Reviews for Double Time Trouble
pstibbons chapter 5 . 6/25/2009
Best lines:

"Five. Five spies in the Order, people more loyal to the Death Eaters than to us, and Peter was one of them." James rubbed the back of his neck, sore from the strain of his shock, pacing as he tried to cope with the information a simple test had discovered.

"Dumbledore I don't know to call a traitor or one of the scavengers... I did *not* expect our leader to declare his most important goal was to save the enemy's troops!

Lily sobbed, her image of the Headmaster had shattered irrevocably that night. He'd come out openly admitting that he'd always felt wizards should rule over muggles, and that in his view purebloods were the ideal of all wizardkind, with muggleborns a necessary evil to be controlled and molded. Dumbledore's only disagreement with Voldemort was he felt the current dark lord was going about it the wrong way - Too much violence and killing.

(Wow. That's interesting!)

...the Headmaster had even been considering pressuring her to engage one of her younger boys to one of the newly revealed Malfoy triplets.

(lol)

"Do you think our letter writer could have caused this? Do you think whoever it was could've meant for this to happen?"

"No," Sirius concluded at last..."This just warned you there *could* be something rotten. The Dung Eaters would have rather we continued on as we were, so we'd be easy pickings for them. I can't see them warning us, not like this."

"Not like this," Remus agreed, impressed as he read in spite of himself.

Sirius, semi-seriously leaned over Lily's shoulder to peer at her belly. Tapping at it with a finger, he said, "Hey? Feel like coming out of there early?"

"Writing back to our mysterious benefactor," he replied, writing intently as he opened his heart to reveal just how greatly this experience had shocked him. "This person successfully pointed out traps we'd all got caught in. I want to see if they have any more helpful advice."

(nice development. Did I mention that I like your twists? I even feel I can actually trust you, which is unusual)

But knowing she was Hermione Ann, Ann felt something of a responsibility to act like Hermione Ann. Likewise, Hermione Jane felt some responsibility to act out her own personality, even though they remembered both points of view...

(I wondered how you'd deal with their merging...)

Hermione Tina, on the other hand, felt no such responsibility from what they understood. She was free to act whichever way she thought best, without hidden guilt driving her to behave 'properly', ie, in the manner previously established for her.

"The problem is Draco is a dog," Ann reminded.

"I fail to see how that changes anything," Tina remarked coldly. "He always was."

"No, actually, that's flattering him a bit,"

And I really think he'd kill me for the money we tricked him into putting into our vaults if he knew about it. He wouldn't even hesitate over the worse crime of trying to lead Draco away from being the proper pureblood prince Lucius intends him to be."

"I guess we ought to trust your judgment," she told Tina. "After all, we aren't the ones on scene. So we don't have as much information."

(Tina is more extremist than Jane? Actually, that's only on first thought. On second thought, she merely has more information. So you're right.)

I'm beginning to suspect Draco wasn't an only child, or that we aren't the first ones they've purchased, just that the others failed to toe the line, making proper obeisance to their sick ideals!

(there's a thought...)

No, if I felt for a moment that I could get away with it,... I'd kill them first, just to have some degree of safety."

Ann now looked sorrowful, gaze dropping to the floor. "I guess... I guess I never wanted to believe in evil before. Not in the direct and personal kind anyway. I always wanted to think that people could be redeemed."

Jane now rolled her eyes. "Well, we know where that got Dumbledore."

Tina folded her arms. "Because we are at war. It's time to act like soldiers, not relationship counselors. We're here to win, not make someone feel better about their mother.

Different rules and goals apply in peace than during war.

"Well then, clearly, as a human Draco was doomed to be exactly the evil little sycophant we knew him to be last time. Being a dog might be the best thing for him. At least this way his parents aren't working to shape his belief system, and as a dog he just might learn some honest values, like how to work, enjoy friendship and have fun."

But the book needs to close on the Malfoy line. And if I can do something to help that happen...

She bent close, invading a frightened Ann's personal space to stare intently at her nose to nose. "I. Will. Do. It!"

"The scary thing," Jane mentioned. "Is that that's *us*, with just a bit of exposure to the Malfoys. We all held the same memories, personalities and attitudes a week ago."

