|Reviews for Heart's Pain|
| The Grand Dragon of Light chapter 10 . 12/9
Before anything else, I ask in advance that you please forgive me for what I'm about to write;
I loved this fanfic so much! I really enjoy stories where Darien mucks everything up, either by breaking up with Serena over something as stupid as dreams or sleeping with another woman (more than occasionally Raye) and when Serena moves on he can't take it. I can count on one hand the number of good fics I've read where Serena sticks to her guns and says 'see ya later!' and up until Chapter 10/11 I wanted to believe I could put this on that short list ... sadly I can't.
What I really enjoyed was the realism: Darien tells Serena what he did and Serena (rightfully) gets pissed and leaves, reinventing herself as a stronger individual who won't be hurt again.
There are a few big plot points that I scratch my head at, like for beginners, seeing Serena as the competent businesswoman you made her into I wonder 'even if it is Andrew asking, why would Serena sign without meeting the other partner?' I know she would have trusted Andrew but I still think she would have wanted to meet the third person in this deal first. It's an important part of the plot that was needed to set up Darien's re-entry but still this kinda bothers me.
Secondly: I'm just gonna say it: Darien was one roller coaster throughout this whole thing. Starting off as 'yes I broke her heart, I just want to wipe the slate clean and start over' then going to 'even though I have no right to be cos I was unfaithful with her friend, I am still pissed because she slept with other men' then finally 'I know you can never forgive me but PLEASE give me a chance to prove I can be true' ... my head is spinning from this baka alone hehe!
Thirdly: The whole 'Diamond is really a villain so Darien can Serena from him so they can live happy ever after (until the next affair)' irked me badly. I liked Serena and Diamond's dynamic, he saw her as and treated her like a woman with her own mind, both physically and emotionally. For him to be the bad guy so the cheating ex-lover really stung.
So yeah ... I'm gonna pretend everything from Chapters 11 onward never happened!
But please know, these previous points aside, that I really enjoyed your writing, it actually made me hate Darien more than I already do and cheer when Serena told him where to go!
I'm just sad he got a free-pass for his bad behaviour when, as far as I know, the whole '1000 year love destiny' crap doesn't appear to apply and the cast are all just human and each flawed in their own way.
So yes, I really enjoyed the first half of this story but will avoid the second half like the Sailor Moon R break-up arc!
Thank you for a really well-written story and hoping to see you again on FanFiction in the future (maybe with a fic where Serena actually finds real love with another viable male when Darien screws up again?)
| SerenityMorrison chapter 19 . 7/6
Please update. You left it at such a great part I want to know what happens next
| Ascender chapter 19 . 5/16
Please update! Really want to know what happens next
| Guest chapter 19 . 4/20
Is this the end. At least 1 more chapter
| WeirdRaptor chapter 3 . 4/18
Wait, so Darien though Serena needs to change to suit HIS tastes back when they first dated, instead of just accepting the woman he supposed loves for who she is. that's not love.
| Guest chapter 19 . 3/27
I love it! I love it! I love it!
This was one AWESOME story, so awesome that I couldn't put it down!
It was very well written and funny as heck.
I wish Serena hadn't slept with Diamond and I felt Raye had suffered enough but I liked the way you handled it. I was hoping that after she came out to see Serena in LA, Serena would have just been a little bit warmer but dang you really made Raye's guilt eat away at her. Your description of her made me cringe-and that my dear is the sign of an exceptional writer. Bra vo!
I am giving you a standing ovation.
| Guest chapter 19 . 11/7/2016
Will there be more. Like a wedding or somthing or a wam bam thank you mam baby
| Guest chapter 11 . 11/7/2016
Pick diamond please he been nothing but nice. Darien treats serena like property
| Guest chapter 4 . 11/7/2016
What an arse dont forgive him. Go to diamond after what he said to you go to diamond screw darien
| Guest chapter 8 . 6/28/2016
I'm really pissed! Not only did he COMPLETELY break her with SEVERAL betrayals back then, but now he freaking FORCES HIMSELF BACK INTO HER LIFE EVEN IF SHE DOESN'T WANT HIM IN IT, THEN HAS THE BALLS TO INSULT HER?!
Everything he said in this chapter is bullshit! He had no intention of getting back together with her in earlier chapter, he still unconsciously insulted her in his mind. He basically wants her now because she's hot & less childish... if she were the kind-hearted/not scorned woman who doesn't constantly dress like a tight ass, then he wouldn't want anything to do with her again! She had to completely change to be good enough for him!
Also, he used to talk back then about wanting a family/getting married with/to her, yet he didn't have se with her, viewed her as a younger sis and cheated on her for months! Ohhh mennn GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
I must keep reading! LOL can't you tell I'm utterly consumed with this story?! I RECOMMEND IT TO EVERYONE!
| Lune chapter 1 . 6/23/2016
I want to love this story, I really do. But I just feel like the progression wasn't natural for any of the characters. I read this story at least a dozen times, trying to understand what lessons you wished to impart, but honestly, it fell short. You couldn't convince me that Serena was a strong and independent woman. She came off as bitter and vindictive, which is sad because the events that were meant to transform her into a woman of real strength only seemed to cast her in a bad light and was an inch close to making Darien the good guy.
For his part, Darien's manipulation of Serena's emotions did not feel like they were coming from a good place. He clearly was not letting Serena make her own decisions as to when she should call the girls and make up with them. That scene where he insisted she call Amy was really not in good taste, especially since it was done on a dare. If Darien really understood how badly his actions fucked things up, he would be treading lightly. Five years of pining after her from afar and feeling guilty is not a reason enough for him to invade her space in any way and dictate her like that. I didn't even know if he had looked for her until you casually dropped that tidbit in by Chapter 13, instead of using it properly to develop his character. In all the chapters leading up to that, Darien just sounded like an ex who had barely acknowledged how badly he hurt his girfriend, but moved on with his life while occasionally pondering "what ifs". And to try insisting to Serena that she most probably missed the girl she used to be when he was the reason for her anger and humiliation was a low blow on his part, kind of like the morning after buyer's remorse. All of his insistence that he "knew" her and how unhappy she truly was...it just felt like he was saying whatever he could to get her in bed, even if she had moved on with someone else.
And I'm truly sorry, but Diamond was too one-dimensional and it seems you focused too much on telling your readers that he had no other real purpose there than to be the villain that drives a wedge between the two star-crossed lovers. As much as you say this story is about forgiveness in all its forms, it was lacking in proper development. I hope that you explore this story a little bit more because it has potential to be even better, if you take more time with each character and explore their motivations thoroughly.
| Guest chapter 11 . 6/22/2016
Oh my gosh! I can't stand how pushy and stalkerish Darien is! Why can't he just leave her alone? I hate Darien so much. I hate Serena too, but oh geez...They are insufferable together, but they are worse apart! Why do they have to get back together? I can't even finish reading this story. I want go slap them both so badly. Too bad they aren't real!
| jaslena chapter 19 . 2/25/2016
\o/... super love love it...
does this meant the story coming to an end... hope there is a wedding babies...
| longbooks chapter 19 . 12/14/2015
Happy wedding's day!
Thank goodness u finally come back!
Love ur story,keep refreshing!
| Serenity312 chapter 19 . 12/7/2015
Love this story, so emotional. Absolutely fantastic, I really enjoyed reading it :)