Reviews for Phoenix Marching Band
singintoyourself chapter 3 . 6/26/2009
This was a good filler type chapter. I wish there was more about the agrument, it would have definatly helped with how Ally's home life typically is. Otherwise, I enjoyed it. Good work!
Tory Must Write chapter 2 . 6/25/2009
I really enjoyed your story so far. Maybe it's because I can identify with her slightly, just being a female percussionist. The only critique I have is that you might want to use contractions in dialouge. To me at least, when I'm reading it, the absense of contractions detracts my attention from the actual dialouge. It would make the speaking parts flow a little more naturally, I think.
singintoyourself chapter 2 . 6/23/2009
Ah, much better! I understand now where you're coming from. Hopefully we'll see more with Don and Ally later, and I could totally see Sean and Ally together. I do like where you're heading. You can make up a lot of great drama with all the flack the other boys give her. I don't know if you've read anything I've written, but if you want to borrow them in a competition scene, go right on ahead! My girls are always willing to make a cameo )
singintoyourself chapter 1 . 6/23/2009
I liked your start. There's a lot of tension in this line; and they obviously don't like to change! Hopefully your story and your character can change it! It seemed a little choppy towards the end with the drum battle, and it was a little unexpected. Does she know him already? I'm sure you'll answer these questions in the next chapters. I hope you continue!