Reviews for Indomitable
avidnarutofan chapter 12 . 7/10
Please continue.
Ranmaleopard chapter 12 . 6/29
This is just really interesting and I can't wait to see what happens next. I eagerly await your next enjoyable chapter. Please continue
Mattroxursoul chapter 1 . 6/20
Good chapter. I agree that it is easy to make a super Naruto with what he has already. I don't mind if someone toys with the formula though. Like if someone wants to do Naruto with a bloodline I think its fine if they limit his canon abilities. If mokuton is that powerful than should avoid mass shadow clone wind enhanced rasengan. Should not give him all his base power with super eyes or something though.
rswknight chapter 12 . 4/15
THis is one of my all time fav unfinished fics. Great story, would love to see where it goes
NazgulBelserion chapter 7 . 1/28
This Naruto is smart however its so dumb how noone ever thinks hey that Edo tensei jutsu can be really fkin helpful just bring back some Seal master uzumakis and done
Guest chapter 9 . 12/19/2019
The third's INEPT, that much has been established (in a LOT of stories).. He just is, the reason for MOST of naruto's problems, is laid at his feet.. He's INCOMPETENT! Danzo isn't going to make a move against naruto, to do so is not only his death knell, it's also putting a STAKE through his dreams! Nobody gives a rat's ass about sasuke (other then sakura and maybe naruto..that's actually STATED) There is nobody that actually cares if he lives or dies (and if you make naruto NORMAL... aka NOT kishi, he doesn't either). There isn't a civilian council (THAT'S JUST STUPID on EVERY LEVEL) I dunno if all these things make the village less "dramatic" but they DO make it look a lot more SANE! Most of the time I shake my head at stories, and think "IT WOULD NEVER HAVE MADE IT THIS LONG"... Which it wouldn't. Think about it, between danzo trying to get power, the hokage supposedly having it, the councils trying to control things and the elders of all the clans trying to control them, the village would RIP ITSELF TO PIECES! No ninja would know who in the hell to "obey". It's bad writing. It's VOMITS storytelling, it just SUCKS all around. CUTE IDEA, what with "democracy" and all, but it doesn't work on a militaristic world! It ameliorates just HOW incompetent the third is... But again, it's not feasible.. He really IS that inept at his job!
Guest chapter 9 . 12/19/2019
FF STUPIDITY... A "civilian council" exists.. There is ONLY Hourinma and Koharu that's IT, that's ALL THAT EXISTS in canon. Danzo was FIRED after the uchiha thing... there is NOBODY else... 2. Hyuuga elders mean ANYTHING... Hiashi handled that in canon as well and basically told them that they mean nothing, their voices amounted to NOTHING and they didn't matter. How this gets messed up in ff when it was DONE ON SCREEN is beyond me. 3. sasuke meaning so much. While I get this can be misconstrued due to him getting the gary stu treatment, danzo sent sai TO KILL HIM... He doesn't mean jack to any character BUT naruto in canon (why is still kinda a mystery) 4. Naruto wasn't beaten/abused, just ignored all his life, if he WAS beaten/abused then the fox would have been let out and canon would be a "dark naruto" story...DUH. ALL of this is pretty "COMMON SENSE" type stuff, I dunno why so many authors have a problem with it.
Guest chapter 9 . 12/19/2019
See I never understood making naruto's enemies at home... In konoha... It makes NO SENSE at all, Everyone HAD to know minato and kushina... So the smarter ones KNOW who naruto is. (the third's line of BS is as thin as nose hair, NOBODY actually buys his garbage). So they WOULDN'T make him an enemy, it's kinda one of the problems of putting the "hidden prince" in the very city his parents were in... and making all parties involved HIGH-PROFILE... It doesn't WORK logistically.

