|Reviews for Hell House|
| AngeliqueRox chapter 4 . 4/1/2013
Why have you not updated in so freaking long?! This story is simply amazing; you have to update this.
| CullenLover9 chapter 1 . 1/24/2013
Please please please please please please please please please please update sooooooonnnnn! Love this story and want to find out what happens to Shaggy ! :) :):) :)
| KimCG chapter 4 . 5/11/2012
OMFG! Please review...like now :)
| MoonieSlayaStar chapter 4 . 5/10/2012
my super happy day started after dinner for i found out you wrote more D, suuuuupppppeeeeerrr happyness nearly exploded D
thoughts on chapter...
nooooooooooooooooo evil sprit thing nooooooooooooooo
sprit no shaggy stealing, sprit no shaggy stealing, sprit nooo shaggy stealing. toooo late
curse you evil sprit thing, you have no right to vilolate shaggy like that (insert very mad face here)
love the story soo far ... one more thing before i reread story again...
| DevilboyScooby chapter 4 . 5/4/2012
Few grammatical errors but a very tense chapter! Bit short but hopefully next chapter might come sooner.
| The-Time-Travelling-Hippie chapter 4 . 5/4/2012
Oh my God! Please please update immediately! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU! :D NOW!
| Sonar chapter 4 . 5/4/2012
It's sounding more scary.
| unnaturalstories chapter 3 . 4/28/2012
I hate you. -_- Sorry to be so blunt, but you can't just leave us with that! I mean you got the best part and then BAM! No updates for two, TWO years, and this story is one of the best I have read in this fandom about grammar was perfect, and I really liked your story idea. I also really liked how you had the shadow threaten Shaggy when he was going to tell his friends what was wrong. if you do write the next chapter you have a lot of hurt/comfort and friendship in it! Anyway I was really enjoying this story and I hope you will consider finishing it. It is one of the greatest I have read and I would love to see how you have the gang fix the problem! Thanks for a great read!
| The-Time-Travelling-Hippie chapter 3 . 3/3/2012
can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write some more! I love the suspension this story is GREAT! I love it!
| MoonieSlayaStar chapter 3 . 1/15/2012
i need more curse you doof for your
writer's-block-inator, cusre you
anyway please write more, im like shaking from Shaggy's near death expriance
please I NEEEEEEEEEEEEED MOOOORRRREEE
please, PLEASE, thank you
| MoonieSlayaStar chapter 2 . 1/15/2012
to good cant stop now must go on
| MoonieSlayaStar chapter 1 . 1/15/2012
this is like so awsome dude is this like going to be the pre-quel to Hunted By Secrets?
| Guest chapter 3 . 5/28/2011
PLEASE CONTINUE THIS STORY! I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! I READ THIS LIKE EVERYDAY! PLEEEEASE CONTIUE!
| Believe-it1051 chapter 3 . 2/2/2011
Yeah, not being awakened by rifle shots is a stretch as you even seem to have admitted in the story, but if you add to this that he placed pillows on their bodies then fired into each one it would be much more believable. Doing that will muffle the gun blast a great deal.
Speaking of muffling, when you say that the thunder may have muffled the blast of the gun, that's not quite the correct word. I would say it masked the sound, or maybe you should word the whole sentence differently, saying that the gun blasts may have been dismissed as or blended into the thunder. I mean, unless he fired RIGHT when the thunder cracked (not likely to work out), then the thunder didn't muffle anything.
Also, while we're on the subject of guns, I would change the rifle to a double barrel shotgun, because with a rifle (especially older models) you only get one shot before you have to pull back on the bolt to eject the bullet casing and reload a new bullet. After the first shot the other parent would have woke up, and Ron wouldn't have had nearly enough time to reload even if he had a post WWII era semi-automatic rifle with a magazine which loads the bullet for you but you still need to pull back the bolt. Most likely he would have a hunting rifle, not a combat rifle. In which case he'd have to reload by hand.
