|Reviews for 1 Misplaced Sukima|
| Maverick Mega Man X chapter 1 . 6/12/2014
Hmmmm... Not sure what to say here... The beginning seemed kind of rushed, with Kyo and Ail meeting so many characters in quick succession... On the other hand, I like the idea of Ail's personality suddenly changing like that, as if he were on the verge of going mad with power... Of course, this is just chapter 1, so anything could happen.
| Sonanoka21093 chapter 16 . 7/19/2013
That was lovely. Truly lovely. Sorry, have I read this before? I got an email about it, so I'm unsure as to if I have. It's been... quite some time since last I read 1, so I can't say for certain. On one hand, the Remilia chase seems quite familiar. On the other, well, it said it's a new chapter... Anywho, regardless of that I quite enjoyed the chapter, and shall try and read some more of 3 when I get around to - I swear I will try! I truly 'have' been meaning to continue reading 3, even if I'm not sure where I was. Heck, the other week I finished half a chapter... I may end up just skipping to the end and saying screw it.
| kinigget chapter 9 . 7/26/2012
""Man" said Kyo "who could have though Orin was such a slave-driver."
Reimu says "Yeah. Too bad the yama closed off her restaurant... and in only 5 hours too.""
Nice reference. I love that video.
I would also like to say that you got Patchouli's character pretty much spot-on.
I do hope you toned down the anime tropes a bit in the following stories, they don't work quite as well in text media.
| kinigget chapter 4 . 7/24/2012
a little confusing around the end, and it seems just a bit sloppy, but I suppose re-editing should fix that in time. Still a worthwhile story.
| kinigget chapter 2 . 7/24/2012
Huh. Sakuya and Remilia were rather out of character, even for fanon, but it worked well enough. You've actually managed to have plausible reasons for everything that's happened so far, so kudos there. Overall this looks to be a quality story you've got building here.
| nekokuro13 chapter 16 . 5/18/2012
'Reimu had her meet Patchouli as well, however it ended in terrible dispute over difference logic.' - lol
Bad end, Agava, I rofl'd. Torture her, Rumia, torture her! XD
Ouch, Ail's Mom... Remilia? I thought there's nothing that could make you run away like that! D:
Okay, ahehem. *closes book
So... this book is... There are times where things are awkward or just plain silly, but overall, not bad for a first story. Sometimes the pace is kinda slow, or it sounded like you're trying to jam everything into one chapter, making the read slightly tiring sometimes, but the humour helps me a bit to overlook the flaws. And with practice, I'm sure you can make the story flow easier. One mark of a good story is that one does not tire reading it. But then, this is to be excused, for this is a story written long ago, and I know you have improved very much since then. It's like Eiki punishing Yukari and Yuyuko for something they did 3 years sgo. Ehehen. Ah, and I heard that you grow better with every story, so I can't wait to read the next. And the next. And the next. And the neeeeeeeext and so on.
Despite your OC being overpowered in his first story and all that, I can't deny that I learnt a lot about OCs from Ail. And going to make an OC of my own, it makes me all the more excited to write my own. OCs could be quite fun. Very.
Meriko Fuumi (目利子 二海) desu, douzo onegai shimasu!
| nekokuro13 chapter 15 . 5/7/2012
Lol, Cirno's powers is the best for pwning Agava? XD
The sun is FAKE? It's Imperishable Day, people!
Ah? Great Agava, defeated by Cirno? SHE IS THE STRRONGEST! XD
And good job using the Three Mischievous Fairies as plot device. Given their usually minor part, it was really unexpected. Good job.
Although, it made me wonder... how come the fake dolls were too real? Well, no matter, this is Gensokyo. :P
'"getting robbed by Marisa..."' - rofl.
Ha... kinda weird ending, but amusing nonetheless.
| nekokuro13 chapter 14 . 5/6/2012
Ah, Marisa can't act cold! It's just unlike her. Oh, wait, I think she can, and the effect would be plain creepy.
'He hugs Sanae, which surprised her a lot,' - Ail you opportunist!
'Reimu was about to start crying ' - Ah! Reimu! Your dere side is showing! Aw... that's kinda sweet...
'...the sound of bodies being impaled echoes all over the flowery fields.' - ouch, good job creating suspense.
Ah, good job firing up the development by making Agava even more overpowered as she is. Adds well to the suspense. Ah... Agava, a a name as hideous as the named.
