Reviews for The Severance of Haruhi Suzumiya
mix chapter 7 . 2/9/2010
Please update! This is one of the best pieces of fanfiction I've read, which is kinda a lot, so, please don't abandon this!
superstarultra chapter 7 . 2/3/2010
I have tosay, this an EXCELLENT story (though, you've probably aready heard that atleast 75 other times, huh?).

I read through all your chapters in a couple of hours in a small marathon and you've gotten me hooked. Everyone is acting in charcter and the additions you've made to the foggy novel nine characters make it all the better. I hope you update the next chapter soon because the suspense of this chapter's end is killing me. I'd write a longer review, but I just don't know what else I could say to express my fondness for this story. It's really, REALLY good. It's fics like these that make me want to start writing my serious projects.

You have earned yourself a reader, my friend.
Robert Varulfur chapter 7 . 12/31/2009
There is no more complicated stories than one which involves time travel! This story is great so far, and I seriously hope you get to writing, and posting as soon as you can. I do so wonder how it is Kyon's going to fix this one.

Oh, and were the parts of your story in italics from one of the original Suzumiya Light Novels?
JonBob0008 chapter 7 . 12/31/2009
As to put your fears aside, I am reviewing now. As expected, it was another great chapter overall, but I do bring one bit of criticism. I'll come to that in a moment.

As always, your show a ton of bravery by using a lot of creative freedom in the story. The used of futuristic technology in this chapter seemed to be strangely plausible in the canon, even if it isn't official. And your characterization of Fujiwara is impressive, given how reletively little source material there was to work with for his character. I'm also impressed with the direction you took with the older Asahina-san. It still feels like it could be canon. Very good work.

Now for the criticism. There is one thing that bothers me about the conclusion of your redition of the tenth novel. I fail to understand how the events of the "tenth novel" would have lead Kyon to go out with Haruhi. If anything, it seemed a better set-up for a Kyon/Nagato ship. I don't think you did a very good job convincing the reader that these events would be what Kyon needed to finally ask Haruhi out. There was something missing.

It played out something like this:

Kyon: "Oh Nagato! I'm so happy that you're not going to die! You had me so worried! I'm so relieved!"

Nagato: "Me too..."

Kyon: "Seeing you like this. Almost losing you. It made me realize how very precious you were to me. The last thing I wanted was to lose you. This event has made me realize something."

Nagato: (hiding her eagerness) "What is that?"

Kyon: "I can no longer deny my feelings. I've waited too long to do this. From this moment on, I'm going to do what I should've done a long time ago!"

Nagato: (Barely containing her joy) "Yes?"

Kyon: "I'M GOING TO ASK OUT HARUHI!"

Nagato: "Wait...WHAT?"

You see what I mean? I just don't see how the previous events would lead Kyon to asker Haruhi out. It doesn't make sense to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a rabid Kyon/Haruhi shipper, but I feel the conclusion to the "tenth novel" should have had a scene in it that would make it clear to Kyon that he wanted her. I felt this chapter lacked that.

I hope that point didn't sting too bad, but it had to be said. I still eagerly await the remaining chapters, and you can best that I'll be reviewing. Until then, happy writing!
leonazo chapter 7 . 12/30/2009
Kay, Kay I'm here.

Well, yes. I've read the chapter a long ago but didn't felt like reviewing that time. Yet, I guess it is important to do it, so I'm doing it right now :) .

First of all, I liked it. I won't tell it was the "BEST CHAPTER EVER" but it was quite good. In fact, I think you worked a lot with this one.

Now, about characters. Well, I think you are getting Kyon OK. He's not perfect (I'll add a little bit more sarcasm, and a little less love-sickness) but I guess that he's like that because of all what's been happening.

However, I can say I like Fujiwara. See, he stopped being the smiling-bastard. You know, that cool guy who's cold and evil. Now he's more like Kyon's new friend and I think it does not suit him. Don't get me wrong, I'm just giving my opinion here.

So... GeneralitiesDone, CharactersDone, PlotNot yet.

Yeah the Plot keeps being excellent. The problem was that with the long wait I've forgotten what have happened... but I read the previous chapter and was right in the way again. I think you are doing a great job, keep working on it.

I think that's all. Good luck! Keep up the good work!

Leone
Broken Kilter Express chapter 7 . 12/30/2009
I'm surprised you wanted my opinion, but I guess as the first reviwer thats what does it.

On a technical basis, you do have some spelling mistakes(Immanent in the first third) and the characterization of fujiwara comes off as a bit forced. I would correct the spelling stuff, but don't bother changing the way you wrote fujiwara, as its probably the way you see him.

