|Reviews for PITCH|
| aria.magnolia chapter 2 . 8/23/2009
Yes, L, you ARE a masochist with a penchant for making lame jokes that I totally enjoy like "outstripped them all."
Wedy the bubblegum-smacking cameo is awesome, especially since she gets to call L "sugar," which is quite fitting, considering his eating habits. You can say he's made of sugar, which reflects nothing on his personality. I like her somewhat maternal concern for our budding music critic. It's a side of her you don't see in canon, but in this context she totally would act that way.
And now he's basically trying to dress like Light. I wonder if his subconscious is trying to tell him something.
As for dear Light, NOT being homicidal seemed to have done wonders for his mental stability in turn. He's still awesomely bored (that is, him radiating "worship me!" vibes to everything within a ten foot radius while being totally bored himself) and prone to messing with other people's heads for kicks. Highlight of the chapter is definitely when Light saunters onto the stage as some sort of self-proclaimed sex god seducing poor L in multiple tongues. And the petty one-upsmanship. Never forget the petty one-upsmanship.
"Bite me." "How hard?"
Heh. L totally left himself wide open for that one, but then again this is when he first encounters Light's ability to turn everything into an insinuation. I would love to see him do it back to Light before the fic is over. L's a fast learner, after all.
With Light, there's no "accidental" touching. Please molest him some more, dear Light. Unsolicited molestation is the basis of a sound relationship, after all.
"By the way, Lawliet," Raito called after him, "the email address was a fake."
Heh. Such a quotable way to end the chapter.
P.S. I'm glad Light gets to use L's real name in this fic. I'm always rather fond of "Lawliet" and it's totally underused.
| aria.magnolia chapter 1 . 8/23/2009
Gosh, this is lovely. Beautiful. Yummilicious.
If you recognize the screenname, yes, I'm still following Balm and I swear I'll get to reviewing it one of these days. Counterintuitive as it is, summer seemed to have robbed me of time to read fic. Perhaps it's because I have no reason to procrastinate on real work in the summer. But let it be noted that I owe you almost ten (?) chapters of Balm reviews ...
Ahem. On to this fic.
I love the AU characterizations of the boys. This L is the first one I've seen of L-the-detective-that-is-not-number-one. I find L minus the hubris (but still with more than enough ego. Gods, what would the boys be like without their precious egos?) quite a pleasant change. You can see he's very dedicated and professional, but without being THE L he has less of an excuse to BE his job. I'll reserve my comments on Light for the next chapter, since he barely shows up on this one.
So L is 26 in this one, which would make Light 19 unless you changed the ages. Hmm. That surprises me a bit. Light just seemed a bit more mellow (must refrain from pointing out obvious pun) and less JUSTICE!-oriented than being 19 would allow for.
"He needed too much from someone for there to actually be a proper match in existence."
That's what you think, L dear, that's what you think. Of course, being his contrary self, when the right person DOES show up, all he wants (or really, think he wants) is for him to go away, but I'm jumping forward in the story.
"... sacrificed them to this greater purpose."
*snerk* Haven't seen you do humour in a well, Balm being the angst-fest it is. But more to the point, I find L's persistence in pushing (or torturing) himself in the social arena utterly moe. (... When I start finding Light and L moe, it's a sure sign that I've lost to my inner fangirl. Oh well. They are cuddly, in a weird way.) I'm glad to see that dear L is still a masochist. It is a sort of requirement to surviving long-term exposure to Light, who can now add stalker (well, I'm sure he always had the stalker potential, but for plot purposes in canon he more often end up as the stalkee, which he also seems to enjoy greatly. Wait... I'm forgetting Raye Penber and Light's special stalker outfit) and pen-stealer to his long list of epithets.
Gosh, they are both such sophisticated *children* that it's both hilarious and adorable. Urgh... need to stop making the boys too warm and fuzzy... Anyway, having read all four of the available chapters, I think PITCH is just as awesome as Balm and the next three installment of my rambling reviews will appear, uh... sometime. Probably when I get homework to do again.
| shousuke chapter 4 . 8/22/2009
I'm so glad this has been updated and I'm waiting (not so) patiently for the next chapter.
I absoloutely adore your writing style and original ideas. I haven't been reading Death Note fanfiction for long, but I've quickly discovered many plots and characterizations are repeated over and over again, so it's nice to find something that isn't totally unrealistic/untrue to the characters, but original all the same.
