|Reviews for Fortuna Favet Fatuis|
| Cryse chapter 13 . 2/1/2014
It seems that Souji and Naoto are making progress, even without her recovering her memories. At this rate, I imagine that when Naoto recovers her memories, it will be more like the final push in them reforming their bond, rather than re-establishing the whole thing from nothing.
Again, I understand why not much attention was paid to the actual rescue of Kanji, as it wouldn't have been much different than in the game.
Kanji opening up early and more than you expected Souji? Well then, you must have forgotten about the 'Kindred Spirit Effect' (I'm never going to get tired of this by the way, sorry, not really sorry though, heh)
With Yosuke making all these jokes about Souji and Naoto, I wonder what he'll have to say when he finds Naoto is a girl?
Also, now that Naoto and Souji are becoming more comfortable with each other in their current state, this brings me back to thinking about when the group visits the club in the future. If Souji somehow gets drunk off the atmosphere this time like the other, or there is real alcohol involved this time, I can imagine him saying something like: "I mean, are you guys blind, or just stupid? Obviously... heh... someone as beautiful as Naoto could only be a g-" before Naoto promptly stops him. Don't look at me like that, I've had that idea since playing through the event in the game.
And like I just mentioned, even though Naoto and Souji are becoming more comfortable again, you show that there is still some distance between them, like when Naoto accidentally called Souji 'Senpai'. Good job with that.
I'm assuming that Dojima and Nanako will end up in the hospital again, so that leaves me hopeful that Naoto will be staying with Souji to keep him company while they are gone, as I would assume that she would have her memories back by then.
I'm glad you expanded on Kanji somewhat, similar to how I mentioned before. That just leaves me wondering how you will do the same with Rise...
And speaking of Rise, she'll most likely be next to confront her shadow. Teddie too, which I almost forgot about. I wonder how you'll explain Rise's Persona and its capabilities.
As usual, good chapter. Finally shaking off some of the after-effects of the heart-wrenching you gave me a couple of chapters ago, so hopefully you don't decide knock me right back on my ass on the next chapter, though I would love it despite how emotionally draining it would be.
| Cryse chapter 12 . 2/1/2014
Wow, talk about changes.
It's almost like what Naoto said during her social link. Something along the lines of 'I'm afraid that if I keep talking, everything will just spill out', which pretty accurately describes what happened to Souji.
Well, I am glad that Naoto is in the story earlier than usual, that's for sure. Though I do think Souji is taking this better than he should be. I understand that he truly feels okay as long as Naoto is okay, but it still must feel sad to have your lover treat you like a stranger. That's why the hug was cruel in a way, it gave him a taste of what he can't have right now.
I thought you would have taken the opportunity of having Yukiko and Souji alone together to have Yukiko ask if Naoto was the girl who had forgotten him, but I guess she either hasn't figured it out or deems the issue too private. I'm going to guess the former.
I see that the 'Kindred Spirit Effect' didn't affect Kanji and his view of Naoto like I thought it would, but perhaps we'll see more of that later.
While I do like all the Yosuke/Chie fluff, much like Souji, it makes me sorely miss Souji/Naoto fluff. I'm still vulnerable from that heart-wrenching you gave me last chapter too! That was seriously effective.
Souji was acting like he was going on his first date when he was trying to go to talk to Naoto, but I guess I can't blame him given his circumstances.
Naoto is taking it all in stride, or as much as you can be, having that many bombshells dropped on you at once.
At least I'll have some Souji/Naoto interaction to keep me occupied until the fluff I suppose.
I wonder if Naoto will get to face her shadow earlir than normal this time? I hope so, only because the contents of this chapter lead me to believe that she will regain her memories once she gains her Persona. Now that Souji has approached her, I foresee her Shadow being considerably different than last time, which makes me excited for that event as well.
As things lay however, it seems that at the very least Kanji will have to be dealt with first, and unless some drastic change occurs, the order will fall as normal, meaning that Naoto won't be getting her Persona terribly soon. Oh well. Maybe you could have it similar to Chie and have it pop out in the middle of Kanji or Rise's dungeon, but it probably wouldn't have as great of an effect. However, I don't see her normal scenario playing out either, so I'm left unsure.
I'm sure it will be enjoyable regardless, so I'm looking forward to it.