While I commend you on getting published with amazon... You really need to work on character development and less OCS.. I mean you have a UNIVERSE of people to draw from in this tale, Canon did several DOZEN "one and done" characters that could be used... But you abandoned them for OCs..WHY? AGAIN like most ff authors your trying to breathe life into something THAT HAS NONE (other then the fights..Canon naruto FALLS APART... It was more or less a tale that HURRIED THEM TO THE FIGHTS... Without those, the story BROKE DOWN quick. Wanna know why everyone acted like a moron? BECAUSE THEY WERE.. Wanna know why NONE of their motives made sense? Because they were never supposed too.. IT WAS ALL ABOUT getting to the fights. The super powered fights were the GLUE that held it all together.. It was WHY it exists as a genre... Take the fights OUT? It really doesn't have a leg to stand on! Kinda like dbz or yu-yu hakushio. Remove the fights? The story is pretty THIN (to be generous). U build a naruto STORY that doesn't have those (or has them just as a side thought) Then you gotta build one from the GROUND UP, and forget canon all together.

Case in point.. Why is naruto loyal to the leaf? He has no real REASON to be... He seemingly KNOWS his father and mother when he meets them (the last movie even states he gets a scarf from his mom)... With NO fanfare. But the village has systematically DESTROYED his name and clan.. So why would he be loyal?

Sasuke and him are SUPPOSEDLY best friends, but WHY? Sasuke has the vocab skills of a 2 year old.. with the social skills to match, how had they EVER bonded? Not only that, but in general though out the "missions" sasuke more or less does NOTHING. Yet by shippuden were expected to believe that naruto would abandon his "dream" and all his other friends JUST to "somehow" help some idiot that doesn't want helped? (logic plot hole)

Obitedo with ONE eye, mind you, somehow in a decade became powerful enough to be the next "madara" when the clan head and ALL OF THE CLAN PUT TOGETHER couldn't even send up a SIGNAL FLARE when they were killed?

Nobody burying all these uchiha NOTICED that they were ALL MISSING THEIR EYEBALLS? That didn't send up ONE ALARM BELL? You'd THINK someone would have "noticed" that, or at least sasuke would have noticed his mom and dad didn't have EYES during the funeral!

(they would have HAD to be transplanted EARLY otherwise their just dead in BEFORE the BURIAL)This isn't even stupidity like ff writers make (councils..etc..) this is ACTUAL canon garbage that SHOULD have been addressed. And all that's just CHAPTER 1.. IT GETS WORSE the further it goes!
Guest chapter 9 . 12/3/2019
See I never understood making naruto's enemies at home... In konoha... It makes NO SENSE at all, Everyone HAD to know minato and kushina... So the smarter ones KNOW who naruto is. (the third's line of BS is as thin as nose hair, NOBODY actually buys his garbage). So they WOULDN'T make him an enemy, it's kinda one of the problems of putting the "hidden prince" in the very city his parents were in... and making all parties involved HIGH-PROFILE... It doesn't WORK logistically.

A couple of reasons in naruto canon for doing so: 1. Naruto never interacted with ANY of the clan heads, they never saw him and he never talked with ANY of them. 2. He was hardly ever in the village, 99% of the series is spent OUTSIDE of konoha. 3. The clan heads never INTERFERED WITH ANYTHING naruto was doing! (hint, hint on this one). 4. naruto was never serious or smart NOR dressed like either of them, NOW?.. You've broken all those. 4. The village's clan's authority and influence extended to the walls of konoha AND THAT'S IT. (no assassins, spies or anything else) and did NOT cover ninja duties. ANY of these things get broken, and the whole "secret" becomes kinda outdated. (not to mention, it becomes a warring place of clans not a village... AGAIN as I have said... SEVERAL TIMES, even koharu and danzo are NOT going to go along with hiashi in this one, it destabilizes the village... and for all their war-mongering, they ARE patriots first and foremost, even more important then their LIVES! In fact danzo, might see hiashi as more of a "problem" to stability and get RID of him).
Guest chapter 8 . 12/3/2019
That's always been my thing with how authors write the people of konoha... "if your that worried, then the LAST thing you should be doing, is PISSING HIM OFF!"... Every author seems to let that little bit of COMMON SENSE slip their grasps! If their all REALLY terrified of kyuubi (which all authors SEEM to use as license to do whatever to naruto and co) then they should ALSO be going out of their way to LEAVE HIM AND EVERYONE AROUND HIM ALONE! (as in NOT draw his attention)! And again Why hasn't naruto just ENDED the hyuuga clan? The village CAN'T get rid of him, that's just not logistically POSSIBLE, they NEED him more then they need the hyuuga... So just GET RID OF THEM already! They've been ENOUGH of a pain (to the readers of this if nothing else).
Guest chapter 7 . 12/3/2019
Well at least your using sasori correctly, cuz lets face it, in actual combat? The guy is a WUSS! He can be turned into a BLOOD SMEAR easily! Canon SAKURA takes this guy apart! I think the whole "going after shion" idea is KINDA DUMB (considering she's a seer, and the kyuubi could rip Moryo to pieces EASILY.) Their (the akutski) plan is SCREWED unless they are VERY subtle and sneaky, and they CAN'T DO "subtle and sneaky". More or less they were BONED the second word got out they existed.

