|Reviews for Musical: An Opera man named Davis|
| PokemonOtaku0909 chapter 1 . 2/19/2014
| NinjaFang1331 chapter 7 . 1/11/2014
Awesome job with the story and giving Davis a new talent. Why not make a sequel to it.
| IrishDreamer4 chapter 2 . 8/25/2013
This is great! A musical for Davis! I just love it!
| prettyflower34 chapter 8 . 1/27/2013
No it was not cheesy it was actually very sweet and an impressive story.
| Glory Nizenea chapter 3 . 6/17/2009
"'What am I going to do?' he asked. 'How can I show everyone that I’m not just some geek…?'"
Dude. You are CAPTAIN of the soccer team. Teams -elect- their captain, obviously you're doing -something- right. Not to mention, with how you saved the world, you must be swimming in money at the moment (you know, people give a lot of money away to people who do great things like that). I really don't think you would be a geek.
A jock makes more sense, since he's crazy about sports. It just doesn't make sense for Davis to be a geek, you know what I mean? I know it's your story and everything, but this plot development would only make sense if he all of a sudden started hanging around with the math club or won some kind of scientific medal or something along those lines.
Again, I know it's your story, but you've said it yourself. You like the character to respond to things in a logical, realistic way, but that isn't realistic. Davis is a jock, not a geek, so it doesn't make sense that he would be a geek unless he did something actually geeky, and that doesn't mean save the world.
"'Well you could give studying a try… then you’re grades could boost up a little.' Patamon joked."
Yes, because that would definitely prove that Davis is no longer a geek. lol, I love TK's response to this. Though I like where Davis is going with this, trying to think of something that not many people can do. It sounds very Davis-ish.
It's very sweet that everyone is trying to help him find something. Very nice.
lol! TaiJun! Ben Myatt, a few other Daikari shippers, and myself would talk about the ship sometimes! Ahaha. Nice.
"if not, then THE greatest, but he had no way to prove or show it."
That's kind of BS. He could easily whip out his digivice at any time and digivolve Veemon into an evolution that no one else has except Kari, TK, Cody, Yolei, and Ken. But hey, you're story.
Again, nice nod to Nightmare Before Christmas - however, you really need to give credit where you find your songs. Also, if you edit lyrics, try to keep to the rhyming scheme. While how you edited the lyrics fits Davis's inner-thoughts, it also interrupts the flow of the song itself because it shifts in vocal dynamic. It has to keep the same number of syllables and it has to rhyme, otherwise the song loses all its pizzaz.
lol, "I... will be... AN OPERA SINGER. Oh wait no, that'd take too long. nvm." That's Davis-ish, too. :)
Alright chapter. I'll patiently await for the next. Hopefully you will take my constructive crit into consideration. Please know that I do not write up long-ass reviews to every story. I only do so when I find the story worth the time of doing so. Hopefully, this will not become a loss cause, because the fic itself has potential. You just need to unlock that potential.
| Glory Nizenea chapter 2 . 6/17/2009
"Ken and Yolei started Dating almost immediately after Maylo-Myotismon was beaten. Ken was still a little edgy about evil and darkness, but Yolei promised him, 'When I’m through with you… you’ll be as tough as you once were.' She referred to how he used to be brave and bold… but not like he was as the Digimon Kaiser."
I like this paragraph. :) I think it reflects well on what Ken and Yolei would be like in the relationship. For Yolei to say that is actually pretty sweet and in-character, and I can hear her voice almost. However, be careful with random capitalization. Dating should not be capitalized, though that might just be a typo. I do that sometimes, too.
"One of the cheer leaders, Mina Tanaka, who looked a very close resemblance to Sailor Venus, who he had once crushed on in pre-school, and through most of grades one and two."
Haha, very cute! I could actually see little TK getting a crush on Sailor Venus, lol. My only complaint (which is a small one) would be that if you're going to compare her with a character in another piece of fiction, at least give her some description of her own. But then again, that's kind of a more advanced thing. I like how you related her to Sailor Venus, though.
"Kari and Davis actually had their first date six month ago. Kari was so proud and impressed by the way Davis had helped everyone…"
While I'm not at all opposed to Daikari nor Kari and Davis beginning to date not long after MaloMyotismon's defeat, I think this is a bit off. While Imperialdramon delivered the final blow, everyone gave their own energy to give that hit its ultimate boost so it was powerful enough to kill MaloMyotismon. It was a united, group thing, you know? It was everyone, Imperialdramon was just the host that everyone chose. As for him helping everyone believe in their dreams, while he was the first person to break the ice, that was also a combined effort between all of the Destined - TK played a large part in that, too (at least in the original Japanese version; I think the dubbed replaced his lines with something lame). Though, him breaking past the dreams -was- pretty impressive.
I'm also kind of against the idea that Kari wouldn't start liking Davis until he became a hero. I'm not sure if that was what you were trying to get across, but it seems kind of like it. It's like, what? She can't like him for who he is? He has to become this great hero in order for her to like him? Again, I'm not sure if that's what you were trying to get across, but my point merely lies in the fact that it's kind of flawed if she only started to like him because he became a full-fledged hero, especially when he was a hero long before the finale. If you disagree, feel free to reply through messages and I'd be glad to discuss it with you! It could be fun.
