Reviews for Meifu's Gate ::Third Chronicle::
Mr. Someone chapter 20 . 6/1/2014
I have a question for anyone who sees this might be kind enough to reply. Are authors unable to comment on their own fics? So far I've only seen responses to comments in the form of an author's note a the end of a chapter, hence the question.
Mr. Someone chapter 20 . 6/1/2014
Jesus Christ! I have been reading this Meifu fic from the prequel on and even before I started reading I could tell you are a rather commited writer by how much you have written. Now that I have read a portion of it I can see that you are really gifted. I really love your plot turns and all the intrigue and suspense that your story provides for someone who can put things together. But b even beyond all that, I was really awe struck at the beginning of this Chapter when Juushirou talks to his mom. That really touched me '( I'm saying too much now and it's starting to get incoherent, so I'll leave the rest of my praises for future reviews. Thank you for writing such a good fic 3
Drakonflight chapter 65 . 5/29/2014
I knew it! With all the references to wind, I knew Hirata's spirit must be a wind type. In fact, I was going to write my prediction here, just so I could come back and gloat later when he did summon it, but now that's unnecessary! Anyway, I see that next book's going to have at least Shunsui and Hirata raising their blades, if not everyone else as well. It looks like fun. Too bad I have to get up early tomorrow . . . sigh, the downsides of an internship.
Drakonflight chapter 40 . 5/18/2014
I think Kyouki's name is very apt for a Shiba. They may like to have fun, but they're all a little crazy. The good kind of crazy, but still . . . firing a freaking rocket with people inside straight into the heart of Seireitei . . . you have to be more than a little crazy to do that. And I think Kyouki is based on Kukaku, at least a little.
P3PSI642 chapter 6 . 4/24/2014
I've read the prequel and second manuscript and I can say that it is, by far, the best fanfiction I've read. There is talent and finness in your style. Characters are well constructed and are developping nicely, something I do not always see, not even in published books.
I'm reading this some years after you've published it, and I consider it to be canon, even despite the differences so far.
For the zanpakuto's spirit part and how they appeared in the arc, you could say the same about Renji's zabimaru, which appeared as a baboon with a snake tail in early episode, and was humanized in the arc.
You're no more AU than the show in that regard.
Keep up with the good work, I'm finishing this story until the last bit and I'll be looking for your other's, you're definitely worth following.
Alaska.AL chapter 48 . 6/14/2013
I wonder how Urahara would feel to know that Aizen could have been reacted to him...or sonething
MerryKitten chapter 65 . 3/17/2013
This was such a wonderful marathon, the story flowed smoothly and strongly forward and it's far from over. Hah, I'm having great time with this! Thank you!
esthete-of-the-world chapter 65 . 7/22/2012
(Sorry accidentally posted)
The plot was complex and solid without being overbearing or hard to follow.
And your writing has it's own style. It's very dialogue-rich. (The only thing that really stands out to me about that is- do 19 year old boys really talk about their feelings and troubles like that? I have a 21 year old brother, and he certainly doesn't.) It's also very wordy. Not quite to the point of being long-winded or dull, but be careful about that. The last thing is that sometimes you'll use the same phrase twice too close together. I remember once Seimaru "smiled coldly" twice within a line or two, (that's just one example) and I couldn't tell you how many times someone has "slipped into shunpo". I like that imagery, just not every time.
Really sorry if that got too long. A long story deserves a long review I think. Thank you for writing, and I can't wait to read Forth Maki!
Guest chapter 65 . 7/22/2012
Since I've finally finished Third Chronicle, I guess I should leave a proper review.
I really loved it. And I'm not just saying that either. It doesn't matter that this is technically a fanfiction- to me it's as much a novel as anything in book stores. It may be based off of Bleach but this is a world all your own.
But as a fledgling writer, I'm pretty sure what you want most of all is criticism. I noticed that most of your character and plot development was done with dialogue. This isn't really a bad thing; it's just your writing style. And even with so much talking you did a good job showing and not telling, because there were ideas that came across that weren't necessarily said plainly. The other thing was that sometimes your characters were too... smart. They tend to figure out things that really shouldn't be figured out so easily. I noticed it when Juushirou was kidnapped. They literally had one girl's hazy memory and an old knife to go on, yet they pretty much figured out exactly what had happened. It was made clear when they got the ransom note who was behind it, but I think even before that they suspected Juu had been kidnapped and Seimaru had something to do with it. It wouldn't have hurt to have more doubt, is what I'm saying. If Hirata and Shunsui were a bit more unsure, a bit more doubtful as to what the situation was when they entered the Senkaimon, it might have been more exciting. That's what Keitarou was aiming for after all. He wanted to make Juushirou think that his friends wouldn't come for him, because they thought he had betrayed them. If Shunsui really did have doubts about Juushirou's disappearance then Keitarou could have used that to his advantage in terrifying ways. Mind you, his controlling Juu was scary enough. But then again, Shunsui maybe isn't the kind to question Juushirou's integrity. It's just something I noticed.
And while I'm on the topic, I think Juushirou should have tried to escape earlier. I mean, Keitarou left once or twice while Juu wasn't locked up or without his sword. He really just explored a bit, couldn't find a door, then gave up? He breaks out later with just his sword and Shikiki's power, both of which he had before. Was Keitarou's brainwashing really tricking him into not escaping?
The scariness of the villain aside, I did really like him. He's a victim of circumstance. Messed up, yes. A bit off his rocker? Maybe. But a bad person? Deep down, he really isn't. I especially liked his relationship with Juu. It's like Keitarou projected himself onto Juushirou because he too was not clan. No one had ever come for Keitarou when he was young, and so he was convinced, that no one would come for Juu either. Which of course wasn't true. (Though I think the whole "Prisoner breaks himself out of jail while his friends simultaneously break into jail to free him" thing is way overdone. What's the point of a rescue party if the prisoner doesn't need to be rescued? What's the point of breaking yourself out if a rescue party can already free you?)
Sorry if that got a bit off topic. I'm still getting better at giving criticism, and this story is so far above my level I'm not sure how much help I can really be. So enough with that, here's what I liked, in a nutshell.
The characters were deep, alive, and well thought out. In my mind I can get confused if they're cannon or not.
Gryphon icefire 98 chapter 65 . 6/9/2012
Keitatou, how is it possible to love an hate you at the same time?
esthete-of-the-world chapter 18 . 4/2/2012
Juushirou's going through sword puberty!
esthete-of-the-world chapter 16 . 4/2/2012
I really, really liked this chapter. Mitsuki's cute, Juu's clueless, and Shunsui is still amazing. Juushirou's getting better at talking to his inner fish... hooray?
Nelarun chapter 65 . 10/26/2011
The depth that your stories have is honestly wonderful to read.

This story was enthralling from beginning to end - beautifully crafted characters and wonderfully realistic scenarios!

The interactions between everyone is perfect, well written and natural.

Thanks for writing another amazing story, I'm off to read the Fourth now. _

Nela
IgNighted chapter 65 . 9/11/2011
Excellent. A powerful ending, a warm opening, and to top it off, perfect characters. This is a masterpiece. My favourite part is the camping. Fun, silly, emotional, and action packed, it proved that you could make the most of any situation.
Ebonypol chapter 65 . 8/15/2011
Thank you so much for the great read. XD. Its everything i was looking for in a ukitake/shun story. :). Thank you for writing this epic story!
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