|Reviews for There'll be some changes made today!|
| Geezworld234 chapter 2 . 9/15/2013
I really enjoyed this! The way you wrote reg and his ignorance to British history was perfect made me laugh! Great stuff! :)
| Guest chapter 2 . 3/10/2012
This is great, thanks :P
| Anglea chapter 1 . 9/15/2011
I've just the first chapter, really enjoyed reading the interactions between the characters, felt as though I was watching it on tv.
| Hamfast Gamgee chapter 1 . 4/27/2011
Hello, mystery reviewer! I don't really like reviewing my own tales this way, a bit bad form but oh well at least I know this isn't a proper review. I did do a little rewrite based a bit on your suggestions I don't know if you saw. Which is properly the last I will do on this particular tale unless there any staggering plotholes left as it is now quite an old one and I am doing other things. But if as you say there weren't that many ships in the Channel at that time then maybe if Hitler knew this he would have been tempted to invade anyway! On the plus front, I was forced to look at websites that had lots of fascinating information about able Seamen in the Royal Navy over the decades, that was interesting to read. But I might write another GNS tale. But it wouldn't be quite the same. I was thinking if someone else had access to the same timetunnel as Gary did, but in this case he has a less pleasant experience. Somehow, but I'm not sure how, this person is forced to go to the Far East. In Singapore or thearabouts. Just before the Japanese invade. So this person doesn't like the prosepect of spending 3 and a half years in a Japanese POW camp eating one bowl of rice a week and has to get out. And somehow does so. But I'm not sure on the details.
Anyway, do you remember Goodnight Sweetheart? I thought I was one of the few people that did, though it was quite popular for a while there in the Nineties. I think it even had two Christmas specials. In fact I am one person that when I think of Nicholas Lyndhurst I think of Gary Sparrow rather than Rodney! Anyway, thank you for your interest, Ham!
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/23/2011
Sorry, I've forgotten my login password, and the e-mail service for that account died during the bust. As I don't often review unless a story does intrigue me and the author seems to have real potential - as you do - there never seemed much point in creating a new account.
No, you're quite right things don't have to be "100% frigging perfect", but even Hollywood does attempt to get some of the more basic and traditionally well-known details correct.
Ignoring the war for the moment, London bobbies were renowned for not carrying pistols. A small insert explaining how Reg came about having one - for example, he somehow still had his father's from World War I, or had earlier confiscated one from a drunken Home Guard member) - would go a long way to close one plot hole. As for Reg being an expert marksman, it's extremely doubtful judging by what we've seen in GNS; yet, when the chips are down, he might be counted on to do something extraordinary and surprise everyone: that one perfect shot.
I don't recall Stan's part in GNS, but if he's your own original character, it wouldn't take too much effort to change up his background slightly. Your plot does need someone who might have been an officer in World War I to get into Portsmouth Harbour. Perhaps make Stan a busker, someone in Variety or ENSA, someone who can play "posh" should the need arise, and bluff his way by pretending to have been an officer, as class distinctions were still very strongly respected.
The major problem with using Portsmouth in 1942 is that England was at war on two oceans. She had to have her naval forces active in the Pacific and around Australia, as well as in the Atlantic (guarding supplies from the US and Canada), the Channel, and the North Sea.
If you want that decisive naval battle in Portsmouth, then you need a legitimate reason for so many men, supplies and ships to be bottled up in one harbour. Off the cuff, suppose rather than originally supplying important history-altering information to the Nazis, Von Bussel poses as a double-agent. He could be first supplying history-altering information to the Allies to lull them into a trap of believing that preparing an invading force for France (or The Netherlands, or whatever Northern European country you'd prefer) in 1942 made more sense than preparing for the Italian campaign of 1943. The Nazi hierarchy would likely be willing to accept some set-backs and the loss of men and equipment if they could expect that it would give them England, and likely further damage the US, which was still rebuilding its own fleet. With men and supplies making ready in Portsmouth, the damage of a Luftwaffe airstrike might be akin to a second Dunkirk, and this time the Nazis wouldn't stop at the Channel.
