|Reviews for The Lay of Thrym|
| jeanette9a chapter 1 . 11/24/2012
well that's one intereting wedding if you ask me. XD
| ahrvaslo chapter 1 . 2/2/2012
| Stina Whatever chapter 1 . 3/13/2011
i like that the first thing he thinks is if he did something that could've upset thor
| Anon chapter 1 . 1/9/2011
kills the joy of reading mythology for me.
| Idunn's apples chapter 1 . 1/9/2011
I've read a review you wrote on another retelling of a Norse myth, where you picked on name spelling and lack of dialogue. I'm sure you know this, but the names have slightly varying spellings in the different Nordic languages, in addition to the anglisised ones. Tor/Thor, Odin/Odinn/Oden, Åsgård/Aasgard/Ásgárd are all the same, and commenting on this is nitpicking.
When it comes to dialogue - well, twisting characters and plotlines with silly modern dialogue just kills
| Miss Mello chapter 1 . 11/26/2010
Loki was a Jeatte, so he didn't need Freya's falcon skin to morph into anything.
I did a paper on this particular myth and I must say i like what you did with it; you certainly gave it something modern..
| Dreams of Centaurs chapter 1 . 11/10/2010
lol was this a real myth ? and what was with brising. anyway great job very funny
| Novanto chapter 1 . 7/14/2010
Every time I read this myth, I can't help giving an amused smile. However Loki's POV seems more amusing than the third person's POV. In short this fic seems worthy of The Norse Eddas!
| Swashbucklist chapter 1 . 5/20/2010
Guess I learned a new myth today. But according to Ragnelle, it could have been much more worth my time. I recommend making those changes.
| L'Archel-Hotishi chapter 1 . 5/15/2010
This was my favorite story from Norse mythology (next to the one where Loki cuts off Sif's hair)...and I think the fact that you wrote from Loki's POV was really cool.
You captured his character nicely. :D
| ej8012 chapter 1 . 3/17/2010
Very nice, I was readin your profile and I was like, FF has a Norse Mythology place? Anyway... Good, like I said, sounds like Loki. Now I'm off to go read more mythological stuff XD
| funkydelic sid chapter 1 . 2/23/2010
Ah, Loki and Thor. How we do love them.
| Ragnelle chapter 1 . 1/24/2010
If all I wanted was to learn a new myth, I would be better off reading the original.
Your re-telling is mostly faithful to the original poem, thought, as another pointed out, you have made some changes. These changes do on make quite sense as the story stands now, but with just a little tweaking, the POV can easily defend them.
And the POV is one reason that your re-telling can be made interesting in its own right. Loki is one of the most interesting characters in the Norse Mythology and his POV is well worth doing. But you squander your opportunity with both the fast pace, and with staying so close to the composition of the original lay.
You see, _you_ must make _your_ story worth reading. You can not just rely on the original story to be good enough. As I said: just for learning the story, we are better off reading the original. You must bring some perspective to it if reading your story should be worth our time. The POV you have chosen does give you the opportunity to do this, but you need to put more work into it to make the story work.
First: Character. None of yours stays completely in character. The most important to get right is Loki, but I'll start with Thor.
Thor would not just sit helplessly on his bed; he is a man of action. Sometimes too rash action. He was angry when his hammer was stolen. Thrymskvitha, the original poem, starts with the word 'Vreiðr' which means angry, furious, wroth (if you want an old-fashioned word) etc. and it does state that he begins to feel all around him. In other words: It is not in Thor's character to sit helplessly in shock. He would rave and seek furiously after his hammer. He would be impatient, not irritated. Someone has dared steal his hammer! It is unheard of. So, more temper please.
Next: Freya. She too is more temperamental than your story gives credit for. She would not just scowl at Loki if he intruded on her like that; and especially not if she did not like to have him in particular intrude like that. She would throw him out. In Thrymskvitha, when Thor later comes to tell her she are to marry Thrym, she is so angry that she is spitting and hissing like a cat, and the hall of the gods are shaken by her anger. So more temper from her as well, please.
Now for the character that might let you keep the ooc of the other two: Loki.
As you have Loki tell the story, you can make changes to both story and the characters because he is the one telling the story, and Loki is not to be trusted. He is a trickster. He is the slanderer of the gods, but you need to let us get a feeling for that. Your Loki is a bit too... I don't know. Not enough of the trickster. He will make trouble just because. I can see him slant the story in his re-telling so that the others does not look good, but I think you need to make some changes for it to work.
First: who is his audience? I think you need to have Loki tell his story to a specific audience, as it is now, it is too general. Loki would slant the story according to who he is telling the story to, and you need to establish that in your own mind. Also be conscious (as an author) that Loki is lying several times here. You must, somehow, let it be clear that he is lying, while not stating it. It can be done by referencing to the events in the original poem; like when you introduce the idea of Thor dressing up as Freya.
Your setting is different from the poem, and Loki is originally not the author of the idea; Heimdal is. If you keep the setting as you have it, you can add a line or two where Loki says something along the lines of: "Others might have told this part of the story differently, but I assure you; this is the true way it happened. "
When a storyteller assures you that his tale is true, you know he is lying ;)
There are other aspects, but I think these are the most important once. I did miss the smell of snow in your story though. That is to say, I missed that quality that the Norse Myths have that I have no other way of explaining than that I can smell the snow in them. Getting the characters right might help with that, though I must say that I have rarely seen it in English renderings. I think it is partly due to the language, so writing in English is a disadvantage. I have heard story-tellers that manage though, so it is possible the get the feeling right in English as well.
It might the the rather contemporary language you use that puts me a bit off, though. And the rushing. Do not rush! It does not serve the story. If it is worth telling, it is worth taking the time to tell it. You know it is rushed; why do you not do something about it?
Nitpick: The name of Freya's neckless is Brisingamen, or Brisinga neckless/ Brisingas' neckless. not just Brisinga. I have not been able to hunt down a reference I trust 100% on the meaning of Brisinga, but it might be the genitive of Brisingr and it might mean "fire", "flaming", "glowing". I have not been able to track down where the information of the meaning comes from in the references I have found. 'Brisinga' alone is not the name of the jewelry though.
So, I do commend you on a better knowledge of the Norse myth than many have. You do need some more focus on why you want to re-tell the story and some work to do to make the re-telling worth reading as something more than a way to learn a little about the story. If you want others to know this story; either re-derict them to the original, or make your story worth reading in its own right. Get the characters right, and make a conscious choice as to who Loki is telling the story to and what he wants to active by telling it. This will work wonders on your writing, I am quite certain of.
| Ingebjorg9 chapter 1 . 1/11/2010
Having read the original poem that you've based this on, I like this re-telling a lot. Very funny and true to the original story.
| Aquawyrm chapter 1 . 1/10/2010
I love that story. Big guys in drag make me laugh every time.