Very good, interesting chapter.
| Cryse chapter 11 . 2/1/2014
Oh my god. I feel so tired after the huge rush of adrenaline you just caused to course through my body. That was so out of nowhere and... just... wow. I mean, I did say I expected him to lose his cool, but not quite so extremely. I might need to go lie down...
Anyway, um, on to the, uh, rest of the chapter. Ah... I'll come back to this in a bit, I really need to calm down.
Phew... alright, better now.
Seriously though, that was intense, and now thinking back, heart-breaking, especially since Souji probably thinks he just fucked everything up.
Getting off that topic for a bit, I like how you made Nanako able to tell that Souji wasn't alright, once more showing that Souji's bonds are being re-built. Adding how Nanako was slightly uneasy concerning the bento because her mom used to make them was clever too.
I wonder if Yukiko will piece things together and realize Naoto is the girl who can't remember Souji. If not, she will when she finds out Naoto is a girl. Would she share this with the group I wonder?
How will Souji deal with his emotions now? He probably needs someone now, and that person was usually Naoto. Hopefully his friends can offer him so kind words, even if they don't fully understand what's going on. I'm guessing Yosuke. Maybe even Dojima. He has to be hurting right now.
Naoto's feelings are stirred up to, though not as bad as Souji's. Something else for her shadow to talk about eventually perhaps.
Oh you've made a mess of me... I'm trying to add as much as I can, usually I have more to comment on than this. I sincerely apologize, and I'll try to focus during the next chapter.
| Cryse chapter 10 . 2/1/2014
Naoto is being affected by the 'Kindred Spirit Effect' I see. I was wondering when you were going to put that in.
Nanako really is adorable isn't she? You've got that down pretty good.
I'm glad Souji ended up making a comment about how his heart already belonged to another, as it would have cleared up any misconceptions that Yosuke may have had, like I felt he might have a while ago. He probably didn't, but still, it put me at ease I guess.
Souji telling Nanako that Dojima sounded close to tears is kind of a stretch though. I know he was making something up to make her feel better, but it just struck me as a really off way for Souji to go about it doing so.
I knew that Souji would be plagued by what had happened to Naoto one way or another, which makes me glad for the fact that Naoto is Inaba now. One step closer, though there is probably still quite a while before she regains her memories.
I forgot to mention before how I thought the Fool-ish thing you did on the card was clever. Souji is of the Fool Arcana after all. Fortune's Fool as you like to say.
The part you added with the strange fridge contents was a pretty funny nod to the game, just as the joke about Souji fishing much earlier in the story was. The game does have a lot of strange things if you look at it the right way after all. They're part of what makes the game Persona 4 though, right?
Going back to Naoto recovering her memories, I hope it doesn't take too long for her to get them back. I'm not expecting her to get them immediately, but I don't want it to happen right before the end of the case, you know? I'm sure you understand and have similar sentiments, so I think I needn't worry too much. After all, I'd imagine that we both want to see them spend some time together.
At this rate though, Souji is going to lose his cool if he spots Naoto, and Naoto being who she is, is certain to notice. The possibility leaves me intrigued.
Overall good chapter. I'm glad that Naoto seems to have become a consistent part of the story now even if she isn't a part of the team yet.
| Cryse chapter 9 . 2/1/2014
Another quick peek into Naoto's life hm? I like the trend. Misanori is still as sharp as ever I see.
Judging from what Souji said during the chapter, does he not know he holds Naoto's memories? *Checks earlier chapters* Oh, I see. I thought he knew. I'm going to assume that Naoto will regain them when she either A. Gets her Persona B. Gets close enough to Souji (Social Link) or C. Kisses Souji. The last one because it would be a way of transfer I guess...? Anyway.
I'm glad Souji had some time with Dojima like I had hoped earlier. The part where Souji and Nanako sang the Junes theme, and Dojima's reaction made me laugh.
So far it seems like the investigation team is progressing normally, more or less.
I'll admit, I didn't ship Chie and Yosuke (not that the possibility hasn't crossed my mind), but you're making me a believer. Chalk another one up I suppose, ne?
Souji's conversation concerning his past relationships (or future, if you will), gave off a much better impression than it did with Yosuke I found. I'm surprised that Souji decided to say anything about it, but Yukiko is his friend and he probably needed to talk about it, if only a little.
