|Reviews for An Invisible Touch|
| Agent-G chapter 3 . 8/30/2009
Well there was one problem it's this line at the start "The blond-haired Genin tailed to the shops" tailed to the shops? I'm not even sure what word was supposed to be used instead of tailed to be honest.
Also up until the part where Anko and Gai meet the story is kind of written pretty robotically. If you read it out loud it should sound a bit odd. But after that short bit things get a nice flow after it. I also thought that Gai and lee were in the same scene with Anko at first, I didn't know you suddenly switched to another scene and then back again. Maybe started off with Gai and Lee, then switch to Anko and move into when they meet might have worked a bit better for a nice flow.
I was surprised that Tsunade didn't notice that was Jiraiya's voice as he seemed to remember hers pretty fast. Maybe if you had wrote that he was altering the pitch or something of his voice making it deeper or something to not being caught would explain that. But I did like how things played out with the Anko scene with Lee and Gai and later on after that.
And it was fairly funny as well so I can't wait to see how things go next chapter with how Naruto appologies to Hinata.
| aspiringsupervillin chapter 2 . 8/16/2009
its a good plot
| Agent-G chapter 2 . 8/16/2009
huh, I'm surprised that no one else is bothering to review that's odd, especially if the story is on the alert list. Although bascially it's a decent plot it does seem to be fairly rushed. You don't seem to take your time with your writing for some reason, at moments you do but then you just rush through a scene.
I really think you need to learn how to take your time while writing. Don't be afraid to expand on scenes. Like the final two scenes were really rushed.
| aspiringsupervillin chapter 1 . 8/16/2009
kiba and naruto are going to fight to the death becouse of this p.s. you can't control who you fall for if you could things would be easyer but a lot less magical
| Agent-G chapter 1 . 7/21/2009
Well that wasn't too bad of an opening, the ending was a nice humerous way to end things off. Over all it was pretty decent, you had to built things up a bit here and there but you had to start somewhere.
Although I don't think Shino would go to hot springs, as his bugs wouldn't like any type of water. And will the next chapter have the boys running to see what all the commotion was about? given there is no way the men's side didn't hear everything. For awhile there I thought you also took away all the other females in the baths.
I mean it has Jiraiya looking at women but none were ever mentioned until the end when all those other women just showed up out of nowhere. For awhile there I thought Hinata and Kurenai were actually alone in the springs. You got to be mindful of the scene and what's in it, you can't forget what is around a character.
A couple of points, Hinata's stutter, only make the first word stutter not more than one in her speach as it doesn't look right or sound right if you read it off. Usually she only stutters when she starts talking.
Maybe change the word 'In love' with Kiba's flashback scene, you don't want him to be totally in love with the girl right off the bat in the first chapter do you? That would seem like rushing things and that there should have been more build up in the story for it. I think you just used too powerful a word to describe things.
Was Jiraiya lying to Naruto when he said 'there’s that cute short-haired girl you like.' because he knows which girl Naruto likes as he saw him trying to kiss Sakura before he pushed him off that cliff. I think the line "Look there's that short haired girl I think you know' sounds much better and much easier for Naruto to mistaken that for Sakura as she had short hair at that point in time.