"I've got it. We'll use the pen name Athena, goddess of wisdom and war, also famous as a helper of heroes, which is what we are doing!"

(I like the hero-helping - but does using the name of a goddess give away their gender?)

The Order of the Phoenix had been reborn, thus truly becoming the Order of the Phoenix. It had gone down in flames, then been reborn from its own ashes...Dumbledore found himself expelled from what was formerly his own Order

(and how did Dumbles take this?)

With the hopes of the new Order centered around the as yet unborn Harry...,

(Hmm - I can see how the Potter-Evans clan can see this, but surely they're keeping that bit of knowledge - the prophecy about Harry - to themselves)

Those three together were one of the most devious and creative forces in the British Isles, used to pulling off hostile operations against hostile Slytherins

(that's ridiculous, of course, but I'll tolerate it since the rest of the fic is so well written. You seem to want to tar all Slytherins with the same brush, which is a massive underutilization of resources. Snape isn't out for himself - he's a good fighter, and wouldn't have been driven to Voldemort if it hadn't been for the Marauders bullying him into it and turning his only friend against him. But you're totally missing that.)

So, she had begun the long struggle to reinvent herself. However the girl was brilliant, full of cleverness and quick to understand, and had information about this situation no one else did. Jane had also spent an inordinate amount of time considering this problem from all angles.

In some ways that was better than creativity. The Marauders already had creativity covered. The addition of some thoroughly thought over, brilliant ideas, was a helpful angle.

The way I see it you have the standard three needs of any military organization. You need security for your members. You need supplies so you can continue operations, and you need a way to deliver hurt to your enemy.

(I like the way her logic helps with their creativity)

That way no one person has the power to give away both secrets.

a group of people loyal to you whom you trust to no longer participate in the fighting... to avoid them going crazy from inactivity or cabin fever, I'd suggest...

"But we don't want them busy, we want them dead. So get the floor, walls, ceiling and potted plants to all attack at the same time as the sculpture.

Say he approaches and pushes your doorbell, and that signals he is an enemy because your friends know not to do that. The cables could shock him and snake out like the snakes they are to entangle him and attack his nuts.

Here the Marauders all paused in the letter to whistle their appreciation.

. Then watch them dance as ten thousand volts or so run through the Death Eaters when they arrive. Let them try to dispel that! Most purebloods could never even figure out how you did it. They'd probably imagine you had some terrible new not disabuse them of that notion.

let them receive the same treatment they give to others, anonymous unexplained deaths in the middle of the night.

Since government projects are easily ninety percent waste, you could charm the right bureaucrats to not steal as much to line their pockets, and they could *build* you a few new ships of that class and still come in under budget

(Nice idea, stealing a battleship. Good luck maintaining it...)

The enemy is still killing kids. Better they go out shooting if they're going to go out, and they just may surprise the enemy."

"Alright, now I'm starting to get scared." Remus was not joking, he'd actually gone white.

"It's signed by a paw print."

...

Anyway, great chapter, despite your narrow-minded views on Snape. But you're only following nearly everyone in that view, so I'll forgive you your deficiencies. I do love the way you're dealing with the Malfoys - someone like Lucius clearly is irredeemable.

Your ideas on combating Death Eaters made lovely reading. One problem with resorting to spells with irreversible effects is friendly fire - your fighters might want to think of methods of identification in a pitched battle to avoid that.
Andromedanaea chapter 5 . 6/24/2009
WOW! Great Chapter!

I love Hermy's Ideas! Especially the Battleship!

But shouldn't James' faction take credit somehow? perhaps their own 'light mark'? The DE's should be terrified of them to the point that by the time Harry is old enought to fight Tom, no one is willing to serve him, so he's a lone Dark lord.
Alex DarkFire chapter 5 . 6/24/2009
heh

as always a fun chapter, liked the suggestions and the thoughts on the Malfoys.

sorry the jackels started up over at CA, wasn't around at the time as my sis was up getting her appendix removed, ironicly it seems she didn't need to as the pains still there and now they are saying it was infact gall stones /eyeroll

anyway, this was a lot of fun, and I hope to see more,

also hope things are going well for you

later

Alex
Vilkath chapter 5 . 6/24/2009
Truely not any believable way for Draco turn out good with the family and lifestyle he has. Even if his parents died, he has all those 'corrupt books', bad family friends and pressure to become a death eater like his father to live up to. Even if he was reasonbly 'good' around 16 or so when he would be supposed to join up with voldemort he would probably face join or die any ways, and I doubt any Draco turn around THAT much to say he'd rather die.

