|Reviews for PITCH|
| A.D. Williams chapter 1 . 8/24/2009
I know nearly everyone has said it, but I too have to agree with L's reasoning about the pen. Oh, I hate it when I lend out something, no matter what it is, and it never comes back to me! Like the first day of school...and you're wondering what the hell happened to this kid's stuff ON THE FIRST DAY! Granted, I'm also very stingy...I seriously don't like even loaning anything out, xD! Or even borrowing something from someone...the thought of having to repay the favor isn't something that I care for.
Anywho, I'm thrilled about this story already, _ Love your writing!
| VampireDoll666 chapter 5 . 8/24/2009
Nice, Smexy, Wonderful...what more can one say.*smiles*
| lainu chapter 5 . 8/24/2009
It makes me a little guilty reading and enjoying this fic but I really to like it (because I'm a fangirl) and now I'm curious about what's gonna happen next since Light's finally got his hands into L's pants.
| aria.magnolia chapter 3 . 8/24/2009
(I am firm in my conviction that adding an "O" to the end of Light's name makes everything ten times as hilarious. Also, it makes him sound like some sort of cereal. Please, streaking is more than welcome with me.)
Now I'm starting to get curious about Light's background in this AU. He seems pretty well-off, but if his age is actually 19 that would mean he's only living off his Dad's money, which doesn't seem to quite fit somehow. Now personally I always pictured Light as a novelist when he wasn't busy pretending to be L. For some reason police officer Light just never quite felt right with me. Maybe it's his aversion to getting his hands dirty. I've always felt the only reason he wants to be one in canon is to follow in his father's footsteps. This Light feels more cynical and less earnest and appears to live for nothing other than his own satisfaction. (With the result being that everyone is not only likely to be alive but even has a slim chance in hell of being happy. Light, you really are your own worst enemy. You trying to be helpful is much, much worse than Dobby trying to help Harry in Chamber of Secrets.) I'm quite curious as to what happened in the past to turn him away from the JUSTICE!-branded potato chips. Hopefully something traumatic and angst-inducing.
I JUST noticed that you use Raito in PITCH instead of Light. Any particular reason for it? I personally like both names just as well, so I have no problems with the change. Actually most of the time I have to stop myself from using the two names interchangeably. Just wants to know if it's significant to the story in any way.
Don't know if you meant it to be interpreted this way, but Misa seemed like she's Light's childhood friend that was always (not so) secretly in love with him in this one. It's just that I highly doubt a mere ex-girlfriend would be able to twist Light's arm to do anything. Not really important, but the mental image tiny, squeaky Misa and severely annoyed baby Light is kind of adorable.
Oh I don't care if you are going to die of cancer, Light dear. Please keep on imbibing the poison stick. It's a damn sexy image. Though Alcoholic!Raito would be kind of fun too. (I like it when you put in details like that, it helps me get to know this Light. As is made evident by my extensive speculation on his background.)
I like Watari's girlfriend, but it's just... Celia makes me think of either cilia or celiac disease. Neither of which is very attractive. (My biology major is showing... ) But yes, Celia dear is certainly very chirpy and I'm glad the elderly gentleman gets some romance of his own.
I like how you describe L's nervousness in social situations. Being nowhere near Light the smooth operator myself it feels very real to me and does much to humanize this L.
As I've said before, Light never misses an opportunity to imply things that L is not quite equipped to handle. I don't mind things progressing slowly (but deliciously) but at the same time, I can't help wishing that Light would just drag him into bed already.
"mon petit hérisson" LOVE
"You may find, though, that I am an excellent conversationalist."
Always has to get in the last word, that boy. The Light and L conversation just sparkles, every time they interact with each other.
| La Vita a Colori chapter 4 . 8/24/2009
Oh my god, have I told you lately that your stories are my favorite? Beautifully written and very rich diction and storyline. Oh, poor L. Haha ;D
| aria.magnolia chapter 2 . 8/23/2009
Yes, L, you ARE a masochist with a penchant for making lame jokes that I totally enjoy like "outstripped them all."
Wedy the bubblegum-smacking cameo is awesome, especially since she gets to call L "sugar," which is quite fitting, considering his eating habits. You can say he's made of sugar, which reflects nothing on his personality. I like her somewhat maternal concern for our budding music critic. It's a side of her you don't see in canon, but in this context she totally would act that way.
And now he's basically trying to dress like Light. I wonder if his subconscious is trying to tell him something.
As for dear Light, NOT being homicidal seemed to have done wonders for his mental stability in turn. He's still awesomely bored (that is, him radiating "worship me!" vibes to everything within a ten foot radius while being totally bored himself) and prone to messing with other people's heads for kicks. Highlight of the chapter is definitely when Light saunters onto the stage as some sort of self-proclaimed sex god seducing poor L in multiple tongues. And the petty one-upsmanship. Never forget the petty one-upsmanship.
"Bite me." "How hard?"
Heh. L totally left himself wide open for that one, but then again this is when he first encounters Light's ability to turn everything into an insinuation. I would love to see him do it back to Light before the fic is over. L's a fast learner, after all.
With Light, there's no "accidental" touching. Please molest him some more, dear Light. Unsolicited molestation is the basis of a sound relationship, after all.
"By the way, Lawliet," Raito called after him, "the email address was a fake."
Heh. Such a quotable way to end the chapter.
P.S. I'm glad Light gets to use L's real name in this fic. I'm always rather fond of "Lawliet" and it's totally underused.
| aria.magnolia chapter 1 . 8/23/2009
Gosh, this is lovely. Beautiful. Yummilicious.
