|Reviews for My Dying Breath|
| Beanacre0 chapter 1 . 6/19/2009
Brilliant One-shot. Loved it. So sad, and so happy at the same time (if that makes sense). Oh, and love the avatar. It's awesome! One of the best I've seen.
| Sapphire at Dawn chapter 1 . 6/18/2009
An interesting fic, I like the idea, and the epitaph at the end, though I have to say, are you writing this as AU, since Bellatrix didn't survive the war.
I also think that this could do with a bit more emotion and emotive language to add to the effect.
There were also some things that I thought could have been elaborated on or done better. Firstly there was this: 'Since Lucius wasn't as horrible anymore...' It's a rather bland statement, would be better with more emotion and description in. Why isnt he horrible anymore? In what ways? What made him stop? Would he not have taken his dying wife to the hospital before? Seems ridiculous to me to think that he wouldn't.
'I was dying.' Here, I think you switch tenses, but I'm not sure. To me it looks like it should be 'I am dying.' as this seems to fit better with the rest of the language you use before.
'and/or maintained' Here, I'm not a fan of the slash in the middle of the sentance, it looks sloppy and unprofessional, try to think of another way to put it. Also, you should capitalise 'Death Eater'.
But all in all, not a bad fic, just needs some work on the emotions conveyed to the reader as at the moment it does seem a little bland, and it is a very sensitive subject. But well done for writing.