Reviews for Roy, Riza, Rock and Roll
Rojas Walrus chapter 15 . 5/27/2010
Finally, I've gotten around to reading this. Sorry about that, my life's been kindof hectic.

So, over all, I like this chapter. Great chapter. Lot's of plot, some Royai. Love the Royai. You should put more in it. Lots more. (lol)

There was one thought shot, however, that was really broken. When Riza thinks "I am especially charmed by that apologetic look on his face." my reading flow was totally broken. The sentence is just too... informative. You know, no emotion. Everything else was great and funny though. You do a good job on the sexual tension between the two.

*Minor qualm* with your portrayal of Kimblee. Perhaps this is because I actually really like Kimblee, but this also covers a lot of the way bad guys are written. He just seems too, um, evil. Like, unrelentingly evil. People always justify their actions, but your Kimblee isn't He's ooc, you know? Though, it isn't too big a deal, because he's serving a purpose.

Anyway, still a fan I must say. Please please pleas *plox* update soon, don't make me wait so long again!
artFULLYoutuvit chapter 15 . 5/25/2010
great chapter! glad to hear from you again. the internal dialogues were very interesting, but it can get confusing to hear so many different people's thoughts at once. maybe try picking just grumman or just kimblee in the future? at least per chapter or separated by a page break (though i understand that formatting on a *certain website* is often impossible). anyway great chapter again and can't wait for more!
StarCatcher1858 chapter 15 . 5/25/2010
Hooray, an update! Hm, what will Kimblee do next? I love Grumman. And yep, chapter 107 was wonderful. I wonder how would the manga's end be - they said it is confirmed that the end would be next month... Well, can't wait to read what's next!
StarCatcher1858 chapter 14 . 4/4/2010
I love the end. Especially the second to last paragraph. It's sweet... And I hope Tammy wouldn't ever figure out Roy and Riza's plan! Though it will be a lot useful for the plot xD
artFULLYoutuvit chapter 14 . 4/3/2010
uh oh, they's alonee! what will happen! lol, loved this chapter! just got back from Anime Boston, so i'm in a fine and dandy anime mood, can't wait for more!
Rojas Walrus chapter 14 . 4/3/2010
This was another great chapter. I like the plot, mainly because it's moving, and it's moving naturally, and it had a god balance between the aspects of the story. I can't understand how you're going to end it so soon, but I'm not the author am I? I'm really excited to see it, needless to say. Oh, and by the way, please update soon. Please please please. It's seriously a mild form of torture to keep us waiting that long.
StarCatcher1858 chapter 13 . 3/12/2010
Noes... Tammy will find out about Riza... Run, Riza, run! Fortunately there is Roy who will always protect her... XD
Rojas Walrus chapter 13 . 3/12/2010
This was a wonderful chapter. You promised length, and you delivered. Not to mention quality. As much as a wait as it was, it was worth it.

You had the perfect balance in here. You had enough daily life to ground it and make it believable (somehow the thought of Riza smokin' a joint leaves an amusing mental image in my mind. Though, I can only imagine what a High Riza would be like) and the plot that is laced throughout it makes it interesting, but not in your face. It also has that wonderful Royai interaction that I've been looking forward to.

REALLY looking foward to your next chapter, so it makes me sad that it'll take a little longer to come out.
Smash41KMF chapter 13 . 3/12/2010
artFULLYoutuvit chapter 13 . 3/12/2010
haha i laughed a lot in this chapter when riza was in the audience not understanding air guitar ;D great chapter! can't wait for more!
Rojas Walrus chapter 12 . 2/26/2010
Ok, so sorry about the time it took me to review. Crap got in the way.

I love the length! More of that, definitely. I also really like the length variety in the sentences and paragraphs. It makes the story flow quite nicely.

My main problem is that you do a lot of telling, not showing (dare I use that overly cliche phrase). This is particularly obvious in Riza's backstory. It seems very... forced. Robotic almost. What I would suggest is more thoughtshots. Perhaps a little more details, even if they may seem pointless (note: that is also very possibly a BAD idea. Use the suggestion as you will). Oh, also, you don't need "..." to end a paragraph in dialog.

I'd also say put more emotion in the characters. Add a flavor to each character, I guess. That was one thing I really liked about Breda in particular, was that he was very distinctively "Breda". Mainly it's the show don't tell thing.

I DID like the chapter, and eagerly look forward to the next one. Hope my criticism is helpful.

artFULLYoutuvit chapter 12 . 2/26/2010
i definitely don't mind long chapters! another great one! i think riza would have said the exact same thing to roy about his depression/angst stuff, and that thing about maria ross was so clever! can't wait for more!
StarCatcher1858 chapter 12 . 2/25/2010
Yes, poor Riza... Lots of bad things happened to her. And evil Bradley, I know he can be evil enough to arrange that train crash to happen... (Is it taken from canon anyway? o.O)But hey, she and Roy are cheering each other up!

You know, I unconsciously searched for the next chapter button, but there wasn't one xD Can't wait for the next chapter to come.
The Golden Lily chapter 12 . 2/25/2010
Fantastic new chapter. I adore this story. Keep writing! Xx.
StarCatcher1858 chapter 11 . 2/21/2010
Wha... They are going via Amestris! Hopefully Riza won't get caught or something like that...

I'm curious what will No More!'s songs be like if there is a real band like that... :P
59 | « Prev Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »