|Reviews for The Chain|
| Kind of a big deal chapter 2 . 7/8/2009
This is turning out to be pretty good. The length of the paragraphs and chapters is just right too.
I especially like how you're light on the conversations that ultimately don't matter much. For example, the whole scene with his mother would have been a bit of a drag to read and probably also to write. Much better to mostly leave it to the imagination like you did. Most stories would benefit from that sort of writing.
| Sand-Jounin-Temari chapter 2 . 7/7/2009
And so the plot thickens. I'll be waiting for the next chapter! Poor Shikamaru. I'd hate to be in his shoes. Please update soon!
| Big Paja chapter 2 . 7/7/2009
You continue to impress me. Again and again You show exemplary comprehension of the Naruto characters, Shikamaru especially. This story makes me even more curious about what You have in stock for Your main fic. Though it will still take You a few chapters to cover the last two arcs of Part I and many, many more to reach this point in time, what You show here assures me that You have a good number of more than interesting ideas for filling the gaps of Shikamaru's life that we do not see in canon.
The highlight of this chapter for me was the exchange between Shikamaru and Shikaku and its concluding paragraph with some Yoshino goodness. The way You make them understand each other clicked for me right away. I loved the play with the house's shadow - Shikamaru hiding in it, Shikaku first standing outside of it and then entering it to "get a good look" at his son. You also mentioned shadows in other passages of this chapter. I told this to Kind of a big deal in a review of one chapter of his fic "The bingo book" and I will tell You as well that using the shadow, shade, light/dark metaphors and symbolism is exactly what good Shikamaru-fics need so I encourage You to continue with it.
Unfortunately, I have to point out that You still make too many grammatical mistakes to just let it slide. While I am already accostumed to the kind of errors You make and the fact that the majority of Naruto fan-fics are in a DESPERATE need of proof-reading on top of being crap, I will repeat that in the case of stories as good as Yours, the errors are more glaring and can damage the experience more than one would like to admit. Either get another Beta for these shorter stories You are making now or use my services again - I would gladly do it for You.
| sunaprincess7 chapter 2 . 7/7/2009
lol, if he hurts temari i will kill him!
I love it that you've made him so smart though. I know that sounds stupid because its a given that he's smart, but I can actually see him thinking through your language. It's very pleasing to see him so brainy. Break from the average fanfiction.
can't wait for the next update!:D
| Sand-Jounin-Temari chapter 1 . 6/18/2009
7 chapters? Is that something significant or is it just basic? Anyway, I loved this. Even though there was litle dialogue at the start, I was completely hooked after the first paragraph. I loved the interaction between Temari and Shikamaru before she left; formal but decisive. Please update soon!
| sunaprincess7 chapter 1 . 6/18/2009
extremely confused. and i've read the manga!
but yet somehow whatever plot you've planned for this story continues to elude me.
I'm usually pretty good at predicting where people are gonna take their stories but as of now i'm officially stumped.
having said that I'm very intrigued and I can't wait for the next seven chapters- it sounds like its gonna b a good political adventure but again I'm only guessing here.
update soon please!:D
| T.Killer.Kunoichi chapter 1 . 6/18/2009
Kind of sensible but still good...
Good way to end the chapter, but now
I want to know more...