You really make me curious as to how Yakushiji come to be Misanori's assistant, I feel like there is something interesting there...
At least even if Souji doesn't know that he contains Naoto's memories, he still intends to not "waste any chances". Looks like he'll be in for a nice surprise eventually then, Naoto does recover her memories.
I wonder if something will work out differently with Dojima and golden week, and if not, I wonder what Souji plans to do with Nanako instead. She hung out with Souji and the gang last time, didn't she? Maybe something similar, except they all go do something this time insetad of hanging out at Junes. To be fair though, she does like Junes, and there's not really anywhere else to go.
Oh! I either forgot to mention earlier, or it was going to be in the review I accidentally cut off, but they went to Daidara's! Too bad the ridiculousness of the situation wasn't emphasized as much as it could have been. And they hide their weapons under their clothes, huh? I guess that makes sense.
Anyway, my excitement to see Souji and Naoto reunited is building. Great, long chapter.
| Cryse chapter 8 . 2/1/2014
Awwww, Souji still finds a way to care for her even when she doesn't know him yet. I must be careful not to eat much more sugar today, lest you overdose me.
Kidding, of course, not about it being sweet though.
I apologize for the abrupt ending of my last review, as I accidentally clicked post before I had finished. But, moving on.
I was wondering when we'd get a peek at Naoto, I knew you couldn't stay away from her until she joined the team. I'm grateful though, as I'm sure are many others.
You've kept Souji as the guy to turn to for advice I see. That's good though, because the others appreciate him in turn.
I don't particularly mind skipping the fight with Yukiko's shadow, as you had no reason to change enough of it to warrant an appearance. It might have been redundant, so I agree with your choice to give it some brief mentions before moving on.
I see Souji and Nanako are getting closer, that makes me hope that will be the case for him and Dojima somewhat soon as well.
Souji's good a teasing, which can always make the situation more light-hearted. He must have gotten pretty good after learning how to make Naoto blush easily, not to say he does it if it's bothering her.
Development for Yosuke and Chie, that's good. Souji is as thoughtful as ever considering people's problems.
The mention of how Chie and Yosuke's relationship having some awkwardness to it despite their good intentions makes it feel very human, like Yosuke still struggling to find that protective balance.
However, I think Souji is giving off the wrong impression sometimes with all of his advice, making him seem... not quite like he's been 'around' per se but... anyway. Watch out for that. Yosuke might think he's been around the block or something, at least that's the impression I'm getting, if only a little. Maybe it's just me though.
I guess next will be Kanji, or in the near future anyway.
Great chapter, and looking forward to the next, which I will read immediately.
| Cryse chapter 7 . 2/1/2014
Ah, the title is very suitable for this chapter.
I didn't really realize it until now, but you're right, this is Souji's second chance in so many ways. I was too busy focusing on the differences between the bad and true endings that I failed to see the potential for change in the rest of the story. You're doing a really good job, enough to make me realize that. I'm looking forward to the rest of this story even more now.
The flashback with Souji and Naoto was sweet, but painful at the same time. Souji himself summed it up pretty well at the end of the chapter, he's happy for them, but he can't help but feel a little jealous, because right now, Naoto doesn't even know he exists.
I have a feeling that Souji will try (fruitlessly) to change the fate that is 'Mystery Food X'. I think it would be much funnier if the helplessness of it was emphasized, that even a second chance couldn't save them from such a horrible fate.
It's impressive that Chie and Yosuke are getting even more development than they did the first time, which had been good on its own.
Thinking on the others and how their development might change... Kanji might come to terms with whatever his sexuality is (as some could argue that wasn't settled). Not that it's a big deal, more so that Kanji can find himself. Rise... hmmm... hard to say. I honestly don't know her character that well. You can probably showcase a closer and more pure friendship between Yukiko and Chie even after Yukiko is saved, not to say their friendship before wasn't good.
Even though Souji has regained his memories and Naoto will be regaining hers, that doesn't mean their development is over either. I'm curious to see where you'll go with them.
