|Reviews for Tomodachi|
| Inita chapter 1 . 11/24/2009
A nice, simple, beginning. You seem to like the friendship between Shu and Jiro...don't worry, I do too.
I love Blue Dragon Plus, but in the beginning, the two somewhat get in a fight. Here, I'll spoil it for ya. After all, I did give you a decent paragraph about Plus a while back: Shu drives the Land Shark into the cube where the Cortex is located, but Jiro tries to persuade him to find another way in. Knowing Shu, he rams the machine into the wall, and, thankfully, it makes an entrance. When everyone gets off, Jiro tells Shu that they need to think of the "what ifs", but Shu points out that they won't get anywhere if they think through all the time. As a result, Jiro gets mad and scolds Shu like a little kid, until Kluke comes in and breaks up the fight.
Wow. That brings back memories. Sucks a bit seeing how I deleted the file where I beat the game on. (*sigh*)
Sidetracked, again! Back to the real review: You managed to get everyone in character, imagery was good, and the part at the end...spikes up my curiosity about this story. Hmph. This Kyouya guy seems nice to get to know. What a bully, pushing around Jiro like that.
Once again, nice start, and update soon.
| KaruTaku chapter 1 . 8/22/2009
Mm Okay. Time for a bit of critique. O:
-A lot of the sudden italic thoughts were confusing. They DO add suspense, but it's slightly overdoing it. Don't take it out, but somehow edit or meld it in better.
-A bit slow, but I'm a shonen hack-and-slash lover. Might just be my problem. I'm not very good at sentimental things.
The beginning was very, very eye-catching. Which is, of course, one of the most important things. So two pluses here
Characters are well-defined and the interface is good.
I don't see why you're having writer's block. Just keep plugging forward. Built it on your character relations and character defining. Those are definite strengths and seem to be a strong addition to this story.
| Random Reviewer chapter 1 . 8/2/2009
Forgot to mention this, but you were wondering about Plus? I'll tell you a few things on it: There's another ancient like Nene named Himiko (though I think you might know that already) and Nene actually assists Shu and co, thus making him a protagonist. Nene and Himiko are both in love and you'll finally realize why Nene made people suffer in the game before Plus. Two of Marumaro's brothers and sisters, Marutora and Marumira are playable and have their own Shadow. Marumira has Cerebus and Marutora has Kracken. Sahlia has a Shadow now; Cat Genie. For a heads up, Mecha Robots are the antagonists of the game and they all have Shadows of the protagonists only red like Nene's Chimera in the anime and Blue Dragon. Just in case you were to add Mecha Robots in the story. King Jibral's Shadow is Qilin so make sure he fights back with Qilin when Nene attacks the kingdom. ;) The capsule you've been seeing Nene and Himiko in (if you've seen any previews on Youtube or images) are used for something called "Frozen Sleep". Nene was put into Frozen Sleep due to that disease he had in the first game. You know...how he looked really old. I think he mentions the sickness in the first one, but I can't remember.
Half of this you probably already knew, but you can never give too much information. ;) Hope you don't mind if I reviewed in two seperate parts. That's all the info I can give to you on Plus right now. I'm still working to beat the game. Hope I was able to clear up some of your confusion on Plus. Looking forward to teh next chapter.
Oh, about your "couple questions" on your Tomodachi summary, I think you should pair Shu up with Sahlia (or Bouquet) and pair Jiro up with Kluke. That's just me though. What will you do?
| Random Reviewer chapter 1 . 8/1/2009
This is really good. Probably because Jiro's my favorite character in Blue Dragon. (sweat drop) You shouldn't be disappointed in this chapter. I thought it went really well. I'm guessing some of the anime characters I can guess Jiro's gonna meet are: Logi, (or is it Rogi?) Delphinium, Bouquet, and Andropov. I don't know much about the anime and all...I mostly play the game...rarely watch the anime. The character from the game...hmm...maybe Sahlia? Oh well. Looking forward to your next chapter and i hope you don't mind anonymous reviews.
| hungergamesrpg chapter 1 . 7/21/2009
I told you that I liked the first sentence's format. It's clever, lol.
- Right before the second movement, the sentence w/regular font and then italics was kind of weird.
- Second movement, the "honey" part should be in parentheses, I think.
- 2nd movement, 4th paragraph, the "Shu and him" part. Dude, our math place would be ashamed even though the "Congrats to Freshman Eng H" thing has a grammar mistake too. P
- "Moments later, a letter flew with the eagles toward King Jibral’s castle." For SAT's sake (not that I care P).
