|Reviews for The Wind Flower|
| Paul chapter 17 . 6/24
REALY love this story! Kazehana is my favorite pairing because she's the complete opposite of minato. Only part I don't like is the one with Shiina. I know it's been a while but I hope you conclude this and put Yukari and Shiina back together.
| John chapter 16 . 6/23
This chapter is to depressing rewrite it
| John chapter 5 . 6/21
This should definitely be a manga
| John chapter 17 . 6/21
Really good story to bad they didn't finish
| Ikrani chapter 17 . 4/20
So... You going to continue the story or are we to assume that this randomly became some bizarre crossover with Ghost in the Shell, if the main character of GitS was Rule 63 Magento? Because as awesome as that would be, it does leave me scratching my head and wondering where this came from.
Also, might I recommend calling Mokoto something other than Mokoto? Because the GitS character's name is MOTOKO, which is a legit Japanese name. More importantly, Sekirei have a naming scheme wherein two Japanese words are combined to form a whole. "Tsukiumi" is literally "moon sea" (tsuki and umi, which is why I was confused why you chose to name Tsukiumi's daughter "Moon" in your other Sekirei fanfic). Kazehana is "wind flower" (but I think you knew that). Even Karasuba's name is two words: "karasu" meaning "crow" and "ba" (of all things) meaning "feathers".
Just saying, when a random schlub like me can come up with a name like "Kagedansu" (literally "shadow dance") for his OC Sekirei, I don't think that sticking to the naming scheme is a lot to ask. Shoot, the visual novel at least had the antagonists's name be "midnight", lame as that is.
| Temsen chapter 17 . 3/19
Mh, this is a really great story, too bad it's unfinished. :(
| Secundum chapter 16 . 3/19
Was there really a need for that last bit? Adds needless drama to what was a pretty good story.
| Hartless Bastard chapter 4 . 3/7
Your dialog can get repetitive at times. "Fight or beat people up" is rather redundant, as is following the statement with "Being able to fight isn't what matters to me." It's made even worse when you drop the chapter title 3 times in the same monologue.
| Hartless Bastard chapter 11 . 3/5
May I humbly suggest that you space out their ? I know you SAY it's been a while since Minato started courting Tsukiumi, but because there's been so little story with them being together, it doesn't FEEL like a while. I know, you wanna get to the best part, and I know, the show had them together in two episodes, but the revelation that Minato was a kind soul was enough for Tsukiumi to accept him as her Ashikabi. We didn't get any genuine "in love" moments until farther down the line. Here, we see them go on two dinner dates and a movie and suddenly she's totally his.
The best moments of a story are ones that are built to. The audience won't mind waiting if the build up is properly paced and the pay-off is satisfying. As Joss Whedon once said, "Cool moments have to be earned."
| Hartless Bastard chapter 10 . 3/5
Question: Why isn't Tsukiumi speaking in Shakespearean English? I know that she spoke in Old Japanese in the series and the English translation is the same either way, but it really would've helped her character stand out if you'd taken a cue from the dub.
Also, you're missing a few commas in the dialog, like when Kazehana declares herself Minato's wife and partner. The comma there would take the place of the "and", helping to break up the sentence.
Again, try reading your dialog out-loud when you write it. It'll help you spot little things like that.
| Ikrani chapter 4 . 3/5
Speaking as a die-hard fan of the show, I feel like you might've jumped the gun by having Minato fall so strongly for Kazehana. The two have only known each other for a few days tops and yet they're totally head-over-heels for each other? Not easy to buy. I mean, in the show, Kazehana only STARTED to take interest in Minato after a few weeks of chance encounters. I get that this is a "What If" for Kazehana being Minato's first instead of Musubi (who, I'll be honest, I feel is one of the weakest of the main six Sekirei in terms of character), but I still feel this could've been paced out a little better.
You had the right idea with the two goons and Kazehana wanting to keep the Sekirei plan a secret from Minato, but then in the very same night she's totally okay with revealing it to him. I think one more nasty encounter, possibly with another Sekirei (to REALLY sell Minato being a hopeless heroic type) would've helped. It would've compelled Kazehana to reveal the Sekirei Plan to Minato now that she's realized that as long as their together there's no way to keep him out of it. This might've then led to a character moment for Minato where he says no goon nor superhuman badass was going to push him away from Kazehana.
Finally, all the "my loves" and other cliched names for sappy romantic couples? Really don't think that's needed. These two are already very clear on their feelings for one another, and them using said terms doesn't quite mesh with their characters as established by the story and by the show.
But aside from all that, not half bad. You haven't quite realized the characters fully, but that might be because you're trying a different spin on them. Kazehana certainly seems more sexually active pre-emergence than she was on the show, and Minato seems less nervous about sexuality himself. Still, advice: when writing dialog, read it out-loud. Try to act it out, and see if it still fits.
| Jose19 chapter 13 . 8/5/2015
I hope you understand that one of the Sekirei's main functions other than fighting, and participating in this tournament is to reproduce and have children since they left their world because it was ravaged by war, and most of the male population was wiped out.
The Sekireis when they arrived on Earth were modified to accept the DNA of humans so they can reproduce and start all over again so Minato has to be careful because they are compatible for Humans so they can have children with them.
| Jose19 chapter 12 . 8/5/2015
Uzume can take care of herself but I want to see what type of role she has in the story she is one of my favorites, and it was very sad for what happened to her.
| Jose19 chapter 11 . 8/5/2015
I still have questions why Uzume is alive if Chiho died because it is common knowledge when a Sekirei dies that they die as well because of their link with them.
| Jose19 chapter 10 . 8/5/2015
Minato is changed from what I am used seeing because he is normally wimpy and a pushover when it comes to the women, and in the story he is still a cherry boy since he hasn't made any moves with any of his Sekireis.