I imagine that the pair might keep their relationship under wraps for a bit when Naoto does recover her memories, as it would seem odd to the group if they seemingly became lovers out of nowhere. Then again, they might not find it weird because of the 'Kindred Spirit Effect' as I will no refer to it as. That would probably cause Kanji to be less inclined towards Naoto too, because the 'Kindred Spirit Effect' (I'm going to have a fun time using that name) will make him feel as though it would be wrong, because in the back of his sub-conscious, he knows that she already belongs to someone else.
Thinking about the future even more, I almost forgot that they go to the club. Maybe Souji will get a little drunk off the atmosphere as well, and accidentally start revealing things to Naoto, or say things like he misses her. Lots of opportunity, and you wrote the club extremely well last time, so I'm now really looking forward to it.
At some point I feel like Naoto is going to notice Souji's strong gaze, because he can't help himself, and think on how there is sadness in there for some reason she cannot place. Something like that, anyway, but you're probably quite a few steps ahead of me in that aspect.
| Cryse chapter 6 . 2/1/2014
Awwww, he misses her. I mean, of course he does, but still. Naoto looked after him even at the end, huh? That sounds like her. I feel so fuzzy right now... but not like Teddie.
So they're not going to get arrested this time huh? Doesn't mean that I can completely rule out the possibility happening later, Yosuke is Yosuke after all, if he did it once, he can do it again.
Also, I know this is probably an old issue, but asking for reviews for chapters doesn't really bother me. I understand why you are doing/did it.
The phone saved contacts, I wonder why that is. I don't feel like you added that for no reason, but I guess we'll see.
I wonder what Naoto would think if she saw the badge before the regained her memories. I'm betting she will, and it will stir up some things inside of her, because she knows that she is the only one who could have made that.
Looks like Souji is going to have a tough time keeping things under wraps. At least if he does screw up, I still don't think his friends would suspect him, you've shown that they still trust him (at least with Yosuke anyway).
Giving Souji back all his precious items saves some time I suppose, so he doesn't have to get them again. Not to say he won't become close with his friends again, but this way you don't have to dedicate a whole chapter to him getting them back, or something along those lines.
Judging from what Igor said, I'm glad that a large part of the focus will be on Souji and Naoto, not that I expected any different.
I'm also glad that just because Souji regained his memories, doesn't mean he's forgotten his family because he's focusing on the future of the case. He keeps a good head on his shoulders, but that's part of what makes him a good leader I suppose.
So he's getting his social link Arcana back. That leads me to believe that he will be using multiple Persona, also because you mentioned that Souji switches Persona in order to minimize damage through Naoto on tumblr. I found your profile while searching your pen-name to find your fanfiction profile, so I took a look through some of it, just so you know I guess.
Souji's playing matchmaker huh? I can't complain. He's just trying his best to get his friends to be happy, so his actions don't strike me as odd.
Teddie's puns still make me laugh.
So, on to Chie and Yukiko. Things are moving somewhat fast now which is good, but I hope we get to see some more of the group together for some down time later, especially when the whole group gets together.
Great chapter, like usual. Time for the next.
| Cryse chapter 5 . 2/1/2014
Oh wow... is that really the bad end? I know what decisions cause it, but... ugh. I honestly didn't want to watch it because I knew it would effect me, apparently reading it was no better. At least you know you did it justice I suppose, hm?
So that's how you plan on doing things. Looks like I was kind of right about regaining their memories along with gaining their Persona, but if I'm honest with myself, my guess was stretch at best to what actually ended up happening. At least I have the comfort of knowing Naoto will regain her memories as well. Why would she be included in the memories in the velvet room? Because she is closely linked to his heart, and directly tied to his fate, which makes me hopeful for the possibility of Naoto joining Souji in the velvet room at least once, as I had mentioned I hope for before.
Though... Souji will no doubt blame himself for her own painful memory of death once she regains her memories. Not that Naoto will let him feel that way for very long. They really are each other's strength... Souji probably won't deal with it too well until she comes along though. Hurry up Naoto! Souji needs you!
I guess having not seen the bad end is why the scream from chapter one wasn't familiar to me, as it would have been obvious to anyone who had seen the bad end.
I wonder if Naoto will also only be able to regain her memories once she has gained her persona. If that is the case, the pain of having Naoto treating Souji as a stranger will come true as I had guessed. You'll probably make me all teary-eyed again... Time to prepare my heart.
