Reviews for A Metal Heart
ZekiWing chapter 3 . 7/21/2016
Uhhh... Just because of the time difference, that doesn't mean Ed's age should change. He's lived for 16 years, so he is 16 years old. Even though he might be stuck in the body of a ten year old.
Guest chapter 9 . 5/16/2014
Type your review for this chapter here...
Guest chapter 1 . 4/3/2014
Such a shame you abandoned this, I really liked this one...
Ilikedit chapter 9 . 12/11/2013
Hey, I know this comment is too late for anything but I just wanted to say, you should be more confident in your writing! Yes, this story isn't perfect, but the basic plot was interesting and unique. I would love to see how Ed's life back in Amsteris and his new ninja life mix, if they do. Also, some closure with Al! Well anyways, thanks for writing this. It was enjoyable:)
yaoiprincess101 chapter 3 . 8/28/2013
Poor Ed...
Trying -Helps chapter 3 . 3/29/2013
I like the story, stories with Ed in the Naruto world are always welcomed. I like the way you showed how Ed didn't even know that he was ten, and as always the short fuse he has at being called short is great. You did one thing though that I found to be especially nice, you used memories from Edwards past, before the whole Gate thing ever happened, that itself was nice. Keep up the good work!
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Guest chapter 9 . 2/18/2013
Because it's February, I can assume that you mean May of this year and not the year that this chapter was posted, because you never actually specified a year.

Now, this was admittedly choppy at parts, but is better than a lot of junk I've seen n this site (sadly). Now, the character development is good, especially in terms with Hinata and Neji. Neji is, as you said, a relatively flat character, but instead, what you've done is move behind the mask and set us, the readers, in his eyes at points so we can see what he feels about everything around him: his wants, his needs, his thoughts and feelings to what happens. And Hinata is definitely just not some timid little girl who can't stand up for herself for nothing; everyone has their breaking points, and Ed was just unlucky enough to be on the receiving end of it.

Now for some things that were definitely left unsaid, not quite loose ties, but things that could have been better. The entire Gate scene could have been better executed and explained. A gate is, by its very nature, two-way. There is no reason Ed shouldn't have been able to open the Gate, unless it had locks on it, as did the Gate in our world in the 2003 anime. And creating a small replica isn't necessarily a good make-up prize either, since the Gate appears differently to everyone. Plus, no one asked about Ed's alchemy. Little kid or not, I'm certain that SOMEONE would have attempted an interrogation or apprehended him. I mean, the village trains kids to be ninjas. I don't think it's a huge step from training kids to be killers to taking down some ten year-old who can easily be seen as a potential threat to the village's safety. Considering the fact that Ed did punch a hole in someone's wall, it would be, to a point, warranted. Lastly, where are the other characters? You skipped the Chunin exams entirely; I'm sure Gaara would have gotten some kind of kick at seeing Ed flip out on someone. But the other characters from Konaha seem to have mysteriously disappeared without a trace; were they all killed, or is every notable civilian and ninja besides those introduced here on some S-ranked mission that requires a thriving city population in order to be successful?

Alright, I hope that was good enough. If you don't like that, then at least consider re-reading what you have already written and edit it. Even if it's not going to be continued, at least edit it so you can show what progress you've made between then and now, and that even what looks irreparable still has some hope left. That's what alchemy's about, right? Doing the impossible.
Rain of the Forest chapter 9 . 9/23/2012
AAAAAAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! I FIND THAT EXTREMELY FUNNY! MY SIDES ARE ACHING!
Rain of the Forest chapter 8 . 9/23/2012
Okay, you didn't have Ed COMPLETELY disappear...
Rain of the Forest chapter 7 . 9/23/2012
Okay... WHY DID YOU MAKE HINATA BLOW! SHE DOESN'T DO THAT!
Rain of the Forest chapter 6 . 9/23/2012
Grrrr. Die you!
Rain of the Forest chapter 5 . 9/23/2012
Whoa wait WHAT! They are NOT the only members left! There's a whole bunch!
Rain of the Forest chapter 4 . 9/23/2012
Um Hiashi, whatever you do, don't ask.
Rain of the Forest chapter 3 . 9/22/2012
Awww geez, at least Ed should be able to control his temper better since his size matches his height...
Rain of the Forest chapter 2 . 9/22/2012
Um, I would of though that Ed would of made something up...
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