|Reviews for Alchimie|
| BlueAutumn12 chapter 4 . 2/15
"the yaoi fans" XD
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/11
I quite like your fanfic. The way you fuse the two fandoms is really neat.
However, I would like to make some suggestions regarding your use of the German language. It is nice that you did choose to integrate a different language into your text, it certainly spices things up a bit, but you made some minor mistakes (if they can even be called that).
First of all, the spelling Alchimie is very rarely used. Actually, I have only seen it used once before, in a Wikipedia article about alchemy, and even there it is only mentioned as an alternate spelling. The word Alchemie probably has its origin in the Arabian language, but the Arabian word "al-kimiya" was taken from the Greek "chemeia". (I know I am nitpicking, but the spelling Alchimie is somewhat irritating to read for a German speaker.)
Secondly, in German even adjectives are declined. Every adjective is declined to match with the subject or object it belongs to. That means that you have different adjective endings depending on the Genus (gender), Numerus (number, if its singular or plural) and the Kasus (Fall, "case") of the word.
The word "chemisch" is female, singular and declined to be in the Nominativ (first of the four German cases) in this case. So it would be "Eine grundlegende chemische Transmutation" (A basic chemical transmutation)
The proper spelling ist "Guten Tag" and not "Gutentag".
In German you also use capital latters for the first letter of all nouns. They are never written entirely in lower case. Therefore, the correct spellings would be "Kinder", "Armee", "Ausnahme", "Genie", "Klasse" und "Mittagessen".
"Zu Entschuldigen" ist the infinitive of the word. I assume that you wanted Ed to ask something like "Pardon?", if so then it would be "Entschuldigung?" or "Entschuldige, bitte?" The latter of which is more polite.
The word "Vortäuschung" is also rarely used and never in the way you attempted to employ it. The sentence would actually play out something like "Man brauch mit Stein nichts vorzutäuschen." You would the verb for it. Maybe you could use the word "Tricks" (take a guess what that word means) instead of "Vortäuschungen." Then it would make more sense.
Another thing (don't worry, we are almost done now) is that most people in Germany wouldn't just call someone just brother (talking to a sibling you pretty much always adress that sibling with his or her name), especially not when talking to someone about said brother, without using a possessive pronoun. So you could say "my Bruder" if you want to keep the Denglisch (what a mixture of German and English is jokingly called in Germany) going or "mein Bruder".
The word "Fräulein" (not "frauline") has become very uncommon nowadays. Its often only used in a scolding manner or when complaining about something (e.g. idiocy) or someone. The word has taken on negative connotations. May not be the best thing to call your students.
Similarly, "gnädige Frau" has also become rare, you usually just adress someone as "Frau XXX" or "Herr XXX". Using "Frau" or "Herr" is usually polite or respectful, like calling someone "Mister". Adding "gnädige" would make it even more respectful (unless used as a joke). I somehow can't see Ed being so respectful to authority figures...
There are some other things in latter chapters that aren't orthographically or grammatically correct either.
I hope this was helpful and keep up the good work.
| ichbinnureinnutzer chapter 12 . 1/10
Lovely Story, I like the Ending with the Epiloge. The part where you let Harry get killed and and only revealed in the Epiloge that he was alive was really nice to read.
Your german isn't very good though, no offense, but it's great that you try and make an effort.
| royalvite chapter 5 . 9/24/2016
ahah! moody is here! finalyyy (((;
great chapter as always _ it is 3am and i really want to sleep but I MUST FINISH THIS FIC X
| royalvite chapter 4 . 9/24/2016
i'm going to type in my accent because it matches the story, just for this review. ((:
zis chapter iz veree guud ! i veree much engoyed it. alzo ze accent typink iz veree guud, i appriciate dhe dedication put into dhis part of dhe ztory. xxx
| royalvite chapter 3 . 9/24/2016
finally logged in ! nearly skipped past this chapter without reviewing haha
this was cool! i like how mustang doesn't know english. whenever english people come to the shop my parents own i have to translate because i'm the only one in the family who can speak english, hahah. loved this! xx
| royalvite chapter 2 . 9/24/2016
is england wet? i do not know. germany is rainy but not so much as england is from what i have heard. anyway! great chapter, it was really good. loved it! ((:
| royalvite chapter 1 . 9/24/2016
((actual username but i'm too lazy to log in)) i'' natively german and your interpretation of the accent is incredible ! it's literally how i speak, since my english speaking is no good. i loved this!
| 1 One Piece Fan chapter 1 . 9/23/2016
no no.. im sorry but the whole 'German' Ed thing really annoys me. and i cant stand reading it.
| aliceinundrlnd chapter 1 . 9/21/2016
| ZekiWing chapter 12 . 7/30/2016
I'm mildly disappointed, yet also content. I love the story, but I think we need more of a conclusion. I can guess what Ed did to remove the horcrux from Harry, but it would be cool to know specifics. Did the other wizards ever figure out Ed's specialty? Did Ed's actions impact Harry in any permanent way?
And, with all the focus on Ed's lack of romance (or at least the fangirls going crazy), how come there is no definite romantic interest? I thought it was Winry until the comment about her and Al. But poor Ed, he has no love life, sad.
| ElizabethBathog chapter 12 . 6/9/2016
Thank you for writing this! I really enjoyed reading it! :)
| SoulMore chapter 12 . 4/17/2016
| ayleid chapter 5 . 3/31/2016
I am a bit concerned as to how Ed practices information control. Not getting his story straight and dropping hints is often done in fiction, but it can only serve two practical purposes:
-establish a back-and-forth based on the assumption that the character will learn as much as he lets on from his interlocutor
-obfuscate the real secrets
Here, neither is expected. Ed really should know better at this point. In canon, he sometimes shared his secrets, but it was straightforward. Examples are Rose, who wouldn't be able to use the information anyway, and Tucker, who was expected to know better than spread it around. Otherwise, he is pretty tight-lipped and does not drop hints, especially to people who might figure it out and who he is not sure that they would not be foolish about it.
| 3rdEye chapter 1 . 3/27/2016
I would like this story fat more if you had left out all those german words, and I am german!
I can see how it would make a better atmosphere but it's still not pretty to read.
3rdEye looks apolgetic