Admittedly, I was a little confused at the beginning of the chapter, and was wondering if I had accidentally skipped a chapter. Then I thought you must have skipped Yosuke's shadow, to which I though fair enough, as it leaves enough of an impression from the game, though I did still find it odd. Then you went back to it, and my concerns were put to rest.
Already calling each other partner, huh? Seems like the others won't be regaining their memories, which is fine because their previous time still has an influence on them, and if there were vials for all of them, it would have downplayed how special it is for Naoto to get one from Souji's mind, and for him to be entrusted with it.
Again, this makes me hopeful that we might get to see Naoto more early on, as now should be when things truly start to diverge, as Souji has his memories back.
Speaking of the memories, I liked Igor's explanation on how it could take multiple forms, and how it could be consumed and such. The bit about them being fragile when exposed to air was a nice touch as well. My only complaint is that because the memories were mentioned to be so fragile, I think Souji should have had a quick thought about how the vials seemed unearthly, whether this be shown by Souji noticing what an odd material it seemed to be made of, or how immaculate the craftsmanship was, or how delicate it seemed, something so the vials would match up and we would be able to put two and two together on how the vials were able to hold such a delicate thing. Minor complaint however.
I also like how you implied that Izanagi has a... personality isn't right, maybe more like a conscious. The brief chuckle showed that, and I thought it was a really nice addition, as the game understandably never really goes into detail on the connections that the Persona has to their... master during normal life, if at all.
I hope that Souji shows at least some gratitude towards the inhabitants of the velvet room now that he's regained his memories. Not for any particular reason other than that's the way he is, and it can't be denied that one way or another they do help him a lot.
The explanation of how the memories worked are nice too, comparing them to lock and key, explaining that Naoto's memories wouldn't be 'absorbed' or perhaps gained rather, by Souji. Felt very in place with the Persona universe.
Other than that, the fact that Souji helped out Yosuke even with how he tired he was speaks volumes on how much their bond had progressed already. Nice touch.
Now, how will you handle Daidara? Like I mentioned before, it would be a good opportunity for some laughs, but it might be better just to do it off-screen so to speak.
The fishing part was really funny, especially the part about bench pressing Samegawa's Guardian. That's so Yosuke. You make me not even sad that I finished the game, because the characters still exist here.
Really good chapter aside from a few nit-picks. Now, moving on to the next chapter, where I'm sure Souji will be blaming himself for how things turned out previously... I can only hope Naoto isn't too far behind to help him.
| Cryse chapter 4 . 2/1/2014
I'm assuming the joke you added was for.. what was it... ToastedWhiskers? Anyway, I'm sure (she?) enjoyed it. The addition wasn't bothersome and it didn't take me out of the story or anything, so I'm all for it.
I would wonder if getting their memories back would be linked to acquiring their Persona, but then where does that leave Souji?
Souji said he already had a girlfriend without realizing it. I imagine you're going to mention that moment or have another similar one at some point.
Looks like Teddie was more understanding which makes sense, but we still have the next visit, so I can't say for sure or not that the 'past' is influencing him to trust the others more, though I don't see why it wouldn't.
You're pretty good at creating Morooka's lines by the way. I imagine he's at least somewhat hard to write.
Though I wouldn't necessarily agree with the previous chapters being 'dull', I do agree however that there was more going on this chapter, more things changed around, more progress was made, etc.
The description of the room with the chair inside the TV was good. Not concerned about the detail for this chapter.
I have to ask though, why the numerous mentions to Vegas all of a sudden? Another inside joke perhaps?
Aside from that, this chapter made me laugh, even though most of the group isn't here yet. Speaking of the group, I hope Naoto makes an appearance a little earlier in the story than usual, as this is a Souji/Naoto fic after all. However, I'm sure you know that and wish to have them together as well, so I trust your judgement with however you've decided to go about things.
I was surprised at first that the words 'Midnight Channel' didn't give Souji another... memory flash I suppose, but at least he did think on it somewhat, though I think the foreboding feeling he felt with Saki balanced the fact that he didn't feel as though the midnight channel was something bad or ominous. Perhaps both reactions at the same time would have been too much.
The tension is still building in the Dojima household I see. Souji is going to have to help them become a family again, though the future knowledge of the murders may distract him from doing so, making him forget sometimes. Maybe things in the household will get even worse than they usually do before they get better this time. Although, that being said, you show that Dojima and Nanako still obviously care for each other.
