Reviews for The WhoInaugural
Forestwater chapter 1 . 7/1/2009
This was really sweet. There were a few grammatical errors, and one I'd like to draw your attention to, as it's a common one.

“'My name is Sally.' She whispered to him, as he dipped her low."

I know that what Sally's speaking is a sentence, but you must always put a comma at the end of the dialogue if there's a "(s)he said" after it. So that sentence SHOULD look like this:

"'My name is Sally,' she whispered to him as he dipped her low."

Yeah, that comma between "him" and "as" shouldn't be there.

The only time dialogue ends in a sentence would be when the part after the dialogue is a completely different sentence:

"'My name is Sally.' She smiled at him as he dipped her low."

See?

However, other than that this was very cute. Everyone seemed in-character, and while it could have been fleshed out a little more, I really liked it. My favorite part was the dialogue and interior monologue between the "tick"s. That was awesome.