I feel about only way Draco turn out good is if his parents die, he's oblivated into a whole new person and given to some muggle orphanage or family to be raised up seperately from the magical world. Only with no ties, expectations or memories of the Malfoy family could Draco be a better person in my mind.

One big issue brought up in this story is it was basicaly found out Dumbledore is a traitor and a Death Eater sympathizer, what are the girls and the Potters plans for him? Can't just ignore a guy like that, he's bound cause trouble eventualy. Order of the Phoniex or not he probably still get all the death eaters arrested off, not mention probably try arrest the 'light side' for killing Death eaters. Simply ignoring the man is a great sin in any story and I hope the forces of good are smart enough to not do that in this fic.
jdboss1 chapter 4 . 6/23/2009
Chapter: 4 was much better then Chapter: 3 in plot

i was starting to go off this story but Chapter: 4 has pull me back in to it
Xadro chapter 1 . 6/23/2009
You know it doesnt seem like they care about Harry himself, more that now they are doomed to Voldemort, nice people you know, not even caring that their friend died but more that the world is doomed.
addicted2text chapter 1 . 6/22/2009
Great beginning! I don't ever think I've seen quite this type of beginning. No surprise there, having an interesting premise has always been one of your strong points...

What I take exception to is your characterizing this as your "first" HP story-what about The Wizard of Gotham? Or My Gilded Life? Or even (going way back here) Moon Over Wands? You do your own works a disservice here! Especially Moon Over Wands, which I really would have liked to see more of regardless of the specious claims by fools in long since defunct forums...

Whatever though, you write it and I'll read it. I read everything I can find by you, and 16/17 times I enjoy it too. (Not a big fan of your muppet fic, sorry.) Thanks for sharing Hermione of St Tristan with us!
Lord Jeram chapter 4 . 6/21/2009
Chapter 4: Another odd but intriguing take on the Potterverse.

I had forgotten that at that point, Hermione wouldn't know Rookwood too well - was he even at the Ministry during OotP?

"probity probe", eh? Isn't that the most adorable menacing probe you've ever heard?

I did find it amusing that all Hermiones' came up with the same thought at once. "Obvious", indeed.

Not sure about the Draco -dog thing - to be honest I didn't really understand Tina's motivation. Is that part of the plan too? If so, I didn't quite get that from this chapter, anyway. A bit of prank, in some sense, too. Is she planning to keep Draco that way forever?

Anyway, I am always pleased to see you writing, even when things get controversial. I know you appreciate encouragement, and tend to dislike negative comments, which is quite understandable. Still, you shouldn't allow yourself to halt your efforts if you enjoy doing it. I think all of us have read things that some would consider annoying or even disturbing at times. And yet, we still come back to read again. I say, writing is a thing you should do for yourself, and sharing it is a great gift. Take the bad comments and ignore them if you must, but don't forget that there will always be those who will miss your stories when you aren't writing.
Lord Jeram chapter 3 . 6/21/2009
Chapter 3: Fascinating entry this one.

I found this interesting: "someone whom she had only just realized really mattered to her" - wow. Ann only just realized this? Sounds like she hadn't quite grasped the whole time travel business until then.

I noticed one thing I found confusing: "Lucius' oily smile had never left her face," - I couldn't quite figure out what you meant here. I'm not sure what you were saying.

Will you be using the "Attack of the Clones" as a chapter title anytime soon?

I'm guessing it will probably will quite a while until the twinsclone are older, won't it? Anticipation, and all that.

