Reviews for Smile
HeavyBane chapter 1 . 11/30/2013
Miss Rune chapter 1 . 10/17/2013
Although I dislike your blunt critique methods, personally find your stories quite interesting and likeable though indeed usually devoid of that special fragment that makes them pulse with life. But perhaps that is too harsh a reaction seeing how this story is about Eggman who is spiralling into the void of insanity from what I can see. I'm not honesty sure.

I am sure you are far too sick of hearing this but your writing, though incredible as far as grammar goes, doesn't have that special spark. It feels that you haven't found that special passion to write and though I may be simply spouting nonsense, it really feels as though you're simply painting a picture black and white.

Like many of your reviewers (mostly enemies from what I can see), I was also critiqued by you and though very hurt by your words I thanked you for not sugar-coating your thoughts. But this isn't supposed to be all about me and my writing at the time and I won't make this review about me.

Please be more considerate about the feelings of those you critique. It really hurts though it's usually true and it turns fledgling writers off writing, simply out of shame, anger and humiliation.

I doubt you'll take this review seriously though...heck, you'll probably just point out all of the grammical mistakes or ignore it.

Have a nice day.

TwiddledSpire chapter 2 . 7/14/2013
You're too harsh on people, you need to be considerate to other people's feelings when your own work isn't amazing like Shakespeare's work, you seem to think you're the pinnacle of writing genius.

I'm a mature person which is why I'm having trouble fathoming your behaviour towards young kids wanting to write stories about a character you love as much as them. This isn't a competition, no-one gets a prize other than satisfying other people by making a good story, lets not pretend that everyone loves your work. A good story isn't measured by grammar and whatever, its the content and the story people love and you have no right to be so hateful when people make a mistake.

Usually the amount of reviews are a measure on how popular the story is. If you weren't a bully your stories wouldn't even hit 100 reviews as about half of your reviews are a measure of how much people hate you for being a bully because there really is no other way to describe your behaviour toward others.

And why do you feel the need to end every response with 'Good Day' ? It's just lame, it's not clever, it's not witty and it doesn't put you on another level from other writers. Have no fear, your stories are JUST as average as the rest of us despite you trying SO hard to tell everyone otherwise.
TwiddledSpire chapter 1 . 7/14/2013
Teeth gritting, he was ready to imitate a kettle.
He poofed mercilessly at the image.

WHAT. What does that even mean? You've got a lot of nerve being an absolute ass who flames (and I mean FLAMES) other peoples stories because YOU don't like them when yours don't make sense. You want constructive criticism? Fine.

Your story is too serious for Sonic. He is a blue hedgehog that runs at the speed of sound to stop a fatman in his floating machine from trying to destroy the world via shiny magical rocks. You see how ridiculous that sentence sounded? That's PERFECT for Sonic, he is not meant to be taken seriously after all look what happened when SEGA did Sonic 06?

I cant fathom where your sheer arrogance comes from, you take delight in bullying people hiding it under a veil of 'Proper Criticism'.

For those people who don't believe me when I say this guy is an ass, this is what he messaged me: "I begrudgingly admit that what you say about being a reviewer and whatnot
were very good." (me)

That's kind of the point.

From a reviewer's POV, if a story breaks the rules, it will disappear along
with the review. As such, writing something very detailed would be

"funnily enough having looked through reviews on your own stories many people
criticise about you being a horrible reviewer and are mean for no reason." (me)

I don't mind. If I did mind, I'd report the lot and their accounts would be
deleted for posting spam on the review board. Though, it is funny when they
unwittingly hand you the trigger.

Good day.
theroannabear chapter 1 . 5/24/2013
Hmm... Interesting. I think. I found the first chapter rather intriguing, as it leaves me with the curiousity of what happens next.

Obviously, I've only read the first chapter. So I don't have a lot to say yet.

However, I am seeing an awful lot of horrible reviews. It's not putting me off, but it's awful to see things like that. I'm sure your writing isn't as bad as some people have made it out to be.

I will simply have to judge for myself. I'll come back to this story. Have a good day :-)
Soulfully Sadistic chapter 1 . 12/5/2012
I don't understand why people are saying there's no emotion here. I see a LOT of emotion expressed by the characters. The narrative is for the narrative, and the characters are for the feelings.

I like the "minimalist" effect your story has so far; the clipped sentences giving a mechanical and gloomy, gray feel. The only thing I might criticize so far is a couple grammar mistakes-but they look like simply slip-ups. Good job.

SonicRings chapter 18 . 11/12/2012
My gosh...
You have accomplished something here. Of all the horror stories I've read, this is the only one that has made my stomach churn. After reading what happened to Shadow (which was brilliant. I could've never thought of that. It was so simple, yet it made me want to hurl), I don't think I can continue reading. At least, not right now.
All in all, I really like this story so far. Keep up the great work! :)
Qwisse chapter 28 . 8/30/2012
I'm not sure if reading this before going to bed was a good idea.

Definitely not a good idea was reading reviews before the story itself. Stupid, I know, but those pieces of hatred did their trick: Smile ended up being not the first in my to-read list.