If you recognize the screenname, yes, I'm still following Balm and I swear I'll get to reviewing it one of these days. Counterintuitive as it is, summer seemed to have robbed me of time to read fic. Perhaps it's because I have no reason to procrastinate on real work in the summer. But let it be noted that I owe you almost ten (?) chapters of Balm reviews ...
Ahem. On to this fic.
I love the AU characterizations of the boys. This L is the first one I've seen of L-the-detective-that-is-not-number-one. I find L minus the hubris (but still with more than enough ego. Gods, what would the boys be like without their precious egos?) quite a pleasant change. You can see he's very dedicated and professional, but without being THE L he has less of an excuse to BE his job. I'll reserve my comments on Light for the next chapter, since he barely shows up on this one.
So L is 26 in this one, which would make Light 19 unless you changed the ages. Hmm. That surprises me a bit. Light just seemed a bit more mellow (must refrain from pointing out obvious pun) and less JUSTICE!-oriented than being 19 would allow for.
"He needed too much from someone for there to actually be a proper match in existence."
That's what you think, L dear, that's what you think. Of course, being his contrary self, when the right person DOES show up, all he wants (or really, think he wants) is for him to go away, but I'm jumping forward in the story.
"... sacrificed them to this greater purpose."
*snerk* Haven't seen you do humour in a well, Balm being the angst-fest it is. But more to the point, I find L's persistence in pushing (or torturing) himself in the social arena utterly moe. (... When I start finding Light and L moe, it's a sure sign that I've lost to my inner fangirl. Oh well. They are cuddly, in a weird way.) I'm glad to see that dear L is still a masochist. It is a sort of requirement to surviving long-term exposure to Light, who can now add stalker (well, I'm sure he always had the stalker potential, but for plot purposes in canon he more often end up as the stalkee, which he also seems to enjoy greatly. Wait... I'm forgetting Raye Penber and Light's special stalker outfit) and pen-stealer to his long list of epithets.
Gosh, they are both such sophisticated *children* that it's both hilarious and adorable. Urgh... need to stop making the boys too warm and fuzzy... Anyway, having read all four of the available chapters, I think PITCH is just as awesome as Balm and the next three installment of my rambling reviews will appear, uh... sometime. Probably when I get homework to do again.
| shousuke chapter 4 . 8/22/2009
I'm so glad this has been updated and I'm waiting (not so) patiently for the next chapter.
I absoloutely adore your writing style and original ideas. I haven't been reading Death Note fanfiction for long, but I've quickly discovered many plots and characterizations are repeated over and over again, so it's nice to find something that isn't totally unrealistic/untrue to the characters, but original all the same.
I love the way you write Light, and L's quirks and little attempts at social interaction make me smile (though I do sympathise, as my own social skills are sorely lacking despite many failed attempts to conform to the social norm).
I'm curious as to what Light's backstory is, and very interested to see how this story plays out.
You're currently my favourite author on this site, and the only one - other than the lovely kk-twin - that I've seen truly do these characters justice.
| Korikali chapter 4 . 8/21/2009
woohoo! i'm very excited about this story. i love their flirting and banter, it's simply delightful. and Light gets to properly seduce L! no Kira/semi-rape shortcuts for you, Light - work for it, boy, work!
| HealthHazard chapter 4 . 8/21/2009
I love the original characters you've stuck in your stories. It's funny how Graham and Vic both like to get handsy with L.
This Hal character makes Light seem kind of shady as if Light has secret mafia underground connections...or something.
Ahaha. Detain under lock and key. That made me laugh.
The "questionably innocent" gestures that Light keeps throwing out, especially the lighter incident, make my heart all a flutter. The "obviously not innocent" one with the thumb make me cackle in my mind, "Light, you perv!"
Can't wait to see where you're taking this story. Without Kira and the Death Note, what will they fight over? The lighter?
All is good. The progression, characterization, dialogue, internal monologue. All very good. You handle humor well and still maintain those underlying psychological and personality dissections with care.
Can't wait for your Death Note updates!
| Orialle chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
I really love the way you write Light, how you make him act.
He teased poor L a little too much this time and got caught in his own trap of beguilement. I hope they meet again soon and have a passionate making out session :D :D But of course that's just my dirty mind speaking :P
I'm looking forward to what you have in store for us.
P.S. Sorry if my review sounds stupid, but I'm dying of sleep right now so... Anyway, you're still great and so is your story :D
| Sixteen clumsy and shy chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
Holy shitness, this chapter was GREAT. I love your writing style, and the way you characterize Raito and L, it's just...AWESOME! I can't wait for more, so update soon!
| IsobelAnis chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
No! Stupid Light and his stupid over-analyzing tendencies! No! L! No! You ruined it, Light! Make it right! Now! ...That's about all that's going around in my head right now.. Please update soon? *puppy eyes of doom*
| yellowrose87 chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
:D :D :D
Oh man, I love your style of slash - that goes for ABfSF too. You do the erotic stuff oh-so-well! I love both LxLight and LightxL, but in all honesty I prefer L as the uke. And you're so damn good at it!
Poor L, though. Hopefully Raito will track him down next chapter...and entertain us all some more... :D
| FeraNelia chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
I'm seriously starting to think you are my favourite author. Your stories are perfect, so deep and full of emotions, and your writing style is close to perfection.
I like the way you write Light and L; they're not just characters from some anime, they're really multidimensional persons with their own inner worlds. They have absolutely perfect personalities, they're really In character and I care what happens to them. I simply love it how you write about L's thoughts and how he feels. It's perfect, really. And I love Light in this; he's just the way I like him.
The plot is also really amazing; it's something that leaves me with a need for more.
I really can't wait for the next chap. But I will. Because I know it's another piece of art.