|Reviews for Harsh Light of Day, My way|
| kt chapter 11 . 12/11/2004
good but a bit confusing in the last chap
| Macotee chapter 11 . 10/31/2003
wow... great story. I loved it! I never seen anyone use another languege in there story, bery original. Bravo.
| Loveonawirex chapter 11 . 4/17/2003
That was great! Write a sequel! PLEASE! Bye,
| fashiongrrl chapter 11 . 4/14/2003
Great story, you totally had me fooled with the ending! Poor Dia :( but what about Merde? You have some really funny dialouge in here, and I think my fav line was where you wrote "It was offical, Spike was the first vampire to have a heart attack." in chapter 9, that was SO FUNNY! Neat premise for a story, though I don't get how Buffy fell in love w/ Spike so fast considering they were enemies. But yay, they got Parker back! Stupid idiot Parker! And hooray for spuffyness! And yay for the line where you wrote that Giles would have hurt Parker himself if Spike and Buffy didn't. Excellent work, very entertaining!
Okay and just a few corrections for you. Lo siento, pero necesito hacer esto... I think some of your Spanish is off. Mind you I haven't taken a class in nearly 5 years, but I don't think some of it is quite right. Unless you're a native speaker and I've just forgotten all my Spanish or unless you actually went to someone who knew Spanish and they helped you with this. In that case, lo siento! I don't mean to offend, I just am trying to be helpful, so please please please don't think I'm trying to be mean or something by correcting your grammar. And if any of my corrections are wrong, I'm very sorry about that too. (Lo siento I'm sorry - for those of you who don't know Spanish.)
In Chap 3 you write "No preocupe mi pantera" and I think the correction should be "No SE preocupe mi pantera" to let the sentence flow better grammatically (I've put the corrections in capital letters so you can find them).
Also in Chap 3: You cannot say "nadie hace el lio con nosotros..." because literally you are saying "no one will do a mess with us" but you are
trying to say "no one will mess with us." There is no Spanish equivalent for the English slang term/verb "to mess with." You might want to try using the verbs "to fight with" or "to bother us" instead. I would suggest using "pelear" (to fight) or "molestar" (to bother)
in this case. The word "lio" is a noun literally meaning "a mess" as in "a messy room" and cannot be used in this context.
So as a correction I'd suggest: "Nadie van a MOLESTAR (_or_ PELEAR CON) nosotros entonces."
Next in Chapter 8, originally you write "Mi diosa esta es el climax de su vieja vida. Solamente una mas batalla despues de esto."
I'd use the correction: "Mi diosa, ESTE es el climax de su vida VIEJA" because remember - adjectives after nouns in Spanish and use este b/c you're describing el climax - a masculine word!
Next line, "Solamente un batalla MAS despues de ESTA." (Make sure you match este/esta/esto's endings with the word you are describing, por ejemplo, "batalla" is feminine so you must use "esta." And I think again like the adjectives going after nouns, in this case the word "mas" should go after "batalla.")
After this you write: "No mas de dolor de esta vieja vida, no estamos ya en el nuevo. Han perdido va, nosotros son juntos.
Ahora sigue el camino del viejo. Lo seguiremos hasta que se acaba este curso."
My correction: "No tenemos mas del dolor de esta vida VIEJA, YA estamos en LA NEUVA" (- feminine b/c you are using this to describe "vida" a
feminine word, ie, you're saying "la neuva vida" not "el nuevo vida").
Next... "Ellos YA han perdido, nosotros son juntos. Ahora mismo seguimos el camino de LA VIEJA (vida). Lo seguiremos hasta que se ACABAMOS este curso." (- ahora mismo right now, ahora now) And also use "acabamos" because you are talking about "we" by using "seguiremos" so you must use the "-amos" form of the verb "acabar" (to finish) in order to make the sentence make sense.
Finally, in Chap 11, you write: "Adios Dia, nina de Elita. Tu tenies mis buano amiga siempre."
I would say: "Adios Dia, nina de Elita. Tu siempre FUE mi amiga buena." Why? Because "tener" is a verb meaning to "posses" literally, the verb "ser" and
all its variants - past tense, present tense, mean "to be" or "is" or "have been/had been/has been" so you cannot use
"tener/tu tienes" in this context and instead must use "ser" and in past tense, you probably know it's "yo fue" for the present tense "yo soy." And remember, it's "amiga buena" because adjectives go after nouns.
I hope all this is right. I'm going on memory here. And like I said, please don't be upset that I corrected your Spanish. I was very impressed by the use of a foreign language in your story! Really added a lot of character!
Great work! :D
| Hanna chapter 11 . 4/13/2003
This was a great story! The ending was confusing at first, but everything was explained perfectly in the end! Wonderful job!
| Ciara chapter 11 . 4/13/2003
Glad to see Buffy didn't die. I was kinda worried about that. Fitting ending. :)
| Loveonawirex chapter 1 . 4/13/2003
What a good chapter!I love this story!Oh,by the way, here ySURE HOPE THIS LITTLE GUY DOESN'T RUN OUT OF BREATH BEFORE HE GETS TO YOU!1
Send it back, you'll see why
A Box of gold
With a secret inside
that has never
This box is priceless
but as I see
The treasure inside is
precious to me
Today I share this
treasure with thee
It's the treasure of
If this comes back to you
then you'll have a friend
for life but, if this
becomes deleted, you are
not a friend.
Send this to everyone you
consider a friend!
This is a magic frog.
It will grant you one wish and only one wish,
that is, if you decide to send this to others. You can wish for anything.
Repeat your wish until you have stopped scrolling.
Make it count!
FOR YOUR WISH TO COME TRUE YOU HAVE TO SEND IT
3 PEOPLE - YOUR WISH WILL COME TRUE EVENTUALLY
5 PEOPLE - YOUR WISH WILL COME TRUE IN 3 MONTHS
10 PEOPLE - YOUR WISH WILL COME TRUE IN 5 WEEKS
15 PEOPLE - YOUR WISH WILL COME TRUE IN 1 WEEK
CAN'T WAIT A WEEK?
22 PEOPLE - YOUR WISH WILL
COME TRUE IN 1 DAY!
THIS MUST BE SENT OUT THE
DAY YOU READ IT FOR YOUR
WISH TO GET GRANTED.
| Loveonawirex chapter 9 . 4/13/2003
PLEASE HURRY UP WITH THE REAL TENTH CHAPTER!I'm listening to a music thing on my computer(I can download songs)and right as Buffy died, "Don't wanna miss a thing" by Aerosmith came on!Fits doesn't it?Perfect timing, so it comes on, right?Well I'm sittin here with tears in my eyes, that's how much it fits!k,bye.
| Loveonawirex chapter 10 . 4/13/2003
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?HOW COME YOU COULD WRITE THAT UP, BUT NOT THE CHAPTER?Oh well, please do the next chapter!Are you going to bring Buffy back?And why does it say,'enjoy the real chapter'?Are you going to put it up?
| Wish chapter 10 . 4/6/2003
Great story! You should update soon. Was all chap 10 was an AN?
| Morgan chapter 8 . 4/5/2003
Hi! I love your story. You've got to write more soon!
| Jade Stone2 chapter 10 . 3/24/2003
love it with all my green stony heart
| Ciara chapter 10 . 3/18/2003
Oh. Good chapter. Got me on the edge of my seat.
| wolf116 chapter 9 . 3/18/2003
What the? I thought this was a Spuffy fic,how didi Smallville get in the middle of a Buffy fic?
| alberta-sweetie1 chapter 9 . 3/18/2003
What is with chapter 9? It's part of a smallville story, not Buffy. Please fix it.