'...but they all pass through her.' - lol, talk about her small hitbox. :P
Ah... the scale of the threat... even erasing Gensokyo's existence? Good! I like that! Let there be mayhem! *evil laugh
(coz I know somehow the good guys will save the day, lol)
Ah... Agava the black hole of abilities... amalgaming one's self using the power to infinitely absorb abilities IS an unfair power. It's like wishing for more wishes.
Ah, Gensokyo united! Classic
'"...total for the treatment... 1 safe Gensokyo."' - lol, good one Eirin.
Yep, slightly overdone, maybe by... 11%? But who said it's a bad thing?
| nekokuro13 chapter 13 . 5/5/2012
'She, then fires...' - no comma after she.
'"you know, you look just like the princess of Entei... ah well."' - Yep, that's why Star's my favourite. XD
'"to bug me!"' - lol, very Reimu-ish. XD
'"miss Mima, I'll miss you"' - lol, Chen. That's really sweet considering Mima used to be a very very very evil spirit! '"the cute little kitty le~ft!"' r.o.f.l'd
'The impact left a small crater,' - ha, no match for Suika's car-sized crater last time!
'Suika rushes to him and tries to uppercut him,...' - ouch, lucky that didn't hit, or heads will roll.
'"to be ale to actually bruise me, and oni, just like that."' - able, not ale. An oni, not and oni.
'"I though it'd be over on the first punch..."' - and then she punched him! The irony!
'However, back at the Moriya shrine,' - I think you should start a new paragraph for this.
'her clothe in tatters' - clothes
'"...you sure are very negative." - lol, when it's Alice saying that, better check on your negativity gauge, Reimu.
Lol, Suwako, you're still a minor, huh? XD
Wow, healing danmaku, that's like, bullets that will heal you!
'Eirin and Keine were lecturing Mokou and Kaguya so fiercely, Ail though for a second he was looking at two SikiEikis.' - lol
Ah, Marisa's house infested. Next time, do some spring cleaning, okay?
'Suddenly, the copy grows a large belly that bounces at he moves around' - you have no idea how I laughed at this. XD Hey, really neat escape Star, that's why you're my favourite. XD Oops, Ail found her. :P
| nekokuro13 chapter 12 . 5/5/2012
Ah, 10% shorter than the last one. :P
"he~y, you two. Get a room!" - it's just some pecking.
"STOP STEALING MY LINES!" - lol, the black ball's getting ignored. :P
'"c-c-can you s-save her?"' - aw, she cares about Reisen...
Lol he's on the moon alright...
'6 moon rabbits with guns chase him around, shooting at random...' - lol
'The moon rabbits all "Aww~" then head back with their heads lowered.' - XD
Well, I'm really absorbing the story... I wonder how will this problem solve itself.
| nekokuro13 chapter 11 . 5/5/2012
Ouch! Longest chapter yet!
Good job on the shadow creature idea.
"reminds me of someone I know." - Ha! Oh, and I can sense Reimu starting to think more and more about Ail.
'Reimu gasps and looks up at the sky, and there she saw the "help" signal,' - ouch, took her twenty minutes to notice.
'"HEY, I thought you said Ail was funny when he got angry... I'm not laughing!" Kyo shouts back "it was funny when he was playing video games!"' - haha. Touhou is a computer game.
"you really challenged Reimu? HAHAHAHAHA! Talk about living dangerously. Ahh, but don't worry, I know just how that feels." :P
Ah, shadow hurts shadow, eh?
'"hey, didn't they say that just now in the narration?"' - good job with the 4th wall there. XD
'"Youhou, where you played as either a crazy blond shrine maiden, who was the main character, or her genius scholar friend that would fly using a small rocket, and they would battle all these crazy characters, all with amazing abilities. They lived in a place called Ginpokyo, where all sorts of beings lived together in harmony."' - rofl. 4th wall poked at again! You'll see me poking at the 4th wall in chapter 19. :)
'"...but I could still drown."' - hm, shouldn't she try freezing water around, make a boat or something?
Well, sorry to break it to you, but if you're not here, Ail and Kyo, I'm sure WillieG.R. would've thought of something else. He's a nice man. :P
| nekokuro13 chapter 10 . 5/5/2012
Ah, a shorter chapter. A nice change, once in a while.
Ow, Ran's math class again! X3 '"Chen you're so CUTE!"' - lol :3
'"and who says I didn't, heh heh he~!"' - GAH! SCARY!
