|Reviews for Men of the Sea|
| thomasquwack chapter 1 . 4/30/2012
Bravo, you captured Fargus perfectly!
| Myaru chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
Fargus is such a fun character - and he's not the type people write about very often, so you're awesome for dedicating an entire fic to him. He interested me, because he didn't follow the typical rogue-with-a-heart-of-gold pattern point for point, though he does fit the cliche.
["Dart never could recall what had happened to him—the other pirates liked to say that Leviathan had left its bite in his flesh..."]
This is a really interesting line, because it implies a kind of mythology to life on the sea; it shows superstition, the camaraderie between the pirates of Fargus's crew (because it can also be a joke, something they say while giving him a noogie or whatever), and a dismissal of Dart's past, whatever it might be, as something that doesn't matter to them now he's one of the crew. No questions asked, that kind of thing. This would be consistent with Fargus's characterization, considering he jumps into Eliwood's situation head first because he wants a challenge, or a little fun, and he doesn't really care why.
["Brother to all the boys, son to him."]
This also speaks volumes about a real affection between them, without being too sentimental.
Now, for some concrit. Don't worry, there's not much. :D There are several instances where you skip opportunities for deeper characterization of the crew and the ship, which I think is important in such a character-heavy piece that insists on emphasizing Fargus's reputation. You build it up at the beginning, but you don't tell us why Badon loves them. I get the respect - "Pirates though they were, they never stole from those that couldn’t afford to surrender a little. They would never hurt the helpless" gets that point across clearly - but fondness? There's history there, and this particular story may not be served by elaborating on it, so I would suggest cutting back on the comparison between Fargus's crew and other pirates at the beginning, because the point of the story seems to be his fondness for Dart and pride in his crew, neither of which depend heavily on their reputation elsewhere.
["He turned, away from Badon, and looked at all the men aboard the mighty Davros. They were milling about, some loafing, others hard at work..." etc.]
To really set the tone and make me see the crew, a few more details would help. Smells, sounds, specifics - how are they loafing, what kind of work are they doing? Is there any back-slapping or teasing going on? Is there any difference between their behavior now and what they've been like on other voyages? I assume this is set after Valor, so they've seen a little action, the boat is damaged, and they've just lost a crew member, though he's still alive and kicking. As a general rule, getting involved with heroes changes people a little - and if they're the same as usual, maybe it's Fargus who's changed, or maybe he would note the lack of change, and his feelings on that.
The essence of this critique is that it feels a little disconnected, and some effort to ground it firmly in Fargus's perception could improve the story.
That said, back to the love.
["“All right, men!” he shouted, his deep voice attracting the attention of all the men on his splendid vessel, not because he had shouted, but because he had called them men. “We may be short one whelp, but that only means that th’ rest o’ ye’ll have to work a l’il harder to make up for losin’ ‘im!”"]
This was one of my favorite lines. It's both comforting, and still in character with Fargus as gruff pirate captain.
[“And don’t none o’ the rest of ye go findin’ yerself no money-grubbin’, wheedlin’ wenches o’ yer own, neither!”]
This was also awesome and lovable.
His contemplation on how they've all become men over time is kind of bittersweet, and I like it. It encompasses affection for his crew, maybe nostalgia for the old days and a bit of sorrow for times he can never go back to, and, of course, pride in his influence on their growth. All in all, it was a touching story, and I really liked it. I'm glad I took the time to read it, and thank you for posting it! Even though it was meant for Ryuuie, the rest of us benefit too.
| Wyrmseeker chapter 1 . 7/27/2009
I left you a birthday greeting before your birthday. Now you get one after your birthday.
Now that that's done... this was nice. A bit of a wall of text to begin with; the descriptions are just kind of general (although some of the language you use, like "gaggle of yeller-bellied sows," is awesome). But it gets nicer later on, when Fargus starts describing Dart. I like the implications of his relationship with Farina, too. My only other complaint is that the ending is a bit... idealistic. These are pirates, after all. Life's not all sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows for them.
You know what's weird? I just got past the chapter in PoR where pirates show up and start singing at you. I instantly decided to write a fic about those guys... and now I have something to compare it to. Good work, and again, happy belated birthday!
| mister Uknown chapter 1 . 7/27/2009
This story doesn't need tips for improvement - it is awesome.
(i hope the next FE is about pirates 3 )
| Mark of the Asphodel chapter 1 . 7/26/2009
Aw. This was really, really cute. I don't have any "criticism" to offer, as this was basically a pure shot of "warm and fuzzy" done right. Loved the family dynamic, loved the way Fargus rationalized and coped with the loss of one of his surrogate sons, and *adored* the line about "money-grubbing wenches." Also, three cheers for minor-character fic! This really did bring a smile to my face.
| Lyuh chapter 1 . 7/26/2009
PF RYUUIE LOVES YOU AND ACTUALLY BOTHERED LOGGING IN TO FFN TO LET YOU KNOW THAT.
Seriously, you're the only person who'd write something for someone else on your birthday. xD; But I love it. And hope you had a happy birthday.
"'And don’t none o’ the rest of ye go findin’ yerself no money-grubbin’, wheedlin’ wenches o’ yer own, neither!'" - Oh, Fargus. He's awesome. This is just awesome. ILU.
The way you portrayed the family dynamic of his crew was just... adorable. So much love with no words to describe it..!