I love it very much! Its very poetic and surprisingly I can see Haruhi thinking like that!

I felt Haruhi's aggravation!

Hmm, wonder what Haruhi is so upset about. Doesn't she get

that Kyon can't possibly choose anyone else, since she can

will him to be loyal only to her, or is he immune to the power that she carries? Maybe she needs to stop dressing Mikuru in such provocative attire, and maybe order that she

even must stay away from Kyon.

Anyway, good job. I got an idea similar to this that i gotta get out there.