|Reviews for Heir to Darkness|
| Infinity Edge chapter 61 . 5/27/2013
This is by far, the best KH-related fix I've ever read. I'm so glad I took the time to read it
| gust chapter 35 . 4/5/2013
this story has in its grips and I'm not letting it go! I L.O.V.E. IT!
| Aeonaxx chapter 52 . 2/25/2013
ONE thing to say... AWESOME! ]
| SloweyJoey chapter 1 . 2/21/2013
It's time for another round of sohadow-swordsman's Evaluation Time!
Your grammar and punctuation is okay in the beginning, and it just keeps getting worst from there. There's a lot of typos and misused words. However, you do get better as the story reached the end, so your writing is all right overall.
How about characters? We all know that the Kingdom Hearts and FMA series has COUNTLESS of characters in it, so naturally you've included a lot...which, honestly, isn't a good thing. Don't get me wrong, when you do focus on one character, you get their personality just right. But there's just really no need for so many characters especially when they don't get much screen time. There are instances when a lot of non-main characters die through out the story, but...because they weren't really in the story that much to begin with, we can't really feel sad towards them. Just indifferent. Take Bishop and Tifa for example, if they were the center focus, we might actually feel something, but...it's just a pointless death. Some characters just really have no place here like Lightning or Red XIII. I mean, we know that Lightning wants to save her sister, you give Red XIII a place in the plot, but they both serve very little to the plot. And that's case for a lot of characters, really.
Speaking of plot, it's a jumbled mess. There's too many plot holes to count but I'll make a list from what I can remember... How did the Homunculi get to the World that Never Was? Were they the reason Ametris got destroyed? Why was Xemnas brought back? Why were the Homunculi even in league with him? What was the purpose? Why did Xemnas order the Homunculi to kill Lexeaus and Vexen? They didn't really do anything to give Xemnas a reason to get rid of them. And, for that matter, why bring these guys back if he was going to get rid of them anyway? Why were Bishop and Melody on Maleficent's side for a few chapters and then suddenly decide to betray her? Didn't she treat them nicely? Actually, what was their relationship with Maleficent anyway? We never actually see it, so we don't really know why they'd want to betray her. How did Sora and the others travel through portals when sealing keyholes? They weren't able to do that in the game. What's Maleficent's connection to Dante anyway? Did she find Dante or something? How did Dante know so much about Xemnas and the Heir to Darkness? Did Maleficent tell her? How did Dante get into Sloth's body? Was that even possible? How did Snow, Serah, and Lightning even get to the World that Never Was? Why were they there? Why did they need to rescue Serah? Did she stumble into the World that Never Was, was that why? Why was Kimblee in control of Castle Oblivion? What happened to Lexeuas in the story? Yuffie disappears at one point, but you give a valid (if not lazy) explanation for what happened to her. Why did Wrath suddenly join Sora's group? He HATES Edward but now he suddenly wants to help him? Why? What happened to the pilot (Sazh) when he dropped Izumi and the others off? Why put Sazh into the story? Just a random cameo? How did Melody arrive into the World that Never Was to save Kairi? And the BIGGEST plot hole is quite obvious: WHY is the FMA 2003 anime colliding with the manga? It makes absolutely no sense, you're going by two different stories and timelines all together.
...Honestly, guy, there's no excuse for all these unanswered questions. You need to plan a bit more wisely if you want to become a better writer. I'll give your story this though, it does keep you invested. It's always leaves you wanting more, despite it's major flaws.
All in all, this story is bad. But I think it is salvageable. I recommend that you do a rewrite, because I think this story can be good, it has a lot of potential, but it's just not fleshed out well enough. Try a little harder.
And with that, I bid you adieu. Good luck with you're next story.
| vincent the vizard chapter 1 . 2/2/2013
Why no scar man?
| vincent the vizard chapter 61 . 2/2/2013
Epic! Please involve scar and vincent in the sequal. I think would be good because he hates kimblee.
| Random girl chapter 3 . 1/8/2013
When I read the first few sentences, I could tell this was gonna be a good one. The only thing I don't like about this is the grammar, but otherwise, even though I haven't finished reading yet, it's GREAT! Also, congrats for being the most popular among the FMAKH crossovers.
| Alliance Empire chapter 61 . 10/16/2012
When is the sequal and will you be putting father, Jack Sparrow, Armstrong, and others we all know and love.
| archsage328 chapter 61 . 10/2/2012
I know what you mean about the crossovers. While there are certain places that don't have as many stories as I would like, I can't deny that the number of crossovers have risen quite a bit. In fact, there are certain particular crossovers that have so many stories that occasionally the site can't seem to load them successfully.
And yeah, it's been overall a fun ride. And I'm glad that I was able to give you some small ideas or inspire you at times. I know firsthand that it's the little things that can really make a world of difference to a person's drive to write. Maybe one day, you can check out some of my stories and tell me what you think. If they're about series that you're unfamiliar with or aren't interested in, though, then I won't force ya or anything. In the meantime, good luck with everything, and I hope to see more stories from you soon!
| DepartingSorrows chapter 61 . 9/26/2012
Well J, buddy, it's been a pleasure working with you! I remember when I first asked to be this story’s beta – it was my first time being a beta, and you made it a truly enjoyable experience. Heir to Darkness will always have a special little place in my heart (cheesy, I know, but it’s true!). I can honestly say you're an amazing writer with amazing ideas, and you have a serious talent for molding vivid images. That's a skill that even I lack. So, my friend, I look forward to working with you on the sequel! Let's do this! :D
| azure-flame-sky chapter 1 . 9/26/2012
| 28Werewolf chapter 61 . 9/26/2012
Can't wait! And THANKS for the compliment dude!
| The Layman chapter 61 . 9/25/2012
Thanks a frigging ton for the mention, dude! "Honored" doesn't seem to come close to describing my feelings right now.
| archsage328 chapter 60 . 9/25/2012
Glad to see Ed return and interaction between him and Winry. I just can't help but smile for some reason. See ya next time!
| The Layman chapter 60 . 9/24/2012
And so one adventure ends and another begins... Well done sir, I look forward to more.