|Reviews for Indomitable|
| Ints chapter 12 . 3/11
So, is there hope for continuation? Or are you done with fan fiction?
| Omenglotzer chapter 12 . 2/27
Oh my Lord
This story is surprisingly good. Now, don't get me wrong, it is just that the summary is a bit shallow and the story has only 80k words. Normally I go straight for the big 200k ones.
Now there are a lot of good things but also a few 'bad things'
Good things first:
1. Your setting of skills:
A lot of people have gone the 'Shadow-Clone-army-route' before but you just managed to put a new spin to it. I generally love the concept but you do it with just the right amount of subtleness so it doesn't come across as overpowered or godlike. It is a nice skill and very usefull but retains definite boundaries.
2. The ninja cell:
That 4 man squad with Naruto as a leader is just good. Everyone has a forte and I am sure had this story gone on for a bit longer we would have seen the extent of it. At this point in the story some skill sets seem to be a little mushy but there are clearly indicated pathes drawn out already.
I also like the outfit for t he most part, the orange fire though is a bit to edgy for my taste. Sticking with orange stripes would have fitted better.
3. The development of feelings:
From Hinatas confession of sorts to Sakuras struggle, to Ankos loyalty all the way to Shions newfound devotion - everything is fleshed out and didn-'t seem lackluster or rushed. A lot of /multi or /harem writers have this one reason (oftentimes a bloodline) that makes them want Naruto and be able - no, willing - to share whereas you are contend to let it play out. To me as a reader it even appears as if there is no definite plan on final parings. It's developing along the story.
(On this note, I am really looking forward to Ino being in the mix. Not as a willing mistress but as a major competitor. Imagine the possibilities.)
4. The Suspense:
This might just be this stories biggest forte. I think it shows that you are a semi professional writer in the way you don't just reveal everything but drop hints in all the right places to further this stories addictivness. Readers will just keep reading to find out what will happen. The Suna incident even shows that anything might happen, that not all damage can be prevented.
5.I hate to admit it, but The Hyuugas:
Really I hate this forced marriage stuff. The Hyuuga-strictest/archaic-Clan cliche has driven me off of many a story. Not yours. Because although I hate it, you make it very believable. I could go to great length explaining why this is non-canonical, or why the Hyuugas wouldn't really oppose the Hokage or how even with Clan charter the village comes first and foremost - but that isn't the perimeter of your story and I have to live with what you have set to be the foundation.
I sincerly hope for Hinata to have a happy end and for some insane political plays in Konoha. Just don't go all-out civil war. That would be too over the top.
You teased us one scene and I realy really like what I've seen. Too many authors go bitchy-spoiled Sasuke or brooding-looney Sasuke (i.e. canon). It is also a great example for the suspense. I imagine that there was a deal between Sasuke and Naruto (to trick Orochimaru or to at least leech his skills/power) and that they have a plan drawn out since long ago. Would be nice. I appreciate it.
Now my powers are leaving me so let's go over some bad things:
I don't even understand what the hell you are doing. Gods and godesses, Demon lords and whatnot. It just feels like you are overcharging your story with seemingly random elements. The problem here is that Akatsuki (how are the main antagonists) seem to go second place in the story, leaving the story in a half half place.
Now I am not bashing but I just don't understand what here role is. she's a medic, now a seal-mistress (of sorts), constantly bitching a bit and generally seems out of place in the squad.
The one thing I like is her struggle between Naruto and Sasuke (and I root for the latter) and even that is growing old within the next few occurances.
3. Not a bad thing generally but for me:
The implication of Danzo. I am one of the very few who think that Danzo actually is not that bad a character. As far as I know he only took orphans into his programm and never really gone against Konoha ( in the sense of a political powerplay of sorts). I just like to think that he is the shadow figure that the other nations all but forgotten about, still guarding Konoha to the best of his abilities.
To end it a plea:
Hinting Sakura is bi, reenforcing Ino's crush on Sasuke and that little conversation between Naruto and Sasuke paint a picture of Sasuke with his miniharem (Sakure & Ino) ... Please no.
I am always rooting for more Naruto Ino and her being with either Kiba, Sasuke or Sai is oftentimes a quitter for me.
Well that's about it I think.
I hope you continue at some point, and for that event I have follow the story.
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/15
State your proof that humans came from monkeys. You won't be able to, in which case, kill yourself. Stop trying to shove your idiotic beliefs onto others.
| FicWader chapter 6 . 2/4
If you ever come back to look at this review, please answer one question.
On re-reading this fic (funny how Anko resembles Cerise), is Sakura supposed to be the descendant of the Kami and eventualy release the Kyuubi from the seal? Like in Time Braid? Judging from the fact that she has some fake background and mission there in that little monologue.
| hye1995 chapter 8 . 1/17
Dragon, huh? I thought that was the ANBU commander
| Nights Silhouette chapter 12 . 1/17
A great story to date. I hope you decide to continue it one day.
| ki gilgamesh chapter 4 . 12/11/2016
cant read this anymore this is just so pathetic it went from potential to wtf real quick
| StormMagi chapter 12 . 11/9/2016
| ImaginationAngel chapter 12 . 11/4/2016
Great chapter. So far, this has been an amazing story. I have just read it all the way up to here and am very ready for it to update again. Please don't kill Hinata, Naruto needs lots of love in his life to make up for the love he missed out on. Otherwise, I really just wanna see where this story goes. Update when you can, I am sure that the next chapter will be just as good as this one if not better.
| Kyoya hatake chapter 2 . 10/25/2016
Interesting chapter, I do wonder though, will it be naruhina?
| Lordsunshine64 chapter 12 . 9/21/2016
awesome fights, badass beauties, cool story, and more. it is always so much fun to read your stories. thanks for this, and while I know you're busy, I hope to see the rest someday.
| Cosmic chapter 12 . 9/21/2016
Where did you go?
| darklightening chapter 12 . 9/5/2016
This has been super awesome to read. I love how strong Naruto is without overkill, he makes mistakes, limit to what he can do and he doesn't know everything or can fix every major problem in an instant (re: Anko's and Hinata's seals). I like Hinata's character (I rly hope she doesn't die) and how his harem has been going thus far. I hope Sakura won't become a part of it. Can't wait to read more, keep up the good work!
| Wyrade chapter 12 . 9/2/2016
Thanks for writing this story as well! )
I enjoyed it very much, and hope you will continue it soon! :)
Or start a new one if that's what you like.
I like your writing in general. )
Anyway, I wish you all well and have a good day! :)
| keichan2 chapter 3 . 9/1/2016
“Hi, I'm Ranma, the best taijutsu specialist around” Bwahahahahahaha! (I will confess that it crossed my mind when you mentionned a pigtail, but I just though it was my twisted mind… ;-p)
After that Ryouga and Akane were not such a surprise… Say… did Naruto gave them a “bloodline”? You know: a transformation ability activated by water? (“bacon-breath” ;-p)
“canteens wasn't properly strapped down” OK! You did! :-)
“some books I summoned” Aah! I was wondering…