|Reviews for Divine Intervention|
| Mickeygee chapter 2 . 6/19/2009
I've decided that I officially want a Numair when I grow up. He's goofy, he's oblivious, but he still has half a brain and he's just... I have no idea. He's just amazing.
So... The question is, what does your version of Numair think of Varice? I'm wicked interested to see...
As always, marvelously done!
| Emily chapter 2 . 6/19/2009
Foreshadowing by the bucketload and regular intervals of doom: my favorite, a winning combination! : )
Having just returned from reading Teacher and... a good bit of Power, I am so happy to find a new post! : ) Is the new acquaintance with the sense of humor in the actual Emperor Mage? I wonder...
Keep posting! It's good! : )
P.S. Numair IS CLUELESS.
| xox.heart chapter 2 . 6/19/2009
Here's my excuse, :3
See, I thought I put you on author alert, but I didn't so I kept waiting for an update that didn't come. *Sniffle*
Anyways, brilliant chapter. It makes me sqee and clap my hands in delight!
| xox.heart chapter 1 . 6/19/2009
Sorry I haven't had time to review so I'm going to give a total reveiw for next chapter when I read it.
| mischievous green eyes chapter 2 . 6/19/2009
Loved it, as per usual. I'd have to agree with you about Numair's eloquence, but the man is clueless. The fact that he didn't even realize he suddenly started noticing that Daine is pretty is so typical of a man haha. I really liked the way this chapter played out! It seems to me that this is one of my favorite chapters in all the books, too, except for the entrance of Varice, whom I hate on principle. I'm looking forward to seeing what you make of her.
| Madame Star chapter 2 . 6/19/2009
Oh, bravo! I have a feeling this is going to be your best yet. Emperor Mage is really Numair-centric so there is a ton of things to play on, and plenty of room to add a little touch. Looking forward to the next chapter. -Star-
P.S. And for some reason I can't come up with any ideas as to who this old acquaintance is.
| ShyNotScared13 chapter 2 . 6/19/2009
Yay! New chappie! Hm...Next chappie is where Daine heals teh birds? I think..? Huh... I wonder what our hero is doing in all that time?
| Ginger-Snapp chapter 2 . 6/19/2009
As always, I can not star tout this review with out giving you excessive compliments on your writing. But, as Ive already covered the basics, and you have many people here telling you how awesome you are, lets move along, shall we?
Now, first of all is just a technical problem. Take a look at this sentence. "He shook his head and looked down at her for the first time, smiling in surprise as he saw her and speaking without thinking. " Okay, I've reviewed this sentence many times, and I finally deemed that, technically, it is grammatically correct. However, it is slightly awkward to read. See the most part of the sentence is past tense, and then you use 'speaking' to make it present tense. I suggest re arranging the sentence so that it is less awkward. I takes away from that paragraph and interrupts the flow of the story.
Okay, a few things that were sorely missed for me. This beginning scene is one I enjoy very much. It's filled with so much new for Daine, its overwhelming. Also, It must be very excruciating for Numair. He deals with so many things at one point. First his anxiety, then Ozorne, then oh whats her name, Varice. I think there should be more to this chapter, more detail. Add a little something in there. Instead of this being like a real chapter in a real book, its like you've summarized the Emperor Mage chapter with Numair's side of it. Let me put it this way. If you were Tamora Peirce and you had written the whole series from Numair's INSTEAD of Daine's PoV, then I would have no clue what the hell just happened. However, since I do know...
Other smaller things that were missed included when Numair tells Daine that she'll break hearts. Thats in there, right? or did I see that in another story...? Either way, I think you should have Numair focus on Daine a little bit more. I understand he's quiet distracted, but a man of Numair's reputation is not one to leave things unnoticed, especially when it comes to Daine. He may not know he loves her yet, but there is no harm in fanning the flame. Plus, it is a real crowd pleaser.
On to Varice. I think you need to focus more on the first sight. Really get a feel for her. I know you say you don't know her every well, but maybe you don't need to. You can make this work, because I don't think Numair understands her that we'll either. He just cant understand her kind of personality. However, what he can understand is how beautiful she was and is, and I think if you focus more on it, you can make it work. And old lover. Im not sure exactly what you could do with that. I think you might just want to put a detailed description of her, right before he speaks her name. Something more to introduce her, because whether you like it or not (and Ive noticed no one seems too, I for one enjoy her very much) she is part of the story. Every character should have a good introduction when he or she is important to the main characters. Especially when she is the end of the chapter. add some spice, some sizzle. She plays a role that COULD be absent...but its not. And it's up to you to fulfill the writing standard you have set for your readers, which unfortunately for you, you have set pretty high.
OKay, back to the good stuff. I like the NumairxLindhall conversation. Its good. I think you could add some more description of the man, and maybe give Numair a bit more thoughts on the subject of which he speaks. I think it would be good to add a little more..chunk to that section. It looks a little thin.
Okay, I'm done.
Now please, do NOT take offense at my little rantings. remember what I told you in my last review, many paragraphs devoted to how awesome you are. And if you get defensive, I will leave a much nicer review. Force of habit. So please, enjoy my comments, and take the good stuff to heart. The rest of it just goes into your brain and uplifts you knowledge factor. However, you really dont need me for that, so whats the point?
Until Next time,
Ginger Marie Snapp
(Holey Smokes! I wrote...four thousand letters. COOL!)
| watermageb chapter 2 . 6/19/2009
I heart Lindhall, and you seem to be doing a good job in building up to a nervous breakdown for Numair. His worries arent unfounded by any means, but it seems like he's just making things worse for himself. I do look forward to seeing how you build the attraction between him and Daine as well. Keep it up!
| Fairy Struck chapter 2 . 6/19/2009
Another fantastic beginning to what is clearly going to be a great fanficton. I don't know what I'll do when the series is over.
I have the same problem with writing Varice. I just doesn't sound right...
Anyways, fabulous job.
| Shadow-hidden-Sun chapter 2 . 6/19/2009
Awesome chapter! You portrayed Numair's discomfort of the ship ride to the court really well.
| spazzysassyangel chapter 2 . 6/19/2009
i hate varice shes the one character in the book that i cant stand. Loved the chapter though
| Zako Lord of Randomnessness chapter 2 . 6/19/2009
I'm being completely serious when I say that every other line in this chapter made me say either "I love that!" or "That is so Numair."
An enjoyable read, and I didn't notice any glaring errors of grammar, tense or anything else that would bug me to the point of noticing it-Congratulations. :)
I wait impatiently for your next update.
| KrisEleven chapter 2 . 6/19/2009
Awesome chapter! I really enjoyed the descriptions and emotions of this one. I think it was an excellent set-up to the story.
That's very true- Alanna never would have gotten into the room. You understand what was offputting, though, right? The sudden shift from him being an angry drunk to comforter brought me out of the story a bit.
Anyway, this chapter had absolutely nothing for me to complain about, and I cannot wait until the next chapter is written and posted.
| ArizonaBay chapter 1 . 6/18/2009
Pooh... Grumpy drunks are no fun, lol. I love it that you started the story out before the book. Numair's reaction really sets the mood for the rest of the plot. I'm really itching to read his thoughts on Varice! I'm not a Varice hater, lol. The more I think about her character the more I feel sorry for her... I've always wondered what exactly she and Numair had. Anyway, I'll be waiting for more as always.