I’m sorry, but I have to do this. I don’t normally write negative reviews, but to be honest with you, your story is downright, utterly ridiculous. The characters act like they’re in middle school, not 16/17 years old. You portray Lily has a meek and timid character, when she is consistently seen as self-assured and proud. Sirius’ character is... well frankly awkward, obessessive, and obnoxious. The “clever” plans that Sirius and Remus come up with are idiotic and nonsensical. Your portrayal of Peter, Remus, and Sirius’ friendship is completely horrible. They pretend to be his friend for James? They had mouth him repeatedly, belittle him, ridicule him, and leave him for dead? This is what you believe Remus and Sirius’ characters to be? Cruel, deceitful, and downright malicious? You don’t like Peter- fine. He’s not a likable character, but your portrayal of Peter, only served to make Remus and Sirius look bad. Your character development and structure needs serious work.

Also, for the record, a simile is a type of metaphor. A simile is a comparison of two things using like or as. A metaphor is also a comparison of two things, but does not need to use the worlds like or as. Therefore, a simile is a type of metaphor.

Thanks for the awesome story! (Though, to be honest, your author's notes were the most amusing part... And that's not a put down of your story! Just a note that your author's notes are a joy to read)

Anyways, it was light-hearted romance. I enjoyed having James/Lily without the angst that normally comes with their relationship. However, your Peter hating depressed me. I never though him of much of a character, but after reading The Marauders Discover Fanfiction by CoconutBanana, I can't read Peter- bashing without a smidgen of guilt. And Snape was OOC. I'd have just left that part out.

Otherwise, though, I really enjoyed your story. Thanks for the quick, fun read! :)

Aww this was cuute! Awesome story! Hope u write more about the marauders

Is Sirius like gay or something?

this was nice..but idk i expected more

Hahaha I had to try my hardest not to laugh cuz if I did then people would've said I was weird.

I'm sorry, but I had to stop at this chapter. Your writing is soso. The marauder banter is boring and immature. Sirius is unbearable. Not even funny. Nothing at all indicates that James really loves Lily. Some sentences don't even make any sense in the story. And NOBODY speaks like how you make them speak. Maybe for a play, but there still, it's so choppy, unnecessary, and boring.

I'm sorry. I'm aware that there are TONS of Jily fics out there that are ten times worse than yours, but I feel the need to point this out to you. Don't take this badly, your vocabulary and grammar are really good, so kudos on that. Next time, try some character analysation, think about what you're writing, who you're writing, "is there any other way to make the reader understand this?"

I hope this helped! I really don't mean this as a flame. ;)

nice story...

Hey The story was amazing except the fact that the chapters were a little too short

But other than that it was great!

Keep up the good work

this was truly an amazing story

Why does my inner voice sound like Sirius? That's rather creepy.

wow...lol

off topic i love this story and i wish sirius' middle name was lee...you get it lol

i'm lame

Very very very very cute

I loved all of your interpretations of the characters.

They fit with how I imagined them.

With the exception of Snape but everyone's Snape is so personal its hard for one Snape to be right.

Aw, this is so cute! I loved Sirius! :D

I really liked this chapter or prolouge or whatever is was.

really good story!