You actually made it work. I thought it was going to be a dead end, but you made it work. The twists for this chapter rectify the twists in the last one by giving us a newer direction that others would not have.

In other words, you gave us angry Asahina-Big. Thats just dandy, man.

And I look forward to your next chapter.
uzukun7 chapter 7 . 12/28/2009
wow what a traitor mikuru turned out to be. i know shes doing the right thing for the people involved in the future, but she completely betrayed the sos brigade. she didnt feel in heree heart that they were her friends, even after all they went through. she can say all she wants about how her place is in the future, but the problem is that as soon as she made a single connection to a person in this time period, she became a part of this period as well. so for her to say that she did not belong in the "past" is a wrong statement. shes part of the sos brigade for better or worse. haruhi loved her in her own way, and kyon valued her as part of the group. i also find it interesting that the real reason for mikuru (big) to decide that mikuru (small) had to leave the time plane turned out to be because she was trying to teach haruhi a lesson. i dont believe for a second she was doing it for the future's sake, she just wanted some revenge on haruhi for making her into a dress up doll, when she was too weak to fight against her in the past.

i thought the conclusion to your version of "novel 10" was executed wonderfully. it ties in his devotion to yuki, haruhi, and to a lesser extent the rest of the sos brigade, his willingness to do what he can to save the day, and the eureka moment when he realized that he was failing to see the bigger picture this entire time. i cant wait to see what happens in thee next chapter im sure it will be great. laterz
mafalda157 chapter 7 . 12/27/2009
Holy crap, this is without a doubt one of the best action fics I've read! Your style is so true to Tanigawa's, it honestly felt like reading a genuine light novel. (Except I like your version better, if only because Kyon is a lot less oblivious about his feelings for Haruhi. Yes, I am that shallow. :P) And since it looks like the sun will explode before we get a tenth novel, I'll just go ahead and consider your fic canon. ;)

You really have an excellent grip on the characterizations, and Kyon's noice is spot on. You've actually made me like Sasaki, and Fujiwara has gained many levels of awesomeness in my book. And older Asahina... damn! She makes a very interesting "vilain", if I can call her that.

I don't have much to say about this specific chapter, except that it had me at the edge of my seat the whole time, and that I'm glad Kyon didn't go through with it in the end. (Though I couldn't help but think that all of Kyon's problems would have disappeared if after everything was done he went after little Haruhi and said "By the way kid, I'm gay, so don't get any ideas." :P Haha, joking...)

So anyway, can't wait for the next chapter! Please update soon. :)
AnalogousParadox chapter 7 . 12/23/2009
Such an interesting concept. Although Haruhi really has me confused with all the break-up-make-up thing. Talk about fickle minds! Then again, she truly is Suzumiya-san.

Along with others, I cannot wait for the next chapter. I will be waiting for the next one.
Dracobolt chapter 7 . 12/21/2009
Great chapter. I liked how you handled the interaction between Kyon and Fujiwara. Even though they're working together, there's still enough antagonism between the two for me to buy it. And the way you write the older Mikuru, pretty intense, man. The scene where she says that Haruhi wasn't her friend, that's, well, intense. I mean, we're never clear about how Mikuru actually feels about anything in the light novels, not really, since there's doubt about whether she's acting or not, and this is a great illustration of one possible way that things could turn out. So, yeah, besides all that, the writing quality in general is just super. This fic is great and deserves more reviews than it has. I'm gonna have to go tell all my friends about it. Great story, and good luck with writing and everything. Can't wait to see how everything turns out.
HarimaHige chapter 7 . 12/20/2009
nice chapter. im glad that kyon didnt kill john smith.
Arty d'Arc chapter 7 . 12/19/2009
It's so worth the wait though. I can easily see how this chapter can take a long time to write. There are a lot of little nuances.

Can't wait to get the next one!
Brendan Rizzo chapter 7 . 12/18/2009
Nice. I always thought the time travelers were tragic characters.
Kirino chapter 7 . 12/18/2009
Not much to say except that it was definitely worth the wait. Good job!
Another Duck chapter 7 . 12/17/2009
Don't worry about the time, as long as it actually gets finished. That's the most important part. It took me a while to remember which of all thousands of fics I've read this was, but the story still flowed well, and everything came back with time.

At the end, I'm not sure Asahina actually knew what Kyon had, or rather hadn't done, but considering he decided to let things be, isn't that what she wanted in the first place? Not that things aren't going to be antsy between them anyway.

The only thing that's missing is Haruhi. It's always better if she's around more, in my opinion, though the plot is as the plot is, which means she isn't in it all the time. As long as it isn't too much orbiting around her without actually touching ground once in a while.

The flashback was nice, though. Described a little more what happened before, which had holes in it.
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