|Reviews for Divine Intervention|
| Chibi chapter 1 . 10/25/2016
I noticed something weird, that I don't think anyone else has pointed out to you. She mentions she is Sakurano Tazusa in one line and then after he says why would she being so famous for being her make up a story for attention and then you wrote that she was surprised because she never said her name to him when she did previous to his remark. I also observed quite a few spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. In addition, I wish there was a bit more of a set up in the beginning instead of diving straight into Tazusa's thoughts, as I needed a background. It felt like I was rushed straight into a paragraph in the story rather than it having the chance to visualize the scene first. The plot is okay from what I have read so far but it feels really rushed for what seems like a complex idea. You need to work on formatting and keep each characters actions in the same paragraph as their quote before starting the next paragraph. This would make it easier to read. You may also want to consider including more transition are phrases. Also rephrasing certain lines would create more fluidity in your writing. Take for example the last few lines of what you call the prologue. "Their eyes meet," is a rather sudden break between Pete's action, his words, and then conjoined action. Furthermore, he continues talking after that so that phrase felt awkward. Perhaps writing in past tense would have helped in this story, as writing fluidity in present tense is hard and can often feel choppy. There were a few tense changes momentarily in your story too. Changing his expression is unchanged to perhaps "with his expression unchanging (would static be a better word to use?), Pete's eyes met Tazusa's eyes. "Don't worry," he said while laying a hand over hers." would have sounded nicer but the formatting should be changed here as well. There needs to be a break between that and Tazusa's following thought. To me the prologue felt more like chapter one but that may just be my opinion, as I was lost on what exactly I was being introduced to. As stated earlier, I felt rushed into the story, right into the plot rather than being introduced.
Despite all I've critiqued, I feel that you have a good idea and should work on editing and revising what you already have. I can see the potential of this story so keep working hard!
| Guest chapter 10 . 12/1/2014
Brilliant... Simply outstanding.. I could see them all the while!
| Anime fan chapter 7 . 8/14/2013
I love this story!
| nic923 chapter 10 . 3/22/2013
I liked your story a lot. After seeing the anime, this happy end was exactly what I was looking for. Thanks for the story.
| dianalovesrock17 chapter 10 . 7/26/2012
OMG! I LOVED YOUR STORY! IT'S SO CUTE!:3
I loved this anime! and I knew i had to look for fanfiction about it. Let me tell you I dont regret that since i founf this awesome story! :3
| