|Reviews for X divided by 0|
| Hikaru Yamamoto chapter 1 . 8/25/2009
Good story but I can't imagine Naoto thinking "oh my god" or "man" sounds very unlike her,Though I understand how difficult Naoto can be in writing.
| Azurerin chapter 2 . 8/6/2009
So... Yosuke's more handsome than Souji, eh? p. Just kidding... Actually I didn't really mind grammar, since it's my second priority, my first priority is the storyline...
Nanako sure is sweet... )
| Joezette chapter 2 . 8/6/2009
| FortunesRevolver chapter 1 . 7/8/2009
...I'm still not used to that review button at the at the bottom of the stories. I've doubled my favorites because of it, but I'll leave the story there for now, to help you advertise.
The story is sweet as is the idea, but as grammar is not a strong point of mine, I'd suggest looking for a BETA who is very good at it. Again, my main concerns lie with how you tend to zip through the story without taking the time to describe what is going on thoroughly.
You have it written so one event is happen immediately after another and it ends up somewhat rushed. You told me you haven't played Persona in a while, but you might take the time to go back and carefully analyze the characters so you don't go too far off track.
Still, I like the premise for this story, so don't count this as a flame. Just be careful with future chapters and take care to smooth things out before posting. Personally, I have a grammar/typo beta and a content beta. One reads through and makes sure everything is correct and the other words for smoothness and points out where things could be re-written. I've seen quite a few nice BETA profiles around the site, so I'd start there.
I do hope you continue this though.
| Bittersweet Romanticide chapter 1 . 7/7/2009
Hi! I'll do the review for grammar for ya!
"It was Christmas Eve in Inaba and I’m going to get to spend it with Naoto, Souji thought to himself as he put the finishing touches on the models in his room."
"It was Christmas Eve in Inaba.
And I’m going to get to spend it with Naoto, Souji thought to himself as he put the finishing touches on the models in his room."
You need to start a new paragraph.
"Come in Naoto, merry Christmas."
"Come in, Naoto. Merry Christmas."
Always put commas in front and after of someone's name when they're being addressed.
“No sempai that’s fine"
"No, sempai, that's fine"
"Naoto replied conveniently leaving out all her contributions."
"Naoto replied, conveniently leaving out all her contributions."
"Please I insist"
"Please, I insist"
"Man is it cold."
"Man, is it cold."
"Man! Is it cold."
"Man senpai seems"
"Man, senpai seems"
There's other places where you need to remember to put your commas, but you understand the basic rules I've set out for you, right? :D
| Azurerin chapter 1 . 7/6/2009
I don't know that Souji could have a nosebleed like Kanji... lol
Overall, I think this story is quite nice, but I think there were some punctuation misplace, it's minor though... I didn't mean to criticize you, but I think I need to tell you...
Good luck for the coming chapter!
| hihazuki chapter 1 . 7/4/2009
Ahahaha... that is one kickass Xmas. XD