Reviews for Be My Boyfriend for 5 Minutes
TheDarkSecretsOfFablehaven chapter 14 . 3/8/2012
Oh! and I liked the way you ended with what you started with, nice touch :)
TheDarkSecretsOfFablehaven chapter 15 . 3/8/2012
Haha! Boyfriend for a couple minutes was kind of over-used, but I liked the main thing that I didn't like was really the lack of attention to detail. When reading a book, a reader wants to be constantly engaged and while doing other things constantly thinking 'what could possibly happen next?' You had several promising parts of the story, but they just weren't described in detail. I never got the feeling that I was in the room with them and could feel the intensity waves! The way my Creative writing teacher told me is that you want to kind of just narrate uninteresting parts (or skip them all together) but then in the important parts, slow down, make the reader slow down with you, and get detailed. (If I could use italics those last two words would be in italics.) Something else that kind of dragged on- the ring. We kind of all knew it was coming and it was just getting annoying after so long. If you want to drag something on like that, you can't give so many clues -only give the tip of the iceberg- we all knew what was coming ever since the box, and those of us who know foreshadowing when we see it, knew at the fake proposal. Something to note, I wouldn't go with 'Edward froze' ever, Meyer kind over-did that one with him on the bed and then when he finds out she's pregnant- it's just to - as I said you DID have a lot of good plot-twists. Drunk father was definitely one of them but... he was only a drunk when convenient? Also, one chapter you tell us he's a drunk, next Edward tells Bella? I get that you probably wanted to show that they were already developing trust in each other, but you should have waited (again with the italics thing.) A drunk father! That seems like a really deep, dark secret that one wouldn't want to share for a while, that one would hide and try to ignore! This has to be another facet of Edward not just something blurted out on a second date. You want him to keep this secret like a dragon hoards precious jewels and gold! (I'm not a dork, pinkie-promise, I just sound like it now.) Like a murderer would bury all (possible) evidence of a crime they've committed. ...I think you're getting the idea.

-I'm sorry if I seem unbelievably cruel and unforgiving, I'm really just trying to give constructive criticism. I was originally considering ripping into your writing like a plague in a medieval village, but then I remembered something that a) you actually do have a good plot-line b) I have no right to bully a potentially great writer off of fanfiction c) I heard someone great say that one shouldn't use the mask of being online to be rude and cruel to those they don't know and d) I remembered my younger sister telling me about how she watched a couple things on youtube where people make comments that are extremely rude and hurtful to those who made the videos and I didn't want to be one of the people that my little sister had been disgusted at.

I don't know if you're one who often comments on youtube videos or not, but if you are, please do your best, as I did to use constructive criticism, something that can help for the future instead of ripping to shreds the confidence of little kids that don't know any better than to post on youtube videos of themselves, asking if they're pretty or not. Please do your best to pass this on.
TheDarkSecretsOfFablehaven chapter 11 . 3/8/2012
okay so someone may have mentioned this to you already, but in a couple of the previous chapters, you accidentally made Edward's last name 'Cullen' rather than 'Masen'...also, with the whole star thing and bright points of reason- that's a great metaphor, but...you ended with broken? Kind of a wasted opportunity. Blind would have been better, to go along with the metaphor.
sarahlouise80 chapter 15 . 8/28/2011
fantastic it.
seusslover123 chapter 11 . 7/19/2011
That was funny. I liked alices reaction to the call
BlueButterfly148 chapter 15 . 6/22/2011
AAAHHH! amazing story I loved it and you used my name for Brittney, same spelling n everything. Yay
4Ever Edward chapter 1 . 6/8/2011
lol...funny first chapter
zeina1 chapter 15 . 3/30/2011
aw i like it
tiffyboocullenjonas chapter 15 . 2/9/2011
wow that was agreat loved it
yuriana chapter 15 . 12/13/2010
love it
yuriana chapter 13 . 12/13/2010
love it
yuriana chapter 12 . 12/13/2010
love it
yuriana chapter 11 . 12/13/2010
love it
yuriana chapter 9 . 12/13/2010
love it
yuriana chapter 8 . 12/13/2010
love it
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