Reviews for One Plus
Amielleon chapter 1 . 7/20/2014
I've got so horrible at thinking of short reviews in the age of the like button. But since your stuff is exactly what I've wanted to read, I feel that I should support it!

Akihiko is wonderful in this. He's repressed and tries too hard but you can still see that he's a dumb teenager with hormones and a penchant for superheroes. It's really charming and I think seeing tiny Aki is especially effective as Ken (who has many of the same traits) makes his entrance.

I also like the examination of the various relationships surrounding Akihiko. His relationship with Mitsuru here is so familiar and great - exactly what I liked from them in canon. I liked the parts with Yukari and Junpei too: something new that filled things in in an interesting way for me.
Ani Mei chapter 1 . 1/1/2014
I really like the style of this and the exploration of characters and their background. Maybe I'm missing something, but I'm baffled by the use of the numbers separating the sections. One of the few good Persona fanfics that I've read!
DarkenedSakura chapter 1 . 9/12/2012
The last line just makes the biggest shiver go down my spine.

Great fic. I love it when people get stuff between Aki, Shinji, and Mitsuru resonating just so like this.
azurelegance chapter 1 . 8/29/2010
oh god I love this so much X_X Your writing style is incredibly witty and fun :D I could not find a single boring sentence in this entire piece XD
Rayless Night chapter 1 . 7/30/2009
Great characterization here and, I agree, good rhythm to the story as a whole. Akihiko serves as an excellent pivot to characterize the others around.

The structure is also very good, bringing the story from Shinjiro to Ken, and then the final line. The closure is slight, at best, but that's all the story needs. Nothing's overplayed.

Nice work balancing the angst with touches of humor; it keeps it from feeling overbearing.

And again, wonderful characterization and dialogue.

Some crits:

"There was never [a] question of Shinji and Miki...they were already family anyway." I'd lose the "already" or the "anyway"; having both feels redundant.

"-last time-in his life uncertain" - very awkward phrasing/punctuation there

'"No, I'm not," he says, too harshly...unnerving she is.' I'd break that sentence into at least two.

In general, ease up some on hyphens and semi-colons. I overuse them too. Some are fine, but they're drawing attention to themselves.
Lady Cheshire chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
This is the kind of rhythm I've been trying to achieve. Beautiful. I'm at a loss for words. Thank you.