Reviews for The Barefoot King
Queen Lua chapter 2 . 1/14/2013
I am a massive sucker for prequel/backstory stuff, so I hope you don't mind me coming in blather over this older piece. I couldn't resist :P

The Pink Lady scene was really great; perhaps my favorite part of the piece so far. It was hugely suspenseful in a "oh god what is he going to do how is this going to turn out Pelleas please don't embarrass yourself" sort of way and I felt like his interactions with Felicia were revealing on many levels.

...and the second part leads in pretty well to his "how do I magic" hunt, which is lovely. One of the big questions with Pelleas I've generally had is "how did a poor runty squishy kid survive on the streets long enough to become king" and I love that we're getting to observe that—him driven by despair to go seek out the library, stumbling through some close encounters due to dumb luck, and finally his own desperation and ignorance pulling him into the spirit charming thin. It's a great transformation to watch.

And the beginning of chapter two, when he's grieving Illumina most intensely—there's some raw stuff there. Singing "Little Old May," which reminded him of Illumina (which he hadn't minded singing before so long as it was just them), until he can't anymore—ouch. And "I don't want *these* lessons"—that felt very authentically young-person-grieving as well.

The dialect is cool, well-done, and effective. Props to you for pulling it off.

Anyway. Based on the "laste updated" date, I doubt this will be continuing anytime soon, but I'll follow just in case :P and I enjoyed what's here now; thanks for sharing!
Zilver A. Hawk chapter 1 . 12/31/2012
I remember reading this a long time ago. And it wrenched my heart right out of my chest. It's one of the most beautiful written fanfics I've read in a long time. I feel like the good people at Nintendo couldn't have come up with a better past for Pelleas. He's by far one of my favorite characters, and he deserves even better fanfics.

I can't even begin to tell you what I like about this. The story is well thought out. The descriptions put you right into things, and it fits Pelleas so well. I'm hoping for more. I'm not sure if you'll update it, but if you do, I'll be one happy camper.

Zilver A. Hawk
Raphiael chapter 2 . 6/23/2011
"Higgins Armoury". Awwwwww yeeeeeah.

Ahem. Anyway. I absolutely love the way you describe Nevassa, and the library, and Pelleas' reactions to all of it. Actually your descriptions overall are awesome, and the worldbuilding you've done for Daein makes the story really satisfying. Really enjoying the subtle tie-ins of other characters and everything, as well.

The charming sequence was especially intense, and I love how you tied it in with superstitions and such Pelleas had grown up with.

There are a couple of grammatical quirks - [A beautiful woman stood in the center of the troupe and sung] should be "sang", rather than "sung", for example, but otherwise, really awesome stuff.
Lemurian-Girl chapter 2 . 5/28/2011
Good follow-up. I still love the way you've constructed your scenes. Despite Pelleas being the focus of the piece, when characters do pop in, no matter how briefly, they seem like people, not stock characters. I really enjoyed the end too; that sort of in-depth approach to the esoteric is something I like to see in fantasy. I think you did it well.

May I suggest less-decorated attribution of your dialogue? "Said" or "Asked" is appropriate in most situations; even something like "muttered" or "repeated", if used too often, loses its effect and draws away from the dialogue in the long run. If you keep them simple and concise, those moments when do you introduce a decorated attribution, they'll have more of an impact. (But that's the only suggestion I have.)

Great job! :D
Lemurian-Girl chapter 1 . 5/28/2011
Wow. What an extremely immersive tale. It's complex yet it nimbly follows along. I felt the beginning was a bit rough, but it just starts to build and build upon itself until it ends at just the right point. The descriptions here are terrific. They are natural and flow just right, and they add so much to the atmosphere of this piece.

"His ears and the back of his neck flushed hot and he wished he could disappear, maybe melt into the dirt until he was thick-gooey-Pelleas, a liquid hiding under the surface of the road." I loved this description in particular.

Great job!
Gunlord500 chapter 2 . 5/21/2011
Aite writer-kun, Gunlord here at your request 8) And now that I've played Radiant Dawn, I can give ya some more in-depth goodness of the type ya deserve!