Personally, I'd like to see "Practical Guides to Overthrowing Your Government". When are you publishing it?
baofu chapter 4 . 6/21/2009
I wouldn't have thought that I was ever gonna say this, but I'm extremely dissapointed as of now. From a terribly great story full of potential I now find that I've been trying to make sense of one that is full of confusion and utter disinteresting fanfiction that's been apparently made out of boredom. That or you're someone who got hold of the REAL Skysaber's account and begun on a journey of destroying a good reputation. Sorry, but its how I feel as of now. Please improve, I beg you, and restore this story to the right path of glory it deserves.
Morbious20 chapter 4 . 6/19/2009
Most definitely amusing loved it and keep it up please.
Rubel chapter 4 . 6/19/2009
So far neat. Though I must say that the H3 is starting to make me think of the Stepford Cuckoos from xmen. Nice prank on Draco and the Malfoys.
MisterTabi chapter 4 . 6/19/2009
Ok. WTF?

This is really cruel, I mean even Hermione going all that still should have a moral line. I mean come on! Draco here is still a baby for crying out loud!
pstibbons chapter 4 . 6/19/2009
I had fun reading this too.

Best lines:

by both laboring together on the project, they had effectively two Hermione-weeks worth of work in on the project by the time it was due to be turned in, which meant of course that the quality was excellent, the material thoroughly covered, and they were nervous about it anyway.

Now it must be said that Hermione was not a tremendously creative individual. It was not that she could not, but more often she chose to learn the 'right way' of doing things, and then stuck with that 'right way' ever after.

(glad she's got achilles' body parts)

All we've got to do is test our wandless magic. Ann has very different charms than Jane, so whichever ones we can do shows who we are!"

Ann very quickly summoned a plushy to her.

Jane blasted another to bits.

All gave off a bit of a mournful sigh at the lost knowledge.

"So, escape plan?" all three together asked brightly.

Ann steadied herself, then returned calmly, "I have added nothing."

Her two sisters stared at Ann in disbelief. They'd seen her writing on that form.

"Really," she grinned wickedly. "All I added were a couple of zeros here or there. A zero means 'no value', so I added nothing. The *place* I added nothing means something. But we don't need to tell him that!"

(Brilliant)

"Also we had ten thousand galleons of pocket money made available, refreshed annually out of the main Malfoy vaults. That became a hundred thousand, and that allowance cuts off when we are 170 years old, not 17!"

"...elfses being told to watch for nasty polee-jew-suh imposterators!"

"Only two cribs!" they all chorused in fearful dismay.

"I'll share!" Ann and Jane blurted suddenly, turning to plead with Tina into thinking it was alright and she was welcome - which she most certainly was.

(Aw - how sweet)

"How about this: I go back to the Malfoy Manor for a time...Also, I might see if they have anything more information on clones, how they work and all that."

The other two Hermiones stared at her speechless.

"Can't we take turns?" both blurted...

Then Tina grinned down at Draco, "but no one ever said anything about annoying, confusing or befuddling you - *especially* if I think it's for your own good!"

And with that she transfigured Draco into a puppy.

Transfiguring the original into a puppy again, Tina lifted him up and carried him into the girls' nursery. "Now, 'brother' dear, we are going to play a game. It's called, 'How Long Will It Take The Adults To Notice?' And no house elves can tell, that's cheating!" She could almost feel a few pairs of eyes on her wince or widen.

(And just when I thought that Hermione Jane was the only junior Bellatrix around... oh wait, they're all HJ now kinda)

They'd never notice the 'Draco' in that crib was a girl, as neither parent there ever changed diapers, and somehow she knew the elves wouldn't be able to say anything. It would be thirteen years or so before the girl they thought was Draco started to develop the urges and curves that would inevitably give her away.

(Um... is Narcissa as apathetic as Lucy?)
Nightgazer333 chapter 4 . 6/19/2009
"They'd never notice the 'Draco' in that crib was a girl, as neither parent there ever changed diapers, and somehow she knew the elves wouldn't be able to say anything. It would be thirteen years or so before the girl they thought was Draco started to develop the urges and curves that would inevitably give her away.

Tina only wondered if they'd really wait that long before discovering this.

Hmm, and if they did, it might be interesting to note Lucius and Narcissa's reaction to their 'son' having an unhealthy interest in animals, specifically one of the family dogs."

Oh... girl/dog action!_ I approve this!_ Yay, this is good, whoo!_
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