|Reviews for Past Crime, Present Doubt, Future Reckoning|
| The Pirate on Wheels chapter 5 . 6/23/2010
I had some problems with random missing words that sort of broke the mood, and Negi was whiny and annoying. Oh, and there could have been more hand to hand techniques, like maybe some throws and trips, but you get about 100 trillion points for writing a big hooking battle fic. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing massive action and fight scenes.
| Eternal Longing chapter 5 . 5/15/2010
That was such an amazing epilogue. I... it's hard to express... Well, I didn't cry, if you were wondering, but I was touched by the end. The best way to express it is contentment and complete closure.
Chachamaru's costume brought the story full circle, my favorite kind of ending, and Anna's last line was just right. Just right.
I enjoyed Chapter 1, 2, and 5 the most. The battle chapters were fun, destructive, and exactly to my taste, but the gems of characterization and meaning in the other three won over wanton destruction.
Like I mentioned in previous reviews, keep in mind that typos distract the reader, me, from the story. The battle chapters had quite a few, which may be another reason I appreciated them less.
Things I liked, however, entirely outweigh my minor dissatisfaction. Characterization, real and believable. No plot holes. Revisited ideas and themes. An ending with real closure that was even touching. All those are things I enjoyed about your story. But above all, Eva as the main character is just win.
Thanks for a great story. The time I spent reading was definitely not wasted. I look forward to other stories you may plan to write in the future.
| Eternal Longing chapter 4 . 5/15/2010
Ah. Original spell time. I completely forgot about Magia Erebea, despite it being Evangeline's spell. I mean, Eva-chan's never used it herself. It's all just Negi, Negi, Negi. The triple combination not only made sense, it was three layers of cool at once.
So I guess, in another half a century, Anna will be back for revenge. Will anything have changed since then for Eva? Because if nothing will have changed, Anna just might be able to finish the job.
MVP for the chapter is Chachazero. "Wheeeee!"
| Eternal Longing chapter 3 . 5/15/2010
Large scale fight that destroys most of Mahora. I like. I do have a few criticisms though:
1) Evangeline's fighting style is long range, super destructive magic, not close range pummel-your-enemy-to-paste beatdowns. I was hoping for more, larger spells. Like the one that took down the Kyoto Demon God and Asuna, for example. And even if Anna is incredibly fast, Eva has her strings and her aikidou. Different fighting styles.
2) Repetitive: While not to the point it wasn't enjoyable, a lot of what happened was Anna and Evangeline smashing each other through buildings.
3) Typos: They were ignorable, but they were there, and they were many.
However, the ending pleased me immensely. The spike of pure sun was a nice touch and Evangeline's dismembered body, though gory, proved you're not scared to kill of a character. Whether she revives or not is another thing entirely.
I'm itching to write a super big battle myself now. I just need to find a pretense for it...
| Eternal Longing chapter 2 . 5/15/2010
Beautiful Eva characterization. That's all that needs to be said.
| Eternal Longing chapter 1 . 5/15/2010
An abstract beginning, but you make it obvious what is about to happen and the nature of the threat with the first and last scenes. Judging by the description of Ms. Invader, however, I fear Ms. Invader will have... extreme fighting capabilities. We shall see.
The best lines in the chapter are Evangeline's introspective talk with Chachazero. Evangeline's evilness is a topic well worth discussing, and I hope it becomes one of the major themes as I continue to read.
The use of detail was just enough to avoid clogging up the flow of the chapter, and the characterizations were pretty exact. Just remember to look out for typos.
| Another Duck chapter 5 . 1/2/2010
In any normal fic, I'd say the fight scene dragged on way too much. Well, any fic under 150k words long, at any rate. However, that was kind of the point with this fic, so it's not really an issue. Otherwise I'd also expect something of a different resolution, considering just ending the fight with a plain victory isn't that interesting, plot-wise, after all.
Evangeline is one of the most interesting characters, if written correctly, and she might just be the most powerful of the ones we know about, at full strength. There are about one or two other characters who could compete for the spot. You've managed to put both of these into the story in a reasonable fashion, so it was enjoyable to read.
It's always funny to read about someone being in a large fight like this one, getting banged up with little complaints, and then after the fight, in the hostpital, whines about the pain when someone hugs her. The contrast is always amusing. Especially when called on it, and told she can handle it. Would've been fun to see that.
| Tikigod784 chapter 5 . 8/24/2009
Excellent story. The battle scenes were descriptive without stalling too much. Anna could have used a bit more fleshing out though. Perhaps a prologue with her and her family bringing Evangeline in? Anna having a short back-story was the only thing that interrupted the flow for me.
Also, I would very much support a sequel if you were interested, but only if you actually wanted to make one. An author should want to write their own story, not feel obligated to do so.
| Xascul chapter 5 . 8/22/2009
That was absolutely beautiful! its nice to see Eva having other feelins instead of hatred and anger. very well done!
| Xascul chapter 4 . 8/22/2009
HOLY CRAP!1 you got Eva to use her strongest magic! that's insane!
| Tikigod784 chapter 4 . 8/12/2009
And here I imagined Anna would be forced into Negi's posse or something... XD Nice with the Magia Erebia!
| Tikigod784 chapter 3 . 7/21/2009
You know, throughout this whole thing, I have to wonder: What would've happened if Eva had bothered to have a bite (or a little more than just a bite) to drink before this battle? I have to say that as bad of shape that she's in now, she can still recover if given even a bit of Negi or Konoka's blood...
| Patrick Gleason chapter 3 . 7/20/2009
The concept in itself (An old enemy of Evangeline coming searching for revenge) isn't very original, but you make it work very well. And may Evangeline and Anna come together for my ride if it wasn't the BEST DAMN FIGHTING SCENE I'VE EVER READ! You weren't afraid to show that Eva and her enemy were WAY above your average mage also, and that's good.
The characters were strictly IC, and, like the manga, there were humor even on a serious moment like this.
Excellent fic. Really. We're only in the third chapter, and I'm already your fan. Keep up the good work.
Now, why do I get this feeling that Negi is showing some spirit knight how REAL lighting uber-magic looks like? Well, actually I don't. But it would be a nice follow-up anyway.
"“So, where’s the fight?” She said with a much more cheerful voice." Best part. Period.
| Xascul chapter 3 . 7/20/2009
wow...that was...incredible...sad though...so..what happens now?
| Tikigod784 chapter 1 . 7/14/2009
hm... so eva-chan's being hunted, I see...