|Reviews for Upon the Sundering Sea|
| Guest chapter 9 . 12/5/2014
Please update soon! I love this story
| Annabeth chase101 chapter 9 . 9/27/2013
Oh PLEASE WRITE MORE!
| Annabeth chase101 chapter 6 . 9/26/2013
Very nicely developed plot line. I really like it!
| DaddysCowgirl94 chapter 9 . 1/8/2013
This is interesting; I am impressed with the depth of the Sovereigns in this story ) I can't wait for the next chapter!
| Firefly's Rebirth chapter 9 . 6/28/2012
I see you haven't updated this fic in almost 2 years...ahahaha...oh dear...
Well I certainly hope you plan on doing so cause I'm definitely in love with it. How you've fleshed out the Pevensies etc is absolutely wonderful. I live to read stories like yours, where there is just such depth of character and story. ) Pleasepleaseplease continue!
| vampiredoll88 chapter 9 . 5/31/2012
i hope you continue this story :)
its really good
| Hannah Skipper chapter 9 . 5/8/2012
I miss this story! I check every so often for more and nothing...please finish!
| RenewedBlade chapter 9 . 6/14/2011
I absolutely loved this! Certainly one of the best that I've ever read. Can't wait to read the next chapter. Do update soon!
| BELLA X STARFIRE7745231 chapter 9 . 5/9/2011
It is getting good! R u going to update any time soon?
| Saphira.Flametongue chapter 9 . 4/29/2011
Oh. My. Gosh. This has got to be the best Narnia story I've ever read! Please update soon! :D
| Anna chapter 9 . 4/17/2011
I have now read this story twice, and I can't wait for it too be continued! I love all the stories where Lucy is more than just a little girl.
| dbd823 chapter 9 . 3/7/2011
This is great so far, and I can't wait to find out what happens next. I'll be checking out your other stories, but if you read this review, please know I'll be waiting to see if you Update anytime soon! I have this on story alert, just in case... :)
| ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor chapter 2 . 2/11/2011
Just a litle typo in the third to last paragraph
"...It was not for him to see he cry" he should be 'her'
I am surprised that you wrote "...[the neatly made bunk] was unusual, wasn't it, for a pirate vessel? Pirates had never struck her as the neatest of folk"
This is completely wrong. ALL sailors keep their quarters neat at all times. They have to because the motion of the ship on the sea would cause loss and damage to anything not in it's rightful place. It is helpful to remember that from a pirates point of view they are sailors primarily, and they would not let their blood-thirsty pillaging undermine years of discipline in the small matters like care of their possessions and cleanliness aboard. I can concede that there might be a general shabbiness visible if they had engaged in battle and been long from a safe harbour where repairs could be made but no Captain, least of all a Pirate one would allow his ship to remain in anything but the best condition. They have their pride you know.
*winks and grins*
I like the touches of humanity you have given your villian, like a shared love for the sea, and a heritage of obsequious behaviour (although tainted by his obvious mockery). It seems to me that he is not the true captain of the ship.
I also like Lucy's bold declaration of who she is. It reminds me however that it was Susan who was 'the gentle', not Lucy, so maybe the outrage I commented on in my last review was not so out of character as I implied. It is sort of speculation isn't it as to how they aquired those descriptions. Perhaps one of the purposes of your story is to explain how valour came to be associated with with Queen Lucy.
I do not like the ship burning! Such terrible wastage, like the vandlisation of some priceless art work!
I am filled with trepidation about his devious plans.
| ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor chapter 1 . 2/11/2011
This is a great beginning to a story. The most outstanding bit to me was:
"The Cougar stiffened and turned his head ever so slightly to stare at her. Lucy knew she'd startled him; in the four years since she'd become queen, the four years during which he'd guarded her faithfully, she'd never spoken in such hatred. She'd startled herself, but she couldn't regret it. These pirates had taken her ship without warning or cause, killing those they couldn't subdue. She was angry, and her anger was stabilizing her."
It made me wonder at such a change. She was a person who was characterised by her gentleness, despite the fact that this was not her first instance of war. I think it must be her shock at the injustice of it all: The fact that she is now queen and these people are her responsibility (because they are in her service on a peaceful mission), must add to her pain in the unnecessary loss of life. The previous battles against Jardis, and perhaps some others since the sibling came to the monarchy, have been instigated by the Narnians against aggressors to liberate the unjustly treated. The previous battles had been over freedom and nationalism while this one appears to be driven by cruelty or greed against innocents. I guess there is a sense in which all oppressors are driven by such things, but she has never been present at their initial take-over before.
Your use of vivid words is gratifying to a lexiphile like me:
“They traversed the deck of the Euthymia...” Traversing is such a tedious drawn-out way of crossing an area. It makes the deck feel huge and her crossing of it very tiresome. That word is delightfully appropriate considering the significance of every step and the miles of mental exertion her brain is doing trying to decide if escape is possible, what her crew and passengers might do to be free and who out of her precious shipmates needs to be avenged.
“...the first impression Lucy had of him was power. It hung around him like perfume, cloaking every movement and swathing every word with a layer of raw, calculated command.”
On first analysis, I thought the perfume metaphor out of place and a bit of a mixed metaphor with the ‘wrapping up’ analogy of the following words, but when I thought about it, cheap perfume liberally applied could be described like this. It seems to choke and smother any who come near it. Perhaps an improvement would be an adjective before the ‘perfume’ making the point that this was no pleasant aroma but an overwhelming pungency designed to disguise something offensive.
“Lucy watched her blade as it spun through the air, a curiously detached feeling setting in. She wondered, nonsensically, if it would sink to the very bottom of the sea or be swallowed up by a fish, as happened in the fairy tales. It would be a pity for a fish to swallow it, yet she couldn't stand the thought of Father Christmas's gift rusting away in the dark depths.”
I really like the slowing down of pace in this paragraph. It is exactly what one experiences during times of sudden crisis. Feelings of being curiously detached and wondering about random details nonsensically are also very much part of the stress reaction, and those words force us to experience them with her.
One discrepancy I noticed was her reaction to the size and conditiion of the Pirate ship:
“A moment later, her eyes widened and she bit back a cry of surprise, freezing where she stood. “
I do not feel that this is quite believable. Even if she were a shipwright of many years experience I would not expect her to be so obvious in her surprise. A small frown at the incongruity of it would be more likely, especially considering the occupation of her thoughts on more demanding things and her youth and inexperience (Am I right in assuming she must be no older than 14 at this point in the story?). It is quite probable that the riddle of how such a small, relatively powerless, vessel could overtake and conquer the Narnian ship, would only come to her conscious thought after many hours of imprisonment pondering her troubled thoughts. However her conclusion, about this capture being no unlucky coincidence, is a thought too intriguing to abandon, so I hope you find a way to leave that bit in while correcting the overreaction.
Well done. I will enjoy reading the rest later.
| The Little Blue Fairy chapter 6 . 1/24/2011
This chapter is also very cool,though I didn't really like they way that they swore,I think that in the books the Author did not make them swear because it sort-of makes them sound not so noble or something,maybe thats just my that aside I think it was a great chapter,and I really enjoyed reading !