|Reviews for Runaway|
| Guest chapter 21 . 7/30/2013
I wanna sequel you are a talented writer please make a sequel I loved this story and I hate it when there is no sequel in games stories and movies please make a sequel. Love the story !
| Guest chapter 12 . 7/28/2013
How could train kill ahsokas perants wen he is 18 and she is 16 so you are saying a 2 year old killed ahsokas parents ? You may want to re write that chapter 12
| Guest chapter 12 . 7/28/2013
Chapter 12 didn't fit with ahsokas personality or determination she would have tried to escape capture and she is also friendly communicating with this bounty hunter and with her past with cad bane ... Just saying
| Snips chapter 20 . 4/16/2013
Well done! Honestly, you did a great job! Keep it up, with a good imagination you can write plenty more enjoyable stories...
The story was overall impressive and each chapter became better and better as you continued to write and gain more experience - really take on the feel of the story... A wonderful effort, though there are a few spelling and grammar mistakes. But hey, it was still a good read!
Though the story was great and the ideas were creative and fantastic, there are still a few points to be considered...
To name the bigger ones to start with:
Firstly, the all contradicting point of complicated love. Ahsoka is a Jedi, and it is against the Jedi code to form attachments - much less fall in love and get married! Even if her crush on Anakin was huge, a Padawan never in their wildest dreams would even think of admitting so to their Master...
Secondly, Anakin, Ahsoka and Padme are rather indecisive and impulsive when it comes to love and marriage. One minute Anakin is making out with Padme, and the next he's with Ahsoka! I mean, Anakin proposes to Ahsoka even though he's still married to Padme - and on top of that, Padme is pregnant with his kids! Anakin's therefore just a creep, and Ahsoka and Padme would be better off to stay away from him, and Padme seems a little too submissive and willing to give up Anakin so he can be with Ahsoka, which is kind of a weird reaction from a wife with a two-timer husband! And what's also a bit weird is that no one else seems fazed by the fact that Anakin is already married, they just seem to pass it off... But anyway, moving on...
Another issue is in the 'Way of the Jedi.'
It is tradition that all Jedi are cremated when they die, so it would be a little difficult to hold Ahsoka's funeral without actually having her there physically...
And when Ahsoka shows up at her funeral the Jedi Council don't seem to be affected by her and Anakin's public love statement, which is unusual. Of course that's why Anakin and Padme kept their love a secret in the first place, right? Only later do Yoda and Windu start asking questions, and even then they don't seem to be overly bothered by the whole thing. Really, as Jedi, Anakin and Ahsoka would be expelled from the Jedi Order, and Padme probably fired for going against the Council and the Jedi traditions...
Now just for a few smaller points:
For instance, at first Niko is telling Ahsoka that she should return to the Temple - that she shouldn't let go of her role as Jedi. But then just before she leaves, Niko gets upset at Ahsoka for leaving him! It was just a little confusing, that's all...
And another thing, when Niko found Ahsoka and brought her back to his home, how is it that he didn't see her lightsaber, which every Jedi carries with them at all times? Ahsoka's lightsaber would have been a clear sign as to who she was, and its not like she could have hidden it as she was passed out when he found her...
And just one more point, apparently the bounty hunter Tarin is the one who killed Ahsoka's parents, but how is that possible if he is only a couple of years older than Ahsoka himself? Ahsoka was young when her parents were killed, so Tarin would have been a real little kid too; definitely incapable of killing Ahsoka's parents, who apparently had a high position in their tribe (at least Ahsoka's father did, anyway) so it wouldn't have been easy to get to them...
But anyway, these are just a few observations I made which I thought you might find useful. I know from experience that having other people criticise your writing is really helpful as it helps you understand it better and refine the story even more... So I don't mean to be cruelly judgemental, I only intend to help out.
But the story was still really good. There were a few points in their that were rather impressive, and a few very good lines too. The story definitely improved as the chapters went on, and I really like the last chapter, especially the very few lines at the end... It shows that you gained experience and insight into your story.
But yes, it was a fantastic story - and you did very well considering all the interruptions and obstacles concerning school and other events that you mentioned. So well done, good luck with your writing, and most importantly; have fun and be creative! The imagination is a wonderful gift, so make the most of it! :)
| greenday62.5 chapter 1 . 10/30/2011
Such a good story! I was sad that Ahsoka's and Anakin's marriage didn't work out! They would be so happy together! Well anyway I think that you put a lot of effort and thinking into this and that counts for something. You keep writting stories like this and a lot of people will say some similar things( hopefully they say positive stuff otherwise you can punch their brains out). So keep writting and if you will make anymore star wars stories I will gladly read them. You Go Girl!
| mayte chapter 21 . 8/17/2011
hey! what happen? i've already discover this story and i really want to read the sequel!
| hannah chapter 4 . 4/6/2011
| lady gaga chapter 20 . 11/22/2010
| AhsokaTano4Life chapter 7 . 10/28/2010
OMGOMGOMG! LOVING IT! I can't wait to see what happens between Ahsoka and Niko.
| lady gaga chapter 20 . 8/18/2010
nice job with runaway
| lady gaga chapter 11 . 8/18/2010
| LinaD chapter 21 . 8/17/2010
omg. that was the most awesome story ever O_O you need to continue it some how please! xDDD i love the whole ahsoka 3 niko thing :) if possible, can you make anakin be in love with ahsoka at all? that would be so amazing :) since hes gonna come back to life as darth vador, you might as well add a twist :D haha well, anyway, you are a talented writer and i love it so far :)
| Zedax chapter 21 . 8/7/2010
Hi, and sorry I hate stories when the child of my fav character take over
I'm sorry I thinks it's because I'm a afarid of babies
really sorry dude really am!
| newfoundspartan chapter 21 . 7/25/2010
Nice story liked the ending. You said you needed ideas for a sequel I have some you may like PM me if you're interested.
| My Review Account chapter 20 . 7/17/2010
So glad I checked the last chapter before reading. Not exactly how I was hoping it would go...