|Reviews for Heiress by Blood|
| Meneldur chapter 4 . 7/8/2009
A good chapter. I'll need to edit it so it's more readable, though. Hopefully I'll be finished by tomorrow at the latest.
Mel gets really angry at Nee, and unfairly blames her. When Mel learns the truth, she is shocked. All the reactions were quite in character and plausible. Mel runs off, and apologizes to Nee when she comes back. They make up, but Mel is totally angry at Galdran.
Virandric returns with Bran. Mel doesn't realize this until the next day in Court, though.
I'm glad you used my idea about War Fans. Although Tessejutsu is the art of fighting with them, not a name for one.
Why does Mel bring greeting from the King of Sartor if the ruler of Sartor is a Queen?
The necklace and Flauvic were quite cute. I liked them a lot. Flauvic certainly right, he'll need it to help her.
| MissAX chapter 5 . 7/7/2009
yay! an update! I like the fan idea, it is very canon with what Sherwood Smith feels about fan language and their power. For some reason, it also reminds me of the Protector of the Small series by Tamora Pierce... anyways, nicely done.
The only problem I have is the 2 huge paragraphs in ch. 4. Long paragraphs are tedious to read and reminds me of long, hard novels read in English class (Heart of Darkness comes to mind first...). There also seems to be some repetition in ch. 4 and ch. 5, which I don't know is intentional or from the occasional glitch on Fanfiction.
Well, keep up the good work and update soon!
| courtingu chapter 4 . 7/7/2009
wo! HE IS BACK! and i know you know WHO i am talking about! VIDRANTIC! cant wait to see what will happen... so excited!
| Meneldur chapter 3 . 6/25/2009
AN excellent chapter, though the mistakes get quite annoying. if you want, I could try to fix them sometime today, and send to your e-mail the completed version. I'm quite willing to do this to any chapter you have, if you want.
The party had many great scenes. Lord Dreever was a great character, and the stories he told of Mel were hilarious.
You also answer my question regarding Mel's relatioship with Yustenvas. I can so see Mel slapping her. Lord Dreever's rejoinder was great as well.
Russav was also funny and in-character. I liked his brief flash.
So, Flauvic and Mel are good friends. They also trust each other and help each other. But was Mel teasing him about the 'evil sorcerer planning to take over the world', or is she serious and knows he wants to do this? 'Flauvie' and 'Mellie' were also hilarious.
Mel finds out the truth about Bran and her ftather, and is quite angry, at Nee as well. Where will this lead to? A defiance of her father? We'll have to wait and see.
Geral Keradec - He's the guy who flirts with Mel and likes sports.
Deric Toarvendar - the guy considered worthy to marry Fialma, who appears with Mel at cultural events, and doesn't have any flirts, because he's actually gay.
Oh, I think you should have alook at this. I was reminded of it because of the Katana's:
The ultimate accesory for a warrior in a court where everybody uses fans: en./wiki/Tessen
Also, if Mel is a true fighter, she would never be defenseless, even in court. I would recommend having a hairstyle with hair ornaments, which are actually some type of dagger/sai/stilleto.
| MissAX chapter 3 . 6/24/2009
Awesome update as usual ) nice and long chapters are the best!
Anyways, I believe one of her suitors is Geral (not 100% sure)? Derec sounds about right too.
| merryabandon chapter 3 . 6/24/2009
This was a welcome sight after surgery! I really like where this is going, and I certainly hope that Flauvic remains to have an important role to play. Eager also to see what Vidanric and Flauvic think of one another, and how Mel handles that. My favorite lines:
'I am sorry I couldn't bring one immediately, they were adorable.'
'May I know who called my name?'
So Savona. :D I look forward to the next chapter!
| Meneldur chapter 2 . 6/23/2009
Mel doesn't really like Galdran. Surprise surprise. But he really doesn't know her, if he thinks she'll do what he says. He must think she's some kind of court lady, at the most like his sister. ALthough, this raises the question of why Galdran never kept in touch. Does it have somehting to do with Mel's mother? Is it because he wanted a son?
Mel's quite angry, and learns a bit of how harsh her father is. What will she do?
So, Nee is a talented healer as well. That's always good. Still, we must keep stuff in proportion. You wouldn't want Mel, Nee and her seven guards as some kind of super-heroes, defeating everybody in thier way. They're quite strong already, even if it seems Mel's strength is drained a lot by any magic.
It seems Mel will be happy to meet Flauvic. But is he the same cousin she remembers?
Mora seems to have become kind of like a mother-nurse for Mel. Like Julen, possibly? Perhaps.
So, what will happen when Mel meets evrybody? We'll have to wait and see, I guess.
| Meneldur chapter 1 . 6/23/2009
Interesting take. Of course, it raises amny questions, such as who's Mel's mother, and so forth, but I'm sure you'll answer them in time.
Mel knows her cousin, Flauvic. How? And what doe she think of him?
Who else does she know? Does she know Yustenvas Landis (the Queen of Sartor), for example? Is she good friends with her?
Mel is both an accomplished warrior and mage. I like that. I always thought it was annoying how she was practically worthless in the books. Katanas, huh? Another example of 'Katanas are cooler'. They would have to be half-length with Mel's height. I assume everything of how she looks stayed the saem, of course. I like the fact that despite being aware of her status, she still is a rebel and doesn't like playing the lady.
Nee is an archer? Interesting. Still, archery can be a lady's soprt, and she is obviously still a lady.
Mel having a private guard is a nice idea. Loyal only to her -a kind of elite guard. Do they have a name?
They meet Bran. I assume he's a rebel, if he's willing to kill Galdran's men. He also doesn't know who Mel is, otherwise he'd capture her - or try to, at least.
Meliara obviously hates Court stuff. But to the point of fainting? I find that hard to beleive. Stil, perhaps it was all the stress from the journey and meeting her father.
| merryabandon chapter 2 . 6/22/2009
Yay! A new chapter! I'm really anticipating Mel's interactions with the Marquise and her children...
| MissAX chapter 2 . 6/22/2009
keep up the good work! but where's vidanric? hope he makes an appearance soon!
| courtingu chapter 1 . 6/16/2009
o my god! this is really god! cant wai till you add the next chapter! also cant wait to find out how mel and dranic met!i think this is an amazing story! hope you have fun writing it!1
| HRHPrincessTricia chapter 1 . 6/16/2009
Please update soon!
| math music reading chapter 1 . 6/16/2009
Awesome! Your plot is so original, I love how the story has so much potential while it will still almost stay true to the original!
| MissAX chapter 1 . 6/16/2009
awesome start to this story! keep up with the updates! i hope this is a mel-danric story!
| merryabandon chapter 1 . 6/16/2009
I really enjoyed the twist in your version of the story. The plot has so much potential to change from the original, even while following the basic premise. I look forward to your next installment and Mel's interactions with the court and Galdran.