The one who opens the door? Was that in the game? Hmmm, don't remember that part. I'll have to keep an eye out for similar things being changed to try and see where you're going with it, though I may just be forgetting things that happened during the game.
Souji has quite expansive knowledge I see. Maybe that's a shout-out to max knowledge and courage (when he talked back to Morooka), as I know you had to have had those in your playthrough, as they are required for Naoto's social link. Just more qualities that make him a good leader I suppose. As long as you don't make him a genius.
Other than that, again, funny chapter. Good detail, and Souji's reactions to things seemed humanly accurate, such as his thoughts in Junes about trying to stick his hand into the TV. Then again, some reactions are purely him, like with saying that there was a steak-house.
Thoroughly enjoyable chapter. See you on the next.
| Cryse chapter 3 . 1/31/2014
You keep throwing in little tidbits of Souji's past I see. That is a good way to go about it. A little in passing will add up, and then maybe more when the conversation shifts to it later down the road... so you don;t have to get used to the idea all at once. Or something like that.
Wouldn't to live with a detective who suspects you, huh? Poor Souji. Doesn't even know what's coming... yet, anyways.
Yeah, I have a feeling that's how we all reacted to Morooka.
You're even going off little things said in the game huh? You're good. Like at the end of the first day at school (or near it anyways), the narration said something along the lines of trying to fit in. I see Souji took that to heart, talking about blending in and all.
I'll be honest, I don't get the part about Souji saying he wouldn't be here long enough to have it effect his grade if he skipped a bit. Does the grade go on for more than a year...? I know the Japanese school system is different, but I honestly don't really know how it works. You probably did your research though, huh? Always have to do a lot of research, and to get this close to the game text, you must be either playing the game again, or watching it on youtube. After all, it's only when you start writing when you realize that you need to know a lot of small things you never really would have paid attention to normally, or at least bother to remember.
I like the chapter title, and how you fit it into the conversation. I'd say it's pretty accurate considering the situation.
Again, keeping things slightly different. Good, good. Another thing that isn't as easy as you think until you try it is adapting a story. Putting into a quality reading form takes more than one would think before they start, huh? You're doing good though.
I liked when you added how it was as if Dojima didn't know how to talk to girls. Again, very authentic. I wonder how you'll write Souji gradually stepping up to be a leader, or if he'll regain his memories by then. Probably during the transition.
It's kind of funny if you consider how the Persona 4 we've played uses an adapted script from its original Japanese counterpart, yet it requires further adapting. Like how you changed Chie's line that used to be something about Yukiko making her look like she had no upbringing. Probably didn't seem quite right I'd imagine, so it had to be adapted again. Just something I find a little funny if you think about it.
It's nice to know that the investigation squad's connections are still there, like how Souji feels comfortable with them. I imagine Teddie probably won't be as suspicious either, or he'll something about how he feels that they're cool or something and that'll be why he eventually trusts them.
Oh Souji. A lower crime rate out here in Inaba, huh? Ouch. I'm sure you did that on purpose though.
All in all, another good chapter. Sorry I forgot to say this earlier, but if their's anything you want specific attention paid to, let me know. Like, a specific moment, or trait of a chapter. Atmosphere, whatever. I forgot to offer earlier.
Last thing, I still feel like some things could use a little bit more detail. The exterior of the school was good, but I think the interior of the class could have used a quick description too. Atmosphere was there, with the class reacting as a whole, some side comments, and Souji spinning his pencil, but like I said, I feel like it could of used a quick description. Minor complaint however.
Anyway, again, good chapter, and on to the next.
| Cryse chapter 2 . 1/31/2014
A women's scream... my first thought was Naoto, but then I thought, why would it be her? Then I thought maybe it was Nanako's, because she dies in the bad ending I believe. Then, I went back to Naoto, because I don't think you'd describe Nanako as a woman, and she went out quietly, as sad as that sounds. Could it be foreshadowing of her being 'killed' during the final boss? Also, awwww, I knew that they were still connected, even if they don't know it. I hope the same goes for Naoto as well.