I love the way you write Light, and L's quirks and little attempts at social interaction make me smile (though I do sympathise, as my own social skills are sorely lacking despite many failed attempts to conform to the social norm).
I'm curious as to what Light's backstory is, and very interested to see how this story plays out.
You're currently my favourite author on this site, and the only one - other than the lovely kk-twin - that I've seen truly do these characters justice.
| Korikali chapter 4 . 8/21/2009
woohoo! i'm very excited about this story. i love their flirting and banter, it's simply delightful. and Light gets to properly seduce L! no Kira/semi-rape shortcuts for you, Light - work for it, boy, work!
| HealthHazard chapter 4 . 8/21/2009
I love the original characters you've stuck in your stories. It's funny how Graham and Vic both like to get handsy with L.
This Hal character makes Light seem kind of shady as if Light has secret mafia underground connections...or something.
Ahaha. Detain under lock and key. That made me laugh.
The "questionably innocent" gestures that Light keeps throwing out, especially the lighter incident, make my heart all a flutter. The "obviously not innocent" one with the thumb make me cackle in my mind, "Light, you perv!"
Can't wait to see where you're taking this story. Without Kira and the Death Note, what will they fight over? The lighter?
All is good. The progression, characterization, dialogue, internal monologue. All very good. You handle humor well and still maintain those underlying psychological and personality dissections with care.
Can't wait for your Death Note updates!
| Orialle chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
I really love the way you write Light, how you make him act.
He teased poor L a little too much this time and got caught in his own trap of beguilement. I hope they meet again soon and have a passionate making out session :D :D But of course that's just my dirty mind speaking :P
I'm looking forward to what you have in store for us.
P.S. Sorry if my review sounds stupid, but I'm dying of sleep right now so... Anyway, you're still great and so is your story :D
| Sixteen clumsy and shy chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
Holy shitness, this chapter was GREAT. I love your writing style, and the way you characterize Raito and L, it's just...AWESOME! I can't wait for more, so update soon!
| IsobelAnis chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
No! Stupid Light and his stupid over-analyzing tendencies! No! L! No! You ruined it, Light! Make it right! Now! ...That's about all that's going around in my head right now.. Please update soon? *puppy eyes of doom*
| yellowrose87 chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
:D :D :D
Oh man, I love your style of slash - that goes for ABfSF too. You do the erotic stuff oh-so-well! I love both LxLight and LightxL, but in all honesty I prefer L as the uke. And you're so damn good at it!
Poor L, though. Hopefully Raito will track him down next chapter...and entertain us all some more... :D
| FeraNelia chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
I'm seriously starting to think you are my favourite author. Your stories are perfect, so deep and full of emotions, and your writing style is close to perfection.
I like the way you write Light and L; they're not just characters from some anime, they're really multidimensional persons with their own inner worlds. They have absolutely perfect personalities, they're really In character and I care what happens to them. I simply love it how you write about L's thoughts and how he feels. It's perfect, really. And I love Light in this; he's just the way I like him.
The plot is also really amazing; it's something that leaves me with a need for more.
I really can't wait for the next chap. But I will. Because I know it's another piece of art.
| dancing-in-desert chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
Aw - within only 4 chapters this story became my
!favourite! RaitoxL story. I love how the lust and dare I say romance unwinds so slowly, it makes me wanting more and more!;D
so please update quickly so i can enjoy more of your great writing skills and beautiful stry! 3
| anony chapter 2 . 8/20/2009
i agree, several languages is fun! keep up the good work _
| Valerie Hebert chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
Urg... L, the fleeing bird vs Raito the cat. Quite like Tweety and Silvester... without all the... well, quite a few thing but I guess you could still see what I mean.
L, my dear, stop putting yourself like the perfect rape victim when you are obliviously with some kind of flirtatious sociopath -_-' ! ...Who have an interesting family name spelled backwards, all in your home language.
| deathnoteno1fan-codegeasslover chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
DAMN!you up-dated fast!HALALOYAY!That woman Vic was VERY forword.L was !when she lifted his ! Raito over though the kiss he should have acted like it meent something but real it would have ended badly !L!
Why didn't aito follow him?he should have but whatever. Can't wait till the next chapter!
| Rin5o chapter 4 . 8/19/2009
Love this story! Please update soon!