It's not that it lacks emotion. The kind of emotion there is one that expresses itself through characters' actions and thoughts rather than through direct descriptions. It's not so easy to get, but it strikes hard when caught.

Main storyline feels additional. It develops mainly in first and last chapters, leaving space for some other things. Would've called it character development, were it not mainly character displacement. Still, those parts are obviously the salt of the story. It was pleasant to see how everyone received quite thought-out and personalised care. Chapters 9, 18 and 22 seemed the best to me; don't know why, but chapter 15 left the most vague impression. Maybe I just didn't get it right, though.

Not sure what to think about Robotnik here. He's attractive and repulsive at the same time. I thought I liked the idea of the doctor being mad before, but maybe I'd have to look up 'mad' again. His personality in Smile is nowhere near I used to imagine.

Congratulations on picturing a believable Sonic. His speech is rather hard to imitate, but you still managed it.

Although I felt itchy towards the end of chapter 13. If it was me, I'd yield to temptation to make Sonic use that machine until the place was choke full of blue blurs... The hedgehog seemed to be past caring about morals at that point. But you still know better, of course.

The last part of the story feels bitter, but it fits its place. Not sure if the continuation is needed, though. It feels complete as it is.

Language is another noticeable feature. Personally I didn't mind having to reach for the dictionary more often than normally, so I thoroughly enjoyed the variety of words. Fancy how you sometimes combine ordinary words in a way that makes them ring. Lets me feel I still have a long way to go.

Descriptions are rich. Writing battle scenes is not easy, for me at least, and this fanfic consists mostly of them. I can imagine how much energy was spent on picturing every move.

Lengthy descriptions came out double-edged, though.

I wouldn't have stumbled at that hadn't the time been mentioned. Now, with time limits being outlined, I struggled to mentally squeeze the action into them - and generally failed. While rereading chapter 15, I could fit all words in eighteen seconds, but only with Amy sounding like Wave in Sonic Riders. Needless to say, the local drama couldn't be taken seriously after that. Long paragraphs for actions that last mere seconds and a bunch of chapters for twenty minutes confused me to the point when I believed the battle lasted for hours. I was more than surprised to find out that some time still was left in last chapters.

While struggling characters were in the center of all, background turned blurry from time to time, that's what I'm trying to say. Hoo well...

Humorous bits look lively among the horror. The robot's definition of pest in chapter 24 nearly made me fall off the couch.

Stumbled at these:
[creatures just got a too clingy] ch. 9
[Eggman was informed also informed] ch. 13
[locked in a large cell while a single light above] ch. 14
[disturb ones sick fantasies] ch. 15
[hone in on Eggman] ch. 24
Typos, no? Still not too much for a 42k word story, though.


I think I still haven't got everything said there; reading the story again after a year or two might be a considerable option. Still, the main message was delivered. I can recall very few stories that had such an effect on me. Using your own words: it strikes a chord.


- Qwisse.
Guest chapter 1 . 8/8/2012
Nice story but I think it needs some work still
Vheeri The Succubus chapter 1 . 6/29/2012
I recently saw a review you made and I was impressed, seeing as how not many readers will speak out against obvously poor writing in such a way. So, naturally, I looked to see what you had to offer. Honestly, it seems as though what other stories had, you lack, but what you lack, the other stories have.

I tried one of your fics, couldn't follow it- so I figured, "Eh, they can't all be that confusing... right?"

I have no idea what's going on. It's like the 5 W's got tossed out of a window here. Just as the other reviewers have stated, you're writing lacks emotion, and a general sense of what's happening. You put detail into things that make no sense without previous detail. Ya feel me?

I know what you write would be phenonemal if only you got a beta-reader or hell, even telling readers just what was going on. You obviously have talent that could best the majority of the fics here, you just need to refine it.
PhantomGurl12344 chapter 2 . 5/13/2012
Meh,its okay... But something feels off. Like, this was pretty confusing. Just what the HELL is going on? I don't know how to explain it but I can't visualize what's happening. Like, where are they? What are they doing? I just don't feel emotion.
King Scissorsnips chapter 28 . 3/12/2012
How come everyone's hatin on u? this story was beautifully written, way past cool, and kept me on my toes each chapter. Brilliant mann! just wow wow. :)
BeefMclargeHuge chapter 1 . 2/7/2012
This is seriously one of the best stories I've read in a while on this site and I don't understand why everyone bothers to review it if they just give a very biased and flawed review.
mmmk chapter 1 . 4/18/2011
you must be one insecure mofo. You spend so much energy trying to appear intelligent when, quite obviously, you are a creative cripple.

Boring, with too many grammar faults. Tsk tsk.

You're just a lowly human after all LK; IQ a very mediocre 100. My condolances, do you need a razor blade?
NO ONE chapter 28 . 3/6/2011
Listen to Bumpkin(a reviewer from your story Blazing Metal).He just might pound a thing or two in your evil,evil,pea-sized thing you call a -less MONSTER!
143 | Page 1 2 3 4 .. Last Next »