|Reviews for Being Someone|
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/31/2014
This is brilliant for your first story in English, I'm attempting to learn French at school but I'm still nowhere near good enough to actually write something like this...
Anyway, the more obvious things you could change (keep in mind, I probably won't find all of them):
if something is terribly wrong
Perhaps you could write the section above the story in bold so that people can tell where it begins?
And the rain didn't really help him feel better.
Longingly, he looked back at the house.
Stealing some food from the bin (steel refers to the type of metal)
that he and Dave were twins (not 100% sure about this one, but it sounds better in my opinion)
the size of a small whale
lightly curled dark hair
the expression would be: 'earning his keep'
'They were part of the wealthiest magical nobility' doesn't really make any sense, perhaps you should think about rephrasing that.
'Sweet Dave' is slightly uncomfortable to say. Perhaps 'Perfect little Dave.'
The loud bang of the back door (two words not one)
Okay, so the next few lines sound slightly odd. The way it sounds, James wouldn't care if Harry was sick, he'd send him to work anyway.
So perhaps just leave it at: "Boy, get in here!" James' angry voice reached him from the house. Harry sat up from his secret hiding place near the lake, rushing to his father's side. "You should be thanking me you little freak, I could have left you out here all night."
to the old entrance of the dungeon.
Also, if Harry goes to work regularly, he shouldn't need to be told what time he is leaving - not to mention it's unlikely he has a clock, being in a dungeon and all. Perhaps leave that little bit out.
Without a word he slammed the door, not caring to wait for a response, or for the fact he nearly shoved Harry down the stairs.
At least he had the chance to sleep for a few hours.
known what a paradise it was
If the Potter's chose to, I really don't think Harry would have much of a choice about having his one happiness taken away. I'd leave that out, but if you want to keep it the word would be 'life' not 'live.'
rejected the important things such as traditions,
Dark magic wasn't necessarily bad, it could be used to heal, just as light magic could be used for murder.
a perfect example of light wizards gone bad
It truly was a shame that all the people seemed to believe in bloody Dumbledore, the perfect lord of the light.
Really? There's a bathroom in the dungeons? I know you said it was a paradise of secret tunnels and such, but that really doesn't seem likely. Perhaps there's a secret passageway that takes him to a part of Potter Manor that has a bathroom?
and write to him
It would be his 5th try, but there was no way he was giving up, even if the last 4 owls had never returned.
Now was the time to catch as much sleep as he could before morning.
and tried to preserve as much warmth as he could from within the thin blanket
Elsewhere in Romania - could you put this in bold so we can tell that it's a title?
Tom Riddle stared down at the four letters on his desk. For the past month owls had been trying to get through his wards with little success. They were irritatingly stubborn creatures, but the information they brought was enough to soothe his anger.
He had done some research into the situation, but every article revealed the same facts. There were only 3 living members of the Potter family.
I'm not really understanding what you mean by 'the contents of these letters didn't let him feel better,' perhaps leave this out?
Perhaps he should visit the boy? There were already a few students younger than 11 that had been allowed into the school for personal reasons, and some of their students spent the whole year at school because of family issues or because they were orphans, so he wouldn't be alone.
The boy would have to be enrolled soon though if he wanted to attend, the start of the new school year was fast approaching.
the Potters that they actually had a second son other than the spoiled Dave.
fame-clouded minds and give the papers something to write about. The perfect light family, not as perfect as everyone believed. (I see what you're trying to say, you've just got the words mixed up slightly, this just seems easier to write.)
But for now he needed to prepare
They would pay if they had ever laid a hand on Harry Potter. (Sounds slightly more dramatic, don't you think?)
Woah. That went for way longer than I expected. Anyway, hope this helps :)
| MrdaleksNaLu chapter 8 . 10/19/2014
Hope you update soon! I AM DYING OF THE SUSPICION!
| narustory chapter 8 . 1/31/2014
Please Is possible that the translater or you finish the story ?
Thank in advance
sorry my fault but I m french
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/27/2013
I can see from the other updates that its been a couple of months since your last update. Plz hurry up
| Soul Vrazy chapter 8 . 2/17/2013
When are you going to update it?
| ChaoticArisu13 chapter 8 . 12/19/2012
Will you be continuing this story! I just found it and absolutely fell in love with it!
| Angelfabeth chapter 8 . 12/12/2012
Wow your story is amazing! I love how all the characters are acting, it's perfect for this story :) When will we find out Harry's creature heritage?
Keep up the great work and update soon!
| RainbowInkWell chapter 8 . 11/27/2012
Still working on it? (:
| Shiragiku-chaan chapter 7 . 11/1/2012
| Cherry chapter 8 . 9/12/2012
This is brilliant... i wish you have wrote more!
| YaoiIsMyDrug.23 chapter 8 . 6/26/2012
great so far! ;)
| Gigimagic chapter 8 . 3/15/2012
I crave more!
| little angel of the sea chapter 8 . 1/2/2012
I love the story so far. That's saying something because I usually don't read creature fics. But it's really really good and I know one lousy review isn't enough to restart a story but pretty pretty please update. Its an amazing story and I'd love to see how it ends
| Flying Chrissy chapter 8 . 10/27/2011
Hi hope that ther e is an update soon.
| artsycherry chapter 8 . 8/3/2011
I really like this fic... do you intend to continue it?