|Reviews for Jai Ho|
| kenni no. 1 chapter 4 . 2/26/2011
the secret life of tenten _
| Cardplay chapter 1 . 10/24/2009
Tenten's arrogant. She's laughing at what she believes to be the 'stupidity' of her family. What gives her the audacity to judge them so severely? It's impossible to really like a character who feels they're better than the people who raised them. She needs to be humbled; knocked down a few pegs because even in spite of having the comforts Gai's provided her she sounds spoiled. Her close connection to Naruto (which is only mentioned and unexplained) seems to suggest that like him, she might as well be an orphan. This screams 'have a cry' to me. I want to shake her and tell her to get on with it. Life's not so bad, she has everything she needs and her parents argue between themselves. As far as the audience knows, Tenten has abandoned THEM.
I also find the characterisation of Hideki a little too convenient. He appears out of nowhere, informing Tenten she'll be great (not helping her arrogance) and she throws internal criticisms at her father. I find him lacking in original descriptions ('easy smile') and your writing-style too force-fed. By that I mean, you're informing the reader of possible plot developments that should be fed subtly. For example, your final paragraph, rather than explicitly saying the situation is 'win-win' and what she needs to do from this point on. It should be IMPLIED, so that the reader should need to figure it out.
I think you can tell I'm a little disappointed, but I'd like to see where this goes.
| Kaeera chapter 4 . 8/12/2009
Intriguing story so far. I like the idea of TenTen having a blood limit and learning to use it. I'm also a sucker for stories where the main character has a bad homelife and manages to overcome it all, so you definitely hit my taste with that. I'm curious where the story is leading you.
I didn't entirely understand one sentence, though, and I'm not sure whether it's because of my insuffiscient grasp of the English language or because there's something missing:
"It was one of the amusing tells her teammate had that told you he wanted to ask something you probably wouldn’t like"
I would use 'quirks' instead of 'tells', but that might just be me.
Other than that, I didn't notice any errors, and I am really enjoying it so far, especially the companionship between TenTen and Neji. Looking forward to read more.
| Shadeehue chapter 4 . 8/11/2009
This is intriguing and yes, quite dark. I am slightly confused tho, is this meant to be set in the same universe as Puppetmaster? or is it completely separate but you used a few of the same ideas again?
| nocturnal dream chapter 1 . 7/17/2009
There you are! You kind of fell off the place of Naruto fanfiction planet! I think it's nice that you doing a dark fic, since you right very well. Are you planning on updating View the Puppet Master soon?