You do a really good job of portraying Pelleas' helplessness and insecurity, as well as depicting why he would have behaved the way he did in Radiant Dawn. If I ever replay that game (I might in a coupla days) I think this fic will provide me with a lot of insight into the man's character, so that is definitely a mad compliment, my friend! :D You also do a great job of portraying Ashnard's madness with some of your descriptions of his shenanigans. u_u

Another thing you do really well is creating a tangible sense of...atmosphere, I guess the right word would be. The descriptions of Nevassa, of what he heard Crimea, are really great and really "put me into the world," so to speak, as a reader. I also liked your description of Spirit Dust. XD XD XD

The scene with "Pelleas' hero" was fantastic! Awesome fight scene, and you know I'm all about that. 8) Also, hmm...pardon my ignorance, but I *think* Pelleas' hero was Nolan? Cause of the goatee and stuff? I might be wrong tho ;_;

The very end, with the spirit pact and everything, was also great. Fantastic work, brother.

So yeah, in summation: Awesome, awesome stuff. Thanks for writing this and lettin me read it, my friend! :D
Raphiael chapter 1 . 3/8/2011
So, I'm definitely late to the party on this one, and you may not even be updating anymore, but! I'm reviewing it anyway.

This was really fantastic. So many little details here that worked so well - the cleanliness of Felicia's cheeks, the statue of Fortuna, the quality of Illumina's eyes (and the ghastly description of them later), the numerous, but not obviously pointed out contrasts between Pelleas and the people he lives around. You paint a fantastic, realistic portrait of what an orphan's life in a place like Daein would really be like, and it fits so well with who Pelleas is later on.

All of the minor characters were colorful and vivid, even the minor, barely named orphans. They all really tied the setting together and made it a satisfying experience.

The only thing I could possibly take issue with would be that Pelleas' dialogue seems inconsistent - the back and forth between slurring and concise, educated wordings felt a little strange. Also, my first thought with a frail and sickly priest was Rhys? But from the dialogue and the like it definitely didn't seem like him, so that was a bit confusing.

But honestly, they're tiny things in an otherwise great piece that I hope you someday continue.
Gunlord500 chapter 1 . 1/6/2011
Hey there, WA! You aksed for a revuu and here I am. 8) I can't say too much about this, as I haven't played FE10...I only have a vague idea of who Pelleas is and I'm not sure who's a canon character and who's not. I will say, though, that as usual this is fantastically written. Your depiction of racism and violence as well as its effects on Pelleas's mind are poignant and deft, and the cultural asides, like the Goddess Fortuna, are very interesting, though again, I dunno what's canon and what's not. XD Great work, my friend, even if I haven't played FE10 I still enjoyed dis a whole lot. :D
Myaru chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
Wow. This chapter really punches you in the gut. Normally I would err toward introducing characters like Illumina earlier, but you characterized Pelleas's loneliness and personality quirks that set him apart so well that when he lost his one friend, it made me hurt enough for him that I felt sympathy for the girl as well, even though I didn't know much about her.

Really, I think you wrote just enough - there's no need to outline a character's history down to the date of their birth, after all. Though this is only part of the chapter, it was the most affecting.

["Pink Lady Inne"]

Awesome. I don't know why I like this so much, but it makes me giggle. Maybe it reminds me of old English pamphlets - or of the strip bar where I grew up. :P

["...but her cheeks were sparkling clean..."]

This is an extremely interesting detail that I'm glad you included. It sets her apart from the rest of the town and the children Pelleas usually associates with - even from Pelleas himself - because they're all described as dirty and caked with dust. No doubt this is a selling point with Felicia. XD

Felicia was an amusing character; perhaps she's colored by the situation more than her own virtues. I wanted to cover my eyes and not look because I was sure poor Pelleas would embarrass himself horribly, but he came out of this pretty well, actually - he showed a deeper perception in his final judgment of Felicia before he got angry. I found his reactions in this scene to be very genuine.

Also, somewhat unrelated: though I'm extremely wary of dialect in a story, you surprised me by doing a very good job composing it in a way that was easy to follow and didn't take me out of the story by introducing unnecessary slang. It gave flavor to the setting. Also, it functioned nicely as another "difference" between the townspeople and Pelleas, who speaks with a more educated tone.

Great story. I'm looking forward to more. And to think, I don't even like Pelleas, usually.
Measured chapter 1 . 7/26/2009
! I didn't realize you'd posted this already. Whoops, I meant to watch you since I haven't been checking the main hub of the Pit lately.

I already gave a general review, but I couldn't resist doing it here. This is a very deep, intimate portrait that feels very full and lifelike. All the original characters feel as true as if it was the game canon - and in truth I consider this to be what I would expect of Pelleas' backstory had he actually had you know, had one beyond a line here and there.

Update soon? :D