|Reviews for Rainy Day's blues|
| Winnie C. Hedgehog chapter 1 . 6/22/2010
I like your song, it sounds like a haunting power ballad. The imagery of Sonic's eyes in the rain is enticing.
"I try to remember your eyes (your deep green eyes)
as the rain's running on my face
You see, I wanted a place in your heart (open your heart)
But your heart told me that there was no space"
I also like the wordplay on the word "blue" between Sonic's flashy nickname and Amy's feelings of dejection.
R: But I love you, Blue Blur
(But here I go walking on my own)
Yes, I'm feeling blue
(as the rain keeps falling down)
Swaying to the music,
Winnie C. Hedgehog
| Speedy1236 chapter 1 . 9/2/2009
Impressive. For a moment I could feel the music, a soft stroke on a quieting guitar to a quieting voice breathing the last verses. Wonderful.
Tell me if you ever make this a real song, while I read I felt it could be a bit like one of my favorite ballads ("The Misery" by "Sonata Arctica" just so you know). Different context but resembling the mood.
| Lord Kelvin chapter 1 . 7/19/2009
You know, this one could work if you were able to do some MIDI for it. This way, we would be able to do a karaoke. Yes, not a very high-end one, but still, it would be a different experience.
'R: But I love you, Blue Blur
(But here I go walking on my own)'
This part amazed me. For a moment, I could catch the music. Though, it went down when you said the low word. Two verses lower.
'I walk across the lonesome road
feeling numb and cold-I know'
Reminds me of Green Day's Poprocks & Coke in the end.
You're actually very lucky that this is a song. I see many lyrics that are good, yet obey not even one rule of proper poetry (never shall I recognise oval-shaped poems that go 'I aye the eye. I eye the I, why?' in an increasingly dumb fashion). Then again, I read philosophy and know some professional criticism for lyrics.
I love poetry, but, for some reason, my reviews jolt authors to move over to prose. Can't imagine why.
If I were you, I'd make myself a challenge: stop depending on simple common words. Everyone loves the fact do, you, too and others exist. Though, my peeves are 'this' and 'that' with 'here' and 'there'.
The song/poem is oddly-shaped. You were trying to make an aesthetic. I can see that. But later you either gave up on that or just found a better way to express the music. My suspicions are leaning towards the first. There is this sneaky problem of poetry writers: their ideas run out near the end, and they need a cork to ready the bottle for a sell. Often, it's one cheap cap that ruins the drink inside. I won't be explicit this once. Read the 'story' from top to bottom and rate yourself on common sense with every stanza. The beginning is art, you are decisive. Then you become expressive. Your ending, however, is a total failure. Multiple images stream together into nonsense and it's choc-full of information.
Yes there are songs that want to be 'overdone' with informing, but I tend to hate them. Even a chaotic tune requires hidden order. When an orderly melody loses it, the effects are far more...obvious.
I don't see such submissions often, so that should get you a bonus. You know, it would make me smile if someone used this in a songfic. It would probably be the first ever legal song fiction on this site.
They say a well-edited novel is an aphorism. In this respect, poetry is the closest.
Have a nice, abuse-free day.