That aside, I'm really liking this so far. All the things you've listed seem plausible and the description isn't half-bad. Nothing professional, but still decent for this site, if not more than decent. :)
"Davis had improved quite a bit too, maturing now that he was into his teen years. Of course he was still a little boisterous, and obnoxious, but Kari just dismissed it, 'That’s Davis…'"
lol, I can see that. Well, not so much the dismissing his misbehavior part, but everything else is spot-on in my opinion. Dismissing bad behavior in a relationship isn't necessarily a good thing, though...
"As they all walked outside, at the end of the school day. 'Everyone thinks I’m nothing but a fraud.' He said, 'But it if it wasn’t for me and my help, you guys would probably be dead, and the world conquered long ago.'"
While I want to say that people thinking Davis was a fraud is realistic, there's several flaws in that.
One, if people believed Davis was fraud, they'd also call Ken a fraud (because he and Ken share Imperialdramon), and also, they'd be calling -all- of the Destined frauds or weak. Therefore, Davis wouldn't feel alone in that accusation.
Second, if young playboy women marry old men for their cash, attractive women get together with less-than-stellar jerks who abuse them, etc, then I really doubt Davis would have any problems in the girlfriend department. He might still not get as many date requests as TK, but he'd be pretty awesome in that department as well. You'd be surprised what people do for fame, and ending up with Davis? Yeah.
Third, all the Destined kids have evolutions that are impossible for other people to accomplish, and even some actual Chosen (speaking about outside main 12, like Catherine and Mina). Even though everyone on Earth gets a digimon partner, not everyone is a Destined. The first 8 can go up to ultimates and two of them can become megas; that's more than probably the whole world of Destined because they have crests and the rest of the world doesn't. Davis's generation has DNA evolution, which is something only his generation can accomplish. If people tell Davis that he's weak and anyone can defeat the enemy he defeated, it's kind of like being a scrawny nerd going up to a marine and saying, "Dude, I can beat you in an arm wrestling match". If you're writing this from a realistic stand-point, these people weren't watching an anime. Anyone thinking they could do the same is probable, but most likely not that common. Also, I think Davis would easily challenge them to a match and prove just how strong he really is rather than feeling negative about it ("You think I'm weak? Take that!" - but that's only what I think he'd do, -shrug-).
My first instinct was that it's possible. But, when I thought about it, it's really unlikely.
WHOA WHOA WHOA. Just got to the part where Veemon starts singing via Beauty and the Beast. Alright, guy. This is a really good fic and I LOVE that they're singing this (it oddly fits Davis, and it's a hilarious thought) - however, you need a disclaimer saying you didn't write that song, you just used the lyrics and changed some words around. You know what I mean? Those aren't your words, they're someone else's, which is a very different thing. It's hilarious and VERY fitting, but you need to give credit where it's due, you know what I mean?
lol, they use coffee instead of beer. Excellent nod toward Beauty and the Beast.
Lastly, again, try to add more description during the song parts. It can be aggravating, but trust me, it'll really benefit your writing skills!
| Glory Nizenea chapter 1 . 6/17/2009
If it weren't for your large amount of fics and the fact that you've been here for three years, I'd be inclined to call troll. However, seeing as I have a small sliver of hope that you're not, I'll review this carefully.
First of all, I believe this story has potential. It has a moderately good idea, kind of original, and I like the thought of it. I think with a little work, it could turn out to be a great story.
Now for the concrit.
First of all, you should probably put a disclaimer on this thing. I know that it's kind of stupid (obviously, most if not all of the writers at this site aren't making money off of these works nor do they own them), but it's just a rule of thumb.
Secondly, there's a supreme lack of description. I'm willing to read the other two chapters in a moment, but considering how quickly this story is updating, I think we can safely assume the writing style doesn't dramatically change. The lyrics are quirky and very... High School Musical... but ultimately, you entered this site to write fiction. If you feel like writing lyrics, it might be best to label this as poetry instead. But seeing as you haven't labelled it poetry, try to add a little more oomph to the narrative, you know what I mean?
Like, between characters singing, note them wringing arms or doing some kind of flashy choreography. It's supposed to be a musical, so go into the dramatics of a musical. Note wind sweeping through hair, or fluttering hands, or Davis walking toward the group but only seeing their backs. See what I mean?
That leads me to my third and final point. While I think this plot has merit, I also believe that it is theoretically impossible for Davis to not be getting enough attention. The whole world saw -his- (and Ken's) digimon give the coup de grace to MaloMyotismon. You'd think people would be worshipping him and kissing his feet - he's like Superman, in a way. So, while I think it has a good premise, I also think it's unrealistic. He'd have to be a pretty gluttonous guy if he's -still- not getting the attention he needs after giving the final hit on MaloMyotismon. I mean, what's a guy gotta' do around here if he can be the strongest Destined and still not get enough attention? Also, well, I think that Davis would be the last person to really feel any sort of deep loneliness in this situation, but that might just be me.
So, that's it really. I'll review the next two chapters within a short time. Again, I think the story has promise, you just have to work out the kinks. Hopefully you'll be able to in later chapters if you're unwilling to edit the first few.
Also, perhaps try getting a beta. While I can tell you ran it through spellcheck a few times, the grammar and spelling is still off here and there. But then again, I think every writer has that problem once in a while.