- 3rd movement Pathetique, somewhere along the line, was a parentheses problem (the thing didn't close in like one paragraph)
I'm not gonna Grammar Nazi you right now because I have to do my webquest (rawr) so I'll just give you a quick summary. I love the format as it was very original (and went along with your piano pieces! Wasn't I required to mention that?) so...yup. Life would be happier if I knew these people as well as you did, but at least I have a main idea of who's who and what's what and stuff like that. Writing/diction/stuff is very nice too, btw, as always..
I think that's it. Yeah, I think that's it.
-Your unofficial fish/bff esp in math when we (by this I mean "I") act extremely immature
| Wind Paradox chapter 1 . 7/20/2009
Aw, poor Jiro! I hope he will be okay!
Great Chapter and thank you for reviewing!:D
| Yamadori chapter 1 . 7/20/2009
... AH! IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! (Jiro: My ears...) ... *scratches head sheepishly* Sorry, An; I couldn't help it. Don't worry, it's not that overdue... Besides, I'm so happy to see it, I don't care how long it's been. :D Ah, I almost remember who it is, but I know I'll embarrass myself if I guess... Ah, I-I'm so embarrassed, but... Th-thank you for the dedication. :) Oh, that reminds me... I read this in one of your review replies, but I forgot to ask: What's a glomp? I should probably know, but... As long as I know what it is, I don't mind you giving me one. _ Anyway, I guess I should get down to the real review now... The detail and delivery of everything in this chapter was just outstanding... It's one of the most incredible stories, let alone fan fiction, that I've ever read. I wonder what happened, that made Jiro hate himself so much... I think I might know, but I want to wait and see the upcoming chapters before I speculate too much about it. Excellent work with Kyouya, again - you're doing a fantastic job developing his character. :D I think I know what it is that's making him such a bully now... Great job portraying Jiro's parents, and how worried they are about him. Cake incident? I wonder if that's what I think it is... *embarrassed flush* (Jiro: So very, very easy to fluster...) Jiro's thoughts while he opened the letter were just so... Jiro-ish. XD (Jiro: Ugh!) I thought the letter was very in-character of Zola; I could just visualize her sitting down and writing it, with Marumaro boredly wandering around in the background and trying to peer over her shoulder. But, heading off to Jibral like that... *sigh* Oh, Jiro, what in the world happened to you? (Jiro: *groans*) When Jiro said goodbye to his parents... Wow. Incredible, well-written... You portrayed everything down to the smallest emotion, and you did it flawlessly... *sound of annoyance* You've definitely awoken my sympathy for Kyouya, but I'm still mad at him for upsetting Jiro. XP (Jiro: ... Do you know that you're a very fickle person?) (I know. XD) And when Shu found out about Jiro leaving... Another amazing conveyance of feelings; my chest started getting tight just reading it (suppose that's what I get for loving their brotherly bond so much). (Jiro: Says the person who "doesn't cry"...) (Doesn't USUALLY, Jiro dear. Doesn't usually.) Ah, please try to get some rest! No, no - I thought the writing, grammar and characterization were superb! :D Ooh, I know what it's like to struggle with a story. XP Hang in there - just keep working away at it, even if it's only a little bit at a time, and you'll get through it. :) And I must agree - with that extraordinary latest chapter, Kaleidoscope is definitely going nicely. :D Six familiar faces... Well, my first guess would have to be Bouquet. I'm not sure about the other six, though... Konrad, maybe?... Well, whoever they may be, I'm really looking forward to seeing what their game personalities will be like. _ I'm probably wrong, but my guess for the game person is Sahlia. And An... I'm so sorry it took me this long to review. I've been short on time lately... Anyway, fantastic job! I'm really looking forward to the next chapter! :D
| Kasumi Kusanagi chapter 1 . 7/18/2009
Woah, that was so COOL! :D A-And one of the people you dedicated this to was me.. (Jiro: Oh no, I think she's gonna...!) *faints* (Jiro:...faint.) *wakes up* Sorry. Man, Kyoya is such a meanie. (Jiro: Wow, THAT'S your best insult?) (No...) Oh, and when he kicked Jiro in the face, he crossed the line there. *picks up a pitchfork* hm, I wonder what Jiro is going to find interesting in Jibral? Poor Shu, I knew he'd find out sooner or later. I bet Kyoya told him about Jiro just to spite him. *sets pitchfork on fire* If it was the anime Jiro that Kyoya was messing with, he'd be mortally wounded in seconds. Well, with all said and done, I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Oh and about who Jiro's going to meet in Jibral, I couldn't hazard a guess, but I think one of them is Bouquet. (Yay! Bouquet!) (Jiro: I thought you said that you couldn't hazard a guess?) (I lied.) Well, keep up the rockin work, I'll be sure to check out more of your stories.