over for you, to allow you to see the difference.
On the whole the plot is quite consistant thus far and your technological and scientific base is as steady as a lodestone. It's 2:47 am here, so i need to turn in.
Contact me if you want help.
| JACO GROEN chapter 29 . 1/3/2010
Hai Ernst, ben trots op je ziet er goed uit, in de volgende hoofdstuk verwacht ik iets van de chef.
Succes met je verhaal.