With a double barrel shotgun on the other hand, which has a separate trigger and hammer for each barrel, you need only load two shells in each barrel, snap it closed (which he would do before entering the room), pull one trigger in one pillow, move the muzzle over to the second pillow and then pull the second trigger. He could probably do this fast enough to get the second parent before he or she could fully wake up from the motion and noise. Plus, the use of shells, which discharge many small fragments, will be more likely to kill than a rifle bullet at close range and there would be a LOT more blood from a shotgun wound than you'd get from a rifle wound. With a gun kill you'd have to hit directly in the heart or brain. If you miss with a rifle the victim won't die for a few minutes at least. With a shotgun you're more likely to hit the heart, and even if you don't, the amount of damage and trauma that would be caused is enough to make the victim die of blood loss or at least pass out from the massive drop in blood pressure (then die).
Hope that didn't creep you out or anything.
The description on this is good, and the storytelling in regard to the horror aspect is interesting. I still have a problem with Shaggy though. I know you explained why he isn't running away or freaking out as he usually would. He has run away from things far less scary than this, and it seems he would have made the gang leave the house that day, but this situation is different, I know. The fact you went into the psychological aspect of this is good. He wanted to run as usual, but then he would get ideas in his mind of what the evil in the house would do to him if he tried, then that would basically paralyze him with fear. That makes his staying put more believable. Still, it's hard to read Shaggy just sitting/standing there for it. He's an active character who uses his feet when he thinks he has to. Again, I did like that you had him feeling pain or a sense of foreboding when he was about to tell the gang about what happened, but I would think that he would still try to subtly suggest that they all go somewhere for breakfast or something, and then tell them.
Scooby-Doo involves a lot of action and running, and I just really feel its absence here.
The part in between when the gang was together in the kitchen and the part where Shaggy crashed on the couch, I think, could have had some good story written into it. Wouldn't Shaggy want to ask the others how they slept or if they saw anything? Or wouldn't he ask Scooby to stick close to him from that point on?
Also, when he gets up from the couch and looks for the others, he sees they're not in their rooms, so wouldn't he look for a note (and not find one)? And wouldn't he call down to the cellar first instead of go down there alone? He seems to be acting in a way that is not like him. I understand this could be from the situation he's been put in, but even so it seems he would be even more careful or even more willing to get the heck out of there.
So you need ideas? Well... I will PM you some.
Overall, a good chapter. Focused mainly on the horror aspect and not so much what is going on in the house or with the gang (which I would like to hear more of), but still good and mysterious.
| Believe-it1051 chapter 2 . 2/1/2011
Hmm, well the fright factor was good, and fairly gruesome. Though I'm not sure Shaggy was in character during this part. It seemed like I was reading a story about a normal guy in a movie of this genre. I expected Shaggy to at least say something. Like call out to Scooby to see if it was him or when he saw the monster with the knife that he would jump up out of bed and run out (or through) the door. I'd also think he would be worried about the others.
Also, some description about his room would have been good. I had an idea of what it looked like and that idea had to change once or twice when you introduced a new aspect of it such as the window or the "far corner" in relation to where the bed was. This goes back to what I said about letting the reader fill in the blanks with their own imagination backfiring. This wasn't bad though. It isn't like my idea of the room changed all that drastically.
One last thing that bothered me, this line: "He was too scared to climb out of the safety of the covers to see if it was just one of his friends-or something worse". Something worse than… his friends? "Worse" isn't the right word to use since it implies that his friends are a bad element as well. I would go with, "…just one of his friends, or something bad/sinister/evil/far from it/etc?
See what I’m saying? "Worse" kind of drags the friends down. Use a word that stands in contrast to his friends not one that seems to include them in with the bad element.
I did like the psychological horror aspect of it though. A little more description on how the fear held Shaggy down would have helped explain why he stayed there and would add to the fright of it.
Overall it was a decent chapter. I'll read 3 tomorrow.