|Reviews for Pain|
| PEACHESandBUNNY 17 chapter 4 . 2/26/2016
Please update I wanna read more
| Dark.x.Raven.x chapter 4 . 1/28/2012
plzzz add more!
| Cassandra96 chapter 4 . 7/16/2011
Emmett to the rescue and rosalie and him should have broken up and bella and emmett explain to esme and carlisle what happend
| ANGEL FALLEN FROM HEAVEN chapter 4 . 6/19/2011
omg i love it keep writing
| HoldTheLineDon'tLookBack chapter 4 . 6/18/2011
i love this story. Please update soon.
| Xxx.VA.chickxxX chapter 3 . 3/20/2010
yup that was awesome
| Archiewinner chapter 3 . 3/19/2010
love it! much bettr than b4! please keep on it :D
| Kittenn1011 chapter 1 . 3/19/2010
First of all, your summary is full of grammar and spelling errors. This is a major turn-off for most readers, and you would do well to fix it up.
"I took a deep breath, and made sure my arms were covered, but the black arm sleeves, into fingerless gloves. (gloves without the finger things)"
This was the first thing that I saw on the page and it immediately made me facepalm. The sentence overall makes little sense, and I'm not sure what you were really trying to say, but the one thing I did get was the fingerless gloves. Why did you have to put in brackets that fingerless gloves don't have fingers? That's why they're called fingerless gloves!
"my tank top, black, showed my stomach."
Your second new sentence and you’re already forgetting to capitalize the first letter? Also, this sentence is very awkward. It doesn’t flow very well. I recommend you work on your flow. It feels choppy and boring.
“"damn your hot girl!" mika gushed. Her and chad were my new best friends after edidiot left.”
Once again, remember to put capitals at the beginning of sentences, and names too. The next thing that was wrong about this part was definitely the fragment “Her and Chad”. Because they are the subjects of the sentence, it should be “Chad and she”, or even “She and Chad”. And edidiot? Who?
I’m not going to point out every time you miss a capital, but there are a hell of a lot of time you do this. All your sentences seem choppy, and the “insert song” thing is terrible. One thing that bothers me is people putting whole songs into their fanfics, but this is worse. I don’t know these songs. They mean nothing to me, and probably to most of your readers.
“(sorry, for the duff, but I thought it matched izzy's new personality. It is my story…)”
First off, Author Notes in the middle of stories are against the rules, and secondly, while I don’t know these songs specifically, I do know Duff’s general style… and it’s not “Depressed, Druggie, Alcoholic” music. It’s preteen girl music.
Honestly, I can’t drag myself to read any more. I hate to be blunt, but it’s just that terrible! I hope you take some of my advice to heart though, and look for these kinds of things, not only in the places I pointed out, but the entire story. I’d say something about plot, but I couldn’t drag myself that far in.
| DemiSaler chapter 3 . 3/19/2010
Love this one. Love it love it love it! Keep this one going. Not the first one. The first one seemed really strange to me but this next one is totally awesome. Keep it going please.
| icelandic oasis chapter 1 . 3/19/2010
Just two words:
insert and your
Please use spell check.
| Fandom-maniac1667 chapter 3 . 3/19/2010
oohh update soon!
| JaseAndClary4Ever chapter 1 . 9/13/2009
Wow this is a very good story I like the part where Bella is hit by a car and I can't waot to see the hospital scenes between Edward and Bella if she ends up at the hospital.
But I wonder what really did happen to her car keys. I wonder who could of taken them
So I was wondering when are you going to add more chapters to this story.. Keep up the good work I'm very interesed in this story
| SkyeGavin chapter 1 . 8/27/2009
Here is a list of conducts that should always be observed:
1. Spell check all story and poetry. There is no excuse for not performing this duty. If you do not have a word processor that has the spell checking feature, use a search engine such as to find one.
2. Proofread all entries for grammar and other aspects of writing before submission. 'Hot off the press' content is often riddled with errors. No one is perfect but it is the duty of the writer to perform to the best of his/her ability.
5. Use proper textual formatting. For example: using only capital letters in the story title, summary, or content is not only incorrect but also a disregard for the language itself.
| bundysarah chapter 2 . 8/18/2009
| zetake chapter 2 . 8/18/2009
please write i don't mind wat u do...just don't stop the storyyi love it