So he recovers his memories after Saki... okay. I wonder if Naoto will come into play earlier than in the canon. If you plan on shifting events, I'm sure it could be plausible.
I'm glad that while the conversations are reminiscent of their gameplay counterparts, I'm glad they aren't exact clones, so good job there.
He doesn't consider the Dojima household a home. Well, that leaves contrast for when he eventually does, or maybe that title is reserved to wherever Naoto is.
Good to see that Souji isn't completely different, showing that even if for the moment he doesn't consider the household a home, he appreciates Dojima for taking him in and cares for Nanako.
The small mentions of Souji's past is nice too. I look forward to expanding his character as you did Naoto's.
The Junes memory flair, that makes sense. He's spent so much time there, it'd be odd for the commercial to not affect him.
Maybe people's memories will return once Souji becomes close enough to them, or "completes their social link" I suppose you could say. Power of the wild card? I wonder how you'll explain things.
Since you mentioned a shift in events, I wonder if eventually Dojima will learn the truth of what's really going on with the murders, and about the TV world. I always thought Cerberus would suit him... heh, that's nearing crack though. Would be really out of left field if he showed up to save the day though. Some eyes would pop out of their skulls I'm sure.
The Katana part was interesting. Almost like muscle memory but with your soul...? Anyway. I wonder how you'll explain how they manage to sneak their weapons into the TV world, though if they keep it inside near the entrance/exit, you would only have to explain how they get the stuff in there once. Until someone new comes along that is. Might be better to just do off-screen so to speak.
Daidara is a good opportunity for some laughs, as you could easily make fun of how the hell they manage to buy weapons from the guy.
So since it looks like everyone will have their normal equipment, unlike in the anime where they fight strictly with their Personas, I can't help but wonder if they'll be pulling off any special moves like in Persona 4 Arena. Probably not, but it's a thought. Would be hard to explain or even try to rationalize with the canon though, so again, probably not.
I wonder how you'll handle the wild-card aspect of Souji. Will he use multiple demons? I imagine so. I wonder who will pop up... Cerberus, Trumpeter, Black Frost, are some of my guesses. Probably Loki too. Maybe.
Anyway, enjoyable chapter. Things haven't started to diverge as much yet, like you said, but you managed to mix in enough differences so it still provokes thought and isn't boring. Again, enjoyable chapter overall.
On to the next chapter.
| Cryse chapter 1 . 1/31/2014
Hello. First, I want to say I love how you write the characters of Persona 4.
I just recently finished the game, and came on hoping to find some nicely written stories about Naoto, and who I now know to call, Souji. Then I found your page.
I apologize for not leaving a review for your other stories, as I planned to just briefly mention them here, however I would have no qualms going back and leaving a review for each if you find that it would be beneficial... once you have seen at least one of my reviews first however, so you have an idea of what they're like.
The thing that immediately grabbed me when I first started to read your fics, is how... authentic it felt. Having just come from the game, I noted your fics have the exact same feel as it did, which I personally find rare, for any kind of fanfiction. I could hear the characters voices in my head as I read, and it almost felt as though the game hadn't ended.
One of the reasons that this surprised me, is Souji. Being that for the most part his character is left up to the player, somehow, you nailed him. I know he was given a personality in Persona 4 Arena (which I have played some of), but I find that even so, you did him justice, which is strange given of how malleable he is. You took what the game gave you, and fledged it out. He is every bit the calm, but still human, leader that the others all look up to in some shape or form. Thinking of it now, It's almost as though you pieced him together from what few consistencies you could say he had, no matter how he was played, and mainly through how the other characters viewed him. Again, no small feat considering at first glance he appears as almost a blank slate.
Beyond that, I love how you portray Souji and Naoto's relationship. It's something very pure and special, and every bit suitable for them. Their sheer dedication to each other shines through in the small things they do just as much as the big things. Truly, it's... heartwarming. To be honest, I don't tear up easily, but you've seemed to manage it a number of times now. I could think of no other way for them to be portrayed. You truly bring them to life.
Naoto is also written beautifully. Not only is your accuracy staggering, but you go beyond that as you expand her character through events, and sometimes even just phrases.
I could go on about the other characters, but they could simply be summed up as I have earlier, spot on, and authentic. I felt the need to address Souji specifically for reasons stated above, and Naoto deserved a mention too.
