|Reviews for Scorpion's Disciple|
| Raptor2001 chapter 4 . 6/27/2009
few people join Naruto ...
Shika is very intersting and dont like to lose Naruto but good thing .. shika will effort to beat him
Chouji is not ready but it will strongest bond between friends
Hinata is will to be strong Ninja .. i hope she will lose neverous
i wait for your choice girl for naruto ...
| Condor green chapter 4 . 6/27/2009
I have to say this is really good!
| Akira Stridder chapter 3 . 6/27/2009
woow really interesting..
| Akira Stridder chapter 2 . 6/27/2009
| Akira Stridder chapter 1 . 6/27/2009
| Shatsuka chapter 4 . 6/27/2009
interesting, and well thought out, keep up the good work. I do wonder what will happen in the future with the normal canon based missions, but they may not happen due to what you have done.
| AlQuixote chapter 4 . 6/27/2009
Ah...so i did prove right, hinata was introduced rather well. im glad ur not just 'oh shes cute, lets get her to be his girl' bcuz tt would be irritating. build-ups are essential and this chapter was really good in intro-ing the rest of the eventual rookie nine.
and on hind-sight, (50/50) what are u going to do about sasuke?
danzo - his sneaking root operatives, now would be an ideal time to build up on what that old war hawk would want.
he might even interact with sasori or kabuto.
what about orochimaru?
lots of elements to consider, just telling u abt them, hope im nt sounding overbearing, but gre8 job.
| Backgroundman chapter 3 . 6/27/2009
Now the story seems like it is getting darker. I keep getting suspicious of Sasori and Kabuto, and thinking that they're planting control seals on Naruto's brain or something.
and more grammar poking:
1)The Old Man assigned a pair of ninja to trail Naruto after their talk, probably to make sure that Naruto doesn’t do anything stupid afterwards.
Doesn't should didn't
2)Naruto sighed as he ate his lunch at the sling outside the academy entrance. Hopefully this whole thing will blow over after a month or two.
You probably know this, but swing, and will in the second sentence should be would.
3)As he watched Naruto scamper away, Iruka couldn’t help but feel a little proud for his blonde student. Hopefully his enthusiasm won’t evaporate too quickly.
I'm not actually sure on this one, as the "won't" could be as is if you were speaking as a narrator, but if it is Iruka thinking, then it should be "wouldn't"
4)“How come I never heard of this… puppeteering?”
There are a couple more, but I don't feel like typing them up.
| Backgroundman chapter 2 . 6/27/2009
This is a very good concept. While I'm sure that the original Sasori vs. Orochimaru battle would have been excellent to read, the plot of this story is fine. If the original Naruto is a coming of age story in battle and luck, this is a coming of age story with humanity and character development. Speaking of humanity, I like how Sasori is the one teaching that to Naruto. Very ironic once you consider the entire situation. Also, sucker punch at the end of the chapter. I'd guess he figured that if Naruto ever asked and was at risk of discovering it, he'd automatically tell him.
Unfortunately, this work is not perfect, as occasionally your tenses get mixed up when the characters are talking about themselves and what they are doing.
glanced at his shop. No way he’s scrubbing off all that paint. That’s the sort of thing rookie genin were for – he’ll just post a request for a D-rank.
All instances of "he's" should probably be "He'd" or "He would"
(yes, it was last chapter and I haven't noticed any this chapter, but it might hit again. actually mostly in chapter 1.)
| Kurushimi-31415 chapter 4 . 6/27/2009
Nice. ANs can be helpful sometimes.
| Raidentensho chapter 4 . 6/27/2009
This is sweet. at some point naruto might learn the rasengan in only 2 weeks due to the chakra exercises and no kyubi chakra going into his system to learn it effectively, if you let him learn from jaraiya. of course due to his own spy network sasori could accept this as a jump start for his own network to go to better heights, or heighten jaraiya's own unintentionally(but i doubt it.). i also wonder if his wind affinity could be found earlier to make his own puppets deadlier by using chakra conductive metal for the standard melee weapons to enhance the brutality of the basic attack puppets. i also wonder if some will be based on gurren lagann. with some having drills to combat earth users effectively or surprise attacks upon mountainous areas. or they could be used for trap pits. plus naruto wears his signature spiral so why not use puppets that use 'spiral' like weapons. can't wait for more though. ja ne.
| taintedlegacy chapter 4 . 6/27/2009
Man, so glad you updated! Keep up the good work and update soon!
| oblivionknight7 chapter 4 . 6/27/2009
Like how Naruto pwned Shikamaru!
You make some mistakes with wording but other than that a good chapter.
| Sephiroth the Unrepentant chapter 4 . 6/27/2009
"He never considered the idea that there are drawbacks to being a living kikai colony."
Didn't you say he learned of the clans and bloodlines and their weaknesses in a earlier chapter? This contradicts what you stated earlier.
I hope you have Naruto on a team with Kurenai, Shino and Hinata I would say maybe Shika but Shino or Hinata wouldn't fit well with Ino and Chouji. Chouji and Kiba also wouldn't make good teammates for Naruto.
Also if you do put Naruto on Kurenai's team she would have to teach Naruto genjutsu. I always hate stories where Naruto is on Kurenai's team and yet never learns any genjutsu even though she is the best in Konoha. Why would she not teach what she is best at?
Naruto should be showing some amount of progress. He is training under Anko and Sasori for christ sakes and he isn't even able to beat Kiba? That seems highly unlikely. Naruto was able to beat Kiba in the Chuunin Exams and I believe Kiba
was stronger then and Naruto was drastically weaker.
| Holyriot chapter 4 . 6/27/2009
Great story, love it all.
Just hope this is not a Hinta/Naruto pairing. To many of either Sakura or Hinata with him. Rather have none at all then those two.