|Reviews for Original Return to Na Pali episode|
| TmX-Handepsilon chapter 17 . 5/31/2011
Ka-BOOM! Ha ha ha ha!
| TmX-Handepsilon chapter 16 . 9/1/2010
Wow! I never had RTNP, but I ever heard it. Write more!
| TmX-Handepsilon chapter 15 . 9/1/2010
It should be 'somewhere ontop of the canyon front', right?
| TmX-Handepsilon chapter 8 . 9/1/2010
Maybe you should say 'killed his own dumb self' on the marine's death.
| Darksource chapter 16 . 1/2/2010
Thanks, I wanted the characters to react like the ones from Left 4 Dead. And about the "They shot the Skaarj and it died." thin in that one chapter, I just had to include it because of the powerful weapons they had.
I set it so that each character gets 3 weapons at once(including the DP). I planned it so that Jew would also have a Quadshot where Jack and Kargoth are reunited with the others(and introduced to the 6th character), but it was changed to him just having the same Level 5 Dispersion Pistol.
An overview of the weapons and items the(not the additional ones) characters have(excluding the Dispersion Pistol):
Jack: Grenade Launcher, Shock Rifle, Flares(though I haven't gave him a part where he uses them though)
Joe: Stinger, Flak Cannon, Searchlight(Same thing as Jack)
Tre: Automag, Minigun, Clips
Kargoth: Combat Assault Rifle, Rocket Launcher, Universal Translator
I'll have a chance to give Jack and Joe a set where they use their inventory.
| tapioca two-step chapter 16 . 12/7/2009
Haha, sorry about my previous review. It seems using the words "hard" and "on" constitutes a bad word for fanfiction. Anyway, I meant to say, "you seem to be working diligently on your story".
This chapter is a little better. Gala's Peak is very very slippery, and I'm glad that you put in a little nail-biter where Jack almost falls of but Joe grabs him in the nick of time. Seeing them working against the mercenaries was refreshing too.
Looking forwards to the next chapter!
| tapioca two-step chapter 13 . 12/7/2009
Is English your first language? If it isn't, then you're doing a pretty fine job of practicing grammar and sentence structure. You seem to be working very hard on this story. Kudos for you. My only critiques are that you should work on your descriptions and try to take your time with writing each chapter. You've done a pretty good job of characterization; it's kind of hard to deal with so many characters at one time.
In this chapter, for instance, you could have had a pretty exciting battle between that sickeningly huge Skaarj and all of your characters. Try to describe what's happening in the battle besides "they shot at the Skaarj and it died". Still, good effort.
I'll be checking up on this story now and then. Good luck with writing it!