|Reviews for Wet Blush|
| OtakuYaoiGuy101-REBORN chapter 1 . 10/12/2013
Amazingly writen and I died laughing at the park when Axel was all like "Do you want to to fuck you with my big cock?" ;P
| xXUndertaker-19Xx chapter 1 . 2/21/2013
awesome story X3
| My Blender Is Better Than That chapter 1 . 6/16/2012
Wheeww... Naughty naughty x3. Thumbs up!
| Candy3314 chapter 1 . 11/27/2011
XD That was amazing! Just the most amazing sex scene I've ever seen... it seemed so intense! :D Yea I can always count on u for a good sex story! Mhm!
| J.R. Jenx chapter 1 . 4/8/2011
Oh god. I don't have much time to write a really long review, because I have to clean up the nose blood on my blankets.
Okay, I had a fleeting thought that made me laugh.
The image was of me writing this, and halfway through the sex part, my mother came in and I wasn't fast enough to close the window. Then, she asked me what I was writing and came over to look.
Just imagine that... Just imagine that happening to you.
Okay, I really need to get my blankets in the washer.
| Agent Silverfox chapter 1 . 1/24/2011
YES! BOYXBOY LOVE! Sorry I'm a yaoi fangirl, I can't help myself. I've played Kingdom Hearts of few times and I do agree that Roxas and Axel are a pretty nice couple.
| AvAtarAmeobA chapter 1 . 12/30/2010
Showers will always make me blush now. Hmmm, Bath time next? 0w0 I likes it.
| littlen00bgyn chapter 1 . 3/20/2010
"...but the redhead was just joking, wasn't he?" Maybe Roxas should ask Axel straight-up what he thinks about him...
Your grammar is generally good, but your word usage is a bit stilted. It distracts from the flow of the story.
"Roxas sighed again and glanced over at the made-up bed and he could immediately see two figures on it..." It took me awhile to realise this was Roxas's imagination.
it's it is; not used for possessive.
"Except it wasn't imaginary-Axel's hand, but the blond's palm himself" would be more effective as "...but the blond's own palm."
"...where he arched his back so his rear was positions outwards from behind in a perky way" would be more effective as "...so his rear was positioned perkily outwards from behind."
"...never once pausing briefly for a moment or two" is more effective as "...never once pausing, even for a moment or two."
"...so that was why he wasn't able to see Roxas" is more effective as "so he hadn't been able to see Roxas."
"Xemnas reassured that he had ordered one but it got lost in the mail or something." Sure it did, because Mansex isn't a pervert or anything P
"And that cause right there made Axel able to see Roxas" is more effective as "And that enabled Axel to see Roxas"
"Roxas, by far, ahd the prettiest legs in the Organization." One man's opinion, but hey. (Just commentary, not an actual criticism)
adverting means advertising. You meant averting, but the word should have been something like "turning."
"It made Axel want to be the cause of those noises..." Oh, if only he knew.
"That was by far enough watching and it was time to take action." YES! Although voyeurism is still a good thing.
"It certainly has for me" should actually be "It certainly is for me," considering the context.
No offense, but you... kind of failed at dirty talk.
Okay, time for the overall review. Let's see. Overall, I liked the story. It got me hot. But your usage of words is a little bit like that of an untrained child. I don't expect you to take any of the suggestions I offered, by the way, because it's a pain to re-write stories. I loved the innocence and voyeurism here, and of course I live for fluff. I'll be interested to see some of your more recent work, as well. By the way, grammar-Nazi criticism aside, if I hadn't liked it, I probably wouldn't have bothered with a review. Thanks for posting.
| gothalicious-girl chapter 1 . 8/12/2009
Dude, that was freakin hot. You should totally write more stuff like this. :D
| Sora Keyblader chapter 1 . 7/30/2009
I loved it!
it's so hott! XDD
by the way, what's a PWP? xD
| Roxness chapter 1 . 7/24/2009
This practically gave me a nosebleed!
And NONE of the fanfictions I've read were able to do that!
You, my friend, are a true MASTER.
| thunDaClap chapter 1 . 6/28/2009
My brain exploded from the hotness.
| Electra Raven chapter 1 . 6/19/2009
that was freaking hot! i totally enjoyed it! i love how Roxy was crushing on Axel! :3 so cute!
| kin sedren chapter 1 . 6/16/2009
OMG THAT WAS AWSOME! :D
| MarluxiaSCREAM chapter 1 . 6/16/2009
ZOMG! That was so friggin hawt! xP
One of the best one-shots i have ever read! I mean your writing is awesome, just everything about this is perfection...no joke xD
Just...well done, very well done!