Aw, poor Maribel and Renko.
I see, it's a shadow being.
| nekokuro13 chapter 9 . 5/5/2012
An even longer chapter... *takes a deep breath.
'"no, no, I tried that once. Youkai meat tastes horrible."' - EEEK! And they even have humanoid bodies!
"Who could have though Orin was such a slave-driver." - ha! That's kitty charm for you! Lol, the yama had a restaurant? 'Cash, or there'll be hell to pay!' XD
'"Eirin, however... was a pain."' - haha, that's an understatement.
Ouch, Koa and Patchy? Then the others? Aw, Flan and Remi. Aw, that's some words, Sakuya! Good job encouraging Flan! Ah, break the 'eye' of the heart? My thought exactly!
'"It'll be fun!"' - Ah... Ail always knows the right switches...
'"I... I told him to stay..."' - ouch, sounds like a typical mourning line.
'"A girl that said 'it's not your time'"' - oh, this sounds intriguing.
'"you two could make a very nice couple."' - ouch.
"never mind." - Ha! Boys are so slow!
Oh the dark crystal... trouble keeps showing up eh? And Ail help us?
Ouch, Suika punch! "fight me again after spring comes." - cool! 'hugging him so hard his back cracks.' - ouch.
Ah, nice backstory there, about the crystal.
"You are far too wise for a young one." - That's a rare praise from a Yama. I guess Ail's covered for the afterlife. Oh, a scolding. That's the Shiki that I know.
Ah... Reimu starts to soften up a bit, I noticed. I can guess where this leads to.
| nekokuro13 chapter 8 . 5/4/2012
Well, your chapters are quite long for me to digest two, or three in one sitting.
Haha, it's the dog version of Chen! Too bad Ail, I'm a cat-person, and a racist at that. :)
Oops, 'Entei' spotted. Ouch, Reisen got it real hard... Shouldn't Eirin ask, 'What AILS you?' Get it? Get it? XD Lol, my randomness again.
'"you better not try that shit on me, or you'll get hurt."' - Ha, is that being 'tsun', Reimu? :3
Bad Ail, bad! How dare you bite Hime-sama! On the leg! Geez, you pervert.
'"Pffft.. WAHAHAHAHA!"' - lol'd. Ah, Reimu should be glad. Now her shrine's famous!
'"It's not healthy for a ghost."' - true, but this statement made me wonder... do ghosts get sick? But Aw, poor Yuyuko.
'...some were saying he looked better now.' - ouch :P
'"Yuyuko wants to eat Mystia!"' - aw... :3 'Ail SOMEHOW got a large piece of meat and was luring Yuyuko back to the Hakurei Shrine with it.' - rofl
'"knowing her, she'll probably just burn them, or use them to make paper airplanes."' - ouch. That Baaba-sama.
'...slowly and steadily, she was about to finish level 3, when completely out of nowhere, a monstrous face appears in front of her, screaming a bloody scream.' Oh ROFL'd for the love of ZUN, that's super mean! Yeah, I'll end up like Marisa if I got that scream on my face.
Cirno's really smart when she's playing mind games like that. :P
Ouch... poor Hime-sama...
| nekokuro13 chapter 7 . 5/3/2012
Ah, should be the last chapter for my Sukima marathon today!
Lol, hit box, eh?
Dragon's Last Breath? Not sure if this spell card's canon, but it's cool, er, I mean, hot!
Lol Keine versus Suika. If it's the fullmoon, they could have a horn battle. Oops, randomness again!
Ah~ what's with the black ballll? Oh yeah, I forgot, Rumia's sonanoka.
'Ail covered his ears thinking "the pain!"' - XD
Le mega mega gasp! A changed Flandre? Did my eyes just deceiveth me?
Maybe Remilia will let her out on regular intervals now!
Try saying Ail Ail Meiling 50 times as fast as you can, with emphasis on the 'l's. You'll get your tongue itchy soon. Or tied.
Oh, so Yuyuko took a real liking to him? Did she think of herself as Ail's mother? Lucky him, I wouldn't have minded.
What? He survived an assassination from Gensokyo's fastest, pulling a substitution jutsu? OC alert! XP
'Various red tabs with the letter "P" on them flew up...' - rofl. someone's probably playing the entire story from a computer screen.
Shaggy half-youkai dog! XP
Ah, starts to get the flying black ball joke. I'm so slow! XD