|Reviews for Dying|
| The Meddler chapter 1 . 2/27/2011
. . . . . . . Holy cow. That is 1 of the 5 darkest things I have ever read. . . Wow.
| SEGAMew chapter 1 . 2/12/2010
This reminds me of Sonic's battle in the console wars and against his own fans... D8 So sad and tragic and I like it Q_Q
| Lord Kelvin chapter 1 . 7/15/2009
When an author does not feel his or her work, they are wasting time.
This miracle you've had was merely something that should always be present. Some authors emulate emotion with their mind, but if you cannot feel it through the text you write, it boils down to logic, and half of the brain isn't even engaged in action.
Your story was written carelessly. This depresses me. In fact, such carelessness can depress a person enough that they fail to see anything else within the upload. First impressions count, and the critic isn't your mother to sugar it up and try to see the good. This is your job. You poke the perks in our eyes.
Being more exact: I'm disappointed with the way you start your paragraphs. You have numerous lines beginning with the same words. He - The - The - The - He. Don't be blind of how you write.
As I read the ridiculous amount of self-pity in this story, I think: is this really Sonic? To me, it sounds too much like Cream. You've taken down a hero to an emotion-sucking defenceless child. Do recall that this one could well enough run somewhere warmer, unless he were intent on dying. You know, you've really missed the point. You've made him think whatever he would say out loud, not what he would really think at that moment. People wonder and feel flake when doubted. Shouldn't his idea fix wobble a tad? If not, shouldn't he act? If you want it real, make it so, but do not censor the mind. Analyse your own thoughts when you are depressed. You'll see, depression is merely on top of a pile of other things.
The context of you repeating certain tunnel words is a tad tiresome by the second half of this chapter. You could at least paraphrase the old ideas, because they were repeated quite a bit before you started adding momentum.
Good ending, though. I'm happy you came to such an imaginative conclusion. What may I suggest for the future?
Always care. You'll be felt forever.
Have a nice, abuse-free day.
| Emerald queen chapter 1 . 7/15/2009
Aw I wished Sonic accepted the man's help.
A very depressing, but very detailed story well done.
| laurexine flight chapter 1 . 7/15/2009
Wow, that is depressing...
very good, I like the way you wrote this, very touching, and it made me cry a little...
ill be making sure to read your other stories too!