If you do intend to re-work this fic, which I hope you do as it does have potential, there are quite a few spelling and homonym errors you might want to correct.
| Hamfast Gamgee chapter 2 . 2/7/2011
I don't normally like commenting upon my own tales, but I thought I might reply to this one! You could make yourself known to me, annoymous reviewer I'd like to reply or make corrections. It wouldn't be a bad message, honestly! And as you've gone this far and as you are obviously someone who hasn't written this on a cellphone you might as well!
I might be able to make some corrections. One of the advantages of Fanfic over films, if I was a Hollywood producer I might say, 'Look this is fiction not the Discovery channel it doesn't have to be 100% frigging perfect!' But I'm not and I would like to try to get this right if I can.
Some things I can alter or explain a bit more, but I would like to get some kind of climatic naval battle in a port in the Channel. You say that the channel fleet wouldn't have been bottled up in a harbour like Portsmouth, but I might reply that the US fleet in the Pacific was bottled up in Pearl Harbour and that nearly proved a disaster. Well, it was a diasaster but a more fatal one to America. Might some important British ships have been caught by a surprise air-raid there or in another port, perhaps? Anyway, thank you for a little concrit, I have had another look at this!
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/3/2011
Honestly, I was just looking for the fandom equivalent of junk food - a short story, small fandom, vaguely interesting-sounding premise, and no preconceived notions to rush to judgment of authorial competence should I discover typos, misspellings, or glaring grammar mistakes. Your story was just going to be a quiet, quickly forgotten read; then, on to the next fic.
I may be a nitpicker, but I am willing to overlook a lot. But when you have me questioning your nationality, your knowledge of history, and ability to properly rate your fic in a 13,000 word story, something is definitely wrong.
Your profile lists you as a working adult male living in the UK, and your spelling and punctuation is in most instances British; yet, everything about your fic rings false. The writing style is immature; though, I will give you credit for an interesting premise, and done well, could be very exciting.
Little details, like not knowing that most London bobbies didn't carry pistols during WWII (when your fic is set) only those MPS personnel protecting vital targets were issued arms, and Reg Deadman definitely wouldn't have been one of them. (And why would the alternate reality Reg suddenly be a "Von" Deadman" anyway?)
Your lack of basic historical knowledge gave me a headache. No East Ender would have held the rank of Lieutenant in World War I - especially in the Royal Navy - officers from that time were always from the upper class. And while it's pleasing to see that you included an Indian woman in an authority position at Portsmouth Harbour, it's unlikely that she would have been allowed to "join the Navy under the Raj", held a higher position than her male counterparts, be addressed by her married "Mrs." status as opposed to her rank, or even remained in her position in 1942 because of the rise of Gandhi's movement in her native country.
Yes, you admit in Chapter Two that "I should point out here that this tale is totally made up. I have done no research at all on the whereabouts or tactics of the Royal Navy in 1942 and the battle of Portsmouth as far as I'm aware never happened. Though I suppose it might have done!" This should have been about the time I hit the back button, but I really was trying to figure out if you were an American pretending to be British.
Your Battle of Portsmouth Harbour would have had no equivalent to the bombing of Pearl Harbor in putting most of the Royal Navy out of commission and leaving Britain ripe for Nazi conquest. In 1942, the RNs was in both the Atlantic and Pacific, and the US would have already joined the European war, having had Marines stationed in Iceland since July 1941. While Britain would certainly have been defending the channel, it would have been suicide to have bottled up her fleet in one easy to bomb location roughly sixteen miles from the enemy's coast. I know the US education system fails at teaching much past the sinking of the Lusitania, but I'd think that Dunkirk, the Battle of Britain, D-Day, and maybe V1s and V2s would be common knowledge since it happened on your front porch.