If they were BRIGHT, they'd DISBAND publicly, then pein and the "one-eyed, wanker" would go after the jinchuriki when they had fewer "FREAKS" that stood out so bad! It puts their chances at about 1 in 10,000 but still better then they are now, with so many head-jobs that stand out for miles!
Guest chapter 7 . 12/3/2019
You either GET RID of naruto's "bad past".. OR you make sealing IMPOSSIBLE for anyone during the series.. It's a BINARY problem. EVERYONE knows it, OR NOBODY does... Kishi shot himself IN THE LEG with that one (with a shot gun) it makes NO SENSE.
Guest chapter 7 . 12/3/2019
Also I always thought it funny... SEALING is SUPPOSED to be a "LOST art", nobody knows it.. YET... The hyuuga apparently know more the just the "caged bird".. (which they shouldn't..and don't even know exactly how it works)... Jiriyia knows it, danzo knows it, tenten, kakashi, orochimaru, kabuto, sasori, pein, obedito, shion, (would you like me to GO ON?)... EVERY TIME the author is confused what to do?.. SEAL.. But that in itself MAKES NO SENSE. If EVERYONE knows em'.. Then uzu didn't need destroyed, it's NOT a "lost art" and EVERYBODY should know the difference on naruto! (you cannot "eat your cake and then still have it!")
Guest chapter 7 . 12/3/2019
You do know that canon law states.. "OROCHIMARU SUCKS AT SEALS, ALWAYS HAS".. So this entire chapter MAKES NO SENSE... Unless BOTH OF THEM (a seal "master" and naruto ALSO REALLY SUCK).. It wasn't broken in canon, because the old toad NEVER TRIED.. and it's more about JUUGO then anything orochi could EVER do.

"SOMEHOW" everyone was "SHOCKED and surprised" That orochi could do a "curse seal" on sasgay even after anko...I'm not sure WHY but they were, so it became a "NEW" thing, even though they SHOULD have had YEARS to look at it. (like I said, very BAD storytelling). Just like orochi is SUPPOSED to be a "GENIUS"?.. Well, full-frontal attack, with ABSOLUTELY no backup plan?... ISN'T THAT HARD! ANY MORON can devise that... But that's "konoha crush".
Guest chapter 7 . 11/30/2019
Good LORD, you got naruto good with that whole "NOT YET" line... I mean seriously HOW MANY THINGS are on the back-burner?! Shouldn't he start KNOCKING THEM OUT by now? And for a "seal master" and a "sealing bloodline" he sure does seem to need a FREAKISHLY long time to do ANYTHING with them! Considering he can get a couple DOZEN LIFETIMES of sealing done in under a month, Most people would be LONG DEAD before doing ANY of the sealing work... (the one thing with really LONG term sealing stuff, is that each generation has to train up to what the previous one was before even STARTING to make any headway, he doesn't have that problem, so he really shouldn't have any problems with the various seals he's up against right now... and "not yet" is getting REALLY tiresome!)
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