You obviously know your way around the universe, and the characters' interactions with each other. Honestly, the character interactions cracked me up just as often as they did in the game, if not more.
Not everything is perfect, like a few rare parts I personally found a little confusing, such as they very end of Downward Spiral (last few paragraphs), but the characters and their interactions completely overshadow these few small things in the best way possible. It may be just me, but I also find you avoid Dojima for some reason, which I find somewhat a shame because I personally love his character, but it could just be me.
I'm not trying to worship the ground you walk on or anything like that either, these are just my honest thoughts and opinions regarding your work that I felt you should know.
Moving on, I'll do my best to be of some kind of assistance in the future, as I plan to review each chapter of this story, including this one. While I might not have the best writing experience, at least I'll be able to tell you what I think from the eyes of a reader. That being said, I'm pretty much going to comment on everything that comes to mind from the story, usually in the form of a question, although it's more like me wondering.
This may seem seem pointless because you can't answer them, but they're honestly there more to try and give you a sense of where the reader's heads are at. Obviously I can't represent everyone, but by asking these things you can see at least my focus so you can know that either "okay, these hints got through to them, they noticed" or "they're not noticing this, maybe I need to include something else to get them to notice...", things along those lines.
Quickly, before I get started (on this chapter, along with the others as I read them), it should be noted that I have not seen the bad end, so just fyi I guess.
A reset, if you will, hm? Judging from your author's note, I have a feeling that Souji is going to be regaining his memories at some point, be it slowly throughout, or all at once, most likely early on if that is the case.
At first I was shocked with how Souji was being characterized, but I then realized the potential it leaves for, and what it implies. Persona 4 is a game where the characters evolve a great deal emotionally, and I realize that is most likely what you're doing here. It threw me off, because this wasn't the case in the game, but that is obviously because of him being... less of a character I guess, in the game. Looking at it in that respect, that is a good decision, though that makes me hope that the memory regain is gradual, lest the development not be shown, or at least it being hard to show. This also leaves open to show how much Naoto has had an effect on him. During the game, we are shown how much Souji effects her development for the better, and now there is an opportunity to show Naoto's effect on him as well. After all, everything about them is mutual.
Now that my thoughts are on the future, I hope you add more... 'fluff' to the canon story I guess. What I mean is for example, the school events. Were they necessary to the plot? Usually not. Were they enjoyable? Extremely so, or at least I found so. Maybe the investigation team goes to see a movie, maybe something else happens, you know, slice of life stuff.
I also think how it will be painful for Souji if he remembers his time with Naoto when they first meet, as she would treat him like a stranger. Maybe he just feels that she's important to him or something, and doesn't know why for sure until later? I also feel like if he keeps his knowledge of the future to himself for any number of reasons, that he eventually confides in her, or she or the whole group eventually recovers their memories. Still, if that happens, hopefully he would confide in her first, as it would show his trust in her.
I also think it would be interesting if Naoto eventually visits the velvet room with Souji. After all, Teddie did and the explanation that he could be there was something along the lines of he could be there because the velvet room was directly tied to Souji's heart, or his fate or something, if I'm remembering correctly. Naoto is closely tied to both of those things (or in this case, will be, though I like to think that she still is). I wonder if Margaret and Igor would be there this time, if she did visit with Souji.
Honestly, I also always wished for Dojima's reaction to Souji and Naoto's relationship, though I understand that it would probably be hard to write. I imagine Dojima will be showing up at least semi-often, so I'm excited for that too. It would be interesting for Dojima to have a heartfelt conversation with Naoto at some point like Souji did with Misanori as well, similar in the fact that the conversation shows they both care deeply for Souji.
The detail of the surroundings seems to be slightly less present than usual, but maybe that is just me. This is a prologue as well, so I should keep that in mind.
I have some other thoughts, but I will leave them for the next reviews I will be writing after reading the next chapters. Before I move on, I'd quickly like to apologize for the length of my review, and how it tends to be all over the place regarding my thoughts.
See you again shortly.
| Takeshi Yamato chapter 17 . 1/26/2014
I hope this gets updated soon - it's a very good story, and I definitely want to see more. :)
Azure Knight of the Raging Tempest
| Zeffer4501 chapter 1 . 12/25/2013
Please update its so awesome