And your rating of your fic "K" when it should be "T". Your sex scene was barely tepid at best, but your fixation on the torture Gary was tp receive from Yvonne - really, mentioning it six freaking times in a two chapter story was over the top.
| bootsmartin chapter 1 . 2/2/2011
hey there, I am a huge fan of goodnight sweetheart and have all the series on dvd. your story was excellent and cant wait to read your continuation. enjoyed it immensely and you have written the story exactly like the shows tv scripts!
well done and keepon writing.
| Magical Mistress Sarai chapter 1 . 11/23/2010
Ok... um, where to begin?
Dialogue will be a good place to start. Your dialogue comes across as a bit wooden. It's stiff in some places and hard to get all the way through in your longer sentences. You also have comma splicing and run-on in some of it as well, take this line:
"'Oh, you can call him Dave, Dave doesn't mind been called by his first name, and what's wrong with him?'"
"Oh, you can [just] call him Dave; he doesn't mind [being] called by his first name... What's wrong with him?"
See how it has a smoother quality to it. Punctuation is very important in your dialogue, because it controls how the sentences sounds and flows off the tongue.
Another thing you want to be aware of is your time period. I noticed you said that it comes from the mid-nineties. Well, I have a hard time believing that OMFG would be in this movie... and if it was, well I guess I'm wrong; however, the tone of your dialogue from the entire chapter tends to have a very sophisticated sound and dialect... and then you throw in OMFG? It throws the reader for a loop.
Just two things you might want to thing about. I would also watch grammar very closely because I'm noticing quite a few comma errors.
| The Lauderdale chapter 1 . 7/5/2010
My review is from the point of view of someone who has not seen the source show on which this is based ("Goodnight Sweetheart") and who hadn't heard about it before beginning your story. Reading the first chapter, I noticed a number of mechanical issues (spelling errors like "prombly" for "promptly," overuse of exclamation points! etc.) There is also a strange approach to the reader at work in your story: on the one hand, there is a fair amount of infodump -
"The year was 1997, Gary was in his late-twenties- early-thirties, very tall, well over 6ft, skinny with rather a hang-dog face and brown hair. His wife was well below him in terms of height had a sort of mousy-blond hair and was the same age."
- and coy reference to the source material:
"In fact there was rather more to Gary than even his wife realized, but that will come later!"
"It was an unusual kind of shop which sold archive material from the forties. How did all this stock come from the forties? Well, through the passage of time. Kind off!"
It seems as if you expect the reader to be unfamiliar with the show, but with your line about the foolish local bobby ("In fact, he was so stupid that he once left the Bar while he was serving to fetch something and told the Kray twins to watch the bar while he was gone") you expect the reader to know who the Kray twins are and why this would be a bad idea.
I think you need to decide who your audience is. One assumes that, since this story is in the "Goodnight Sweetheart" section, it is in a place where readers who are already familiar with the show's premise can find it. But even someone who had ever heard of the show before (me, in this case) can find the "wink wink nudge nudge" approach a little grating. You may want to find a more natural, casual way of imparting exposition and descriptive information. You might also consider retitling this fanfic as the name is simply taken from the show's title. That's like writing a "Lord of the Rings" fanfic and just calling it "Lord of the Rings," rather than giving it a title of its own.
I'd like to thank you for writing this story and submitting it for review because now it has introduced me to the series "Goodnight Sweetheart," which, as I said, I had never heard of before but which sounds like a great premise for a show. I will try to find some way of viewing it, and that will help me to be a better reviewer for your story and others in its show category.
| WiseQueen chapter 2 . 7/26/2009
'I havent seen you for ages' LOL
More relevant than the speaker knows!
So our hero manages to win the battle of Portsmouth (which I think you are right that never took place ;) ) and to return home to his own timeline. Probably good for him, even with all the hitches.
| WiseQueen chapter 1 . 7/1/2009
I don't know the Goodnight Sweetheart series, but stories which muddle with time can be fun!
"'Sorry, I'm just reading this!'
'Oh, the War again, I wish sometimes you would live in this decade!'"
Little does she know ... I wonder what cecomes of her in the Alternate Timeline? I expect we'll see in the next chapters ... and what becomes of Britain as well!