Reviews for Adult Arts
Modify the Lifestream chapter 1 . 7/17/2009
oh, what a wonderful, eventfull, interesting time such a dear, young, sweet and innocent little naruto will have. Hahahahahahahahhaha, such a funny story so far, and I feel only just a wee bit sorry for anyone the young naruto asks his questions to.

Don't see any spelling mistakes, the partial lemon/lime was decent, and I look forward to the next chapter, as well as where this story is heading towards in the future.
Bigboi chapter 1 . 7/15/2009
Awesome! your grammar is on par. I love how you have the characters personalities defined. Can't wait till next installment.
Juoppo chapter 1 . 7/15/2009
I'm unsure what to think about this. It needs a lot of polish, that's for sure; maybe you should try getting a beta for it? It's an interesting concept, but I'd have to read more about where you're going with this to make up my mind about it.

Try to alternate between things that you refer to Naruto as. You called him Naruto nine out of ten times, or so, which got a bit repetitive. There's also some recurring errors with grammar and punctuation that take away from the flow.

Things that stuck out and aren't about grammar:

"Opening a textbook, that he mysteriously found in his bag, he looked up the Kanji and started to list them off in his mind."

Naruto should have made some fuss about finding something like this. He's a kid and kids tend to go over the top with things like this, especially when he isn't used to getting shiny, new things.

"He had those nightmares again, a giant fox destroying the city, “Not again, does this have to happen every night?”"

More description is needed here. Naruto obviously woke up to the nightmares, so it would be worth mentioning. Generally, try to steer away from dialogue without description, unless there's a long conversation, where the people involved just mostly talk. And, even then, there should be description involved.

"He continued to run when he heard the sound of bugs, large bugs, with pincers and claws."

How did he identify the bugs by the sound?

"That in itself did not surprise Naruto as many houses in these parts were made to withstand war and Naruto already knew that this was a village created to produce tools and Ninja, though one could argue they were the same thing."

How would a six-year-old know this? It isn't self explanatory at all and shouldn't be left as an off-hand comment. Remember that Naruto is a social outcast, who has only started to learn about things a few years ago.

I, personally, think that the whole run in the forest scene could use revision. The feelings that Naruto is experiencing are lost on the awkward sentences about what he sees. I recommend going for more vague things and let Naruto's imagination do the rest, without him actually knowing what's moving.

"He tried every window on the first level and realized that there was no one in the first floor, which made sense as large families tended to have their bedrooms on the top floors."

Again, how would he know this?

"It seemed she was some kind of neat freak because it was not messy at all, he saw a few rooms when he was going down the steps and noticed a small white puppy sleeping in one of them."

I doubt that Akamaru would have been born yet, at that time. It means that the dog would be at least six years old by the time the canon rolls around, which would mean that it would already be an adult by that time.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter of this. If you need a beta, I'd be willing to help out; I have some experience with being a beta.
albejaibra chapter 1 . 7/13/2009
Good story, keep up the good work!
hey chapter 1 . 7/13/2009
hey, thats not too bad! i like the humor in the story, makes it all the more interesting! waiting for the next chapter, i know it'll be great!
Alucard The Destroyer chapter 1 . 7/12/2009
pretty interesting and unique as well, i look forward to the next chapter
WolfDragonGod chapter 1 . 7/12/2009
i would love to read more please it was a good story..
MysteryLady-Tx chapter 1 . 7/12/2009
Well that is something new...LOL...I really liked it alot and I can't wait to see more of this...Surprise Tsume...

Siriusly Grim chapter 1 . 7/12/2009
Glorious, Fantastic, Terrifyingly Terrific, all of these words don't begin to discribe your genius. I have waited many mounths for a Tsume x Naruto story of these caliber please update. Don't let this story die. I've seen to many great stories die in infancy. This story has the potential to be the greatest naru/milf story ever.
ViralStitch chapter 1 . 7/12/2009
This is awesome. Moar. please?

Anyways, I look forward to seeing how you will develop Naruto, since these are things that a kid normally shouldn't be doing.
Evilsheeplordthatsaysmoo chapter 1 . 7/11/2009

I believe those that do good, if not great, deserve feed back. So i decided to review this finely presented story.

All that needed changing was some editing issues such as misspelled words, words missing letters. but other than that, this story was fantastic.

You chose a character that is not well known, nor is she every portrayed correctly. You took your creative license and performed excellently in the fleshing of her character.

You mix a wonderful amount of adult mindsets as well as educational understand and child like comperhention to make this story a thrilling and enthralling read instead of a read that is used to statisfy ones libido.

I dearly look forward to the continuation of this fine read and wish you the greatest of luck at your stories and future stories.


Mass Writer chapter 1 . 7/11/2009
Dude, this made my day. This is without a doubt, the best Naruto fanfic ever. I was totally amazed by this. There were a few gramer mistakes, but who the hell cares? You're doing a pairing that I love with passion. I hope you update this soon. I can't wait! Oh, and I have a question. It seemed to me that you are planing to pair Naruto up with more than one women, with the whole talk with him and Suzume. So, my question is, are you going to pair Naruto up with more than one Milf/Women?
Selonianth chapter 1 . 7/11/2009
*in the future*

Naruto:Dude Kiba your mom is a fucking MILF!

Kiba:*Angry* I'M GONNA KILL YOU *gets owned*
Perverted Demon chapter 1 . 7/10/2009
Truly a very good story in the making, I do hope that you continue this, I did find SOME, but very few grammer errors, other than that, I'd have to say, keep it up.
Proliferating Procrastination chapter 1 . 7/10/2009
HOlY FUCKING HELL AND ITS NINE LAYERS! I'm jealous! Bastard. Came up with this first! If you don't continue, I'm sure I speak for almost everyone when I say that there will be a mob coming to stab you. Update Update Update. plz. Why August 26? I'm going to cry. Thats so mean of you to write such a good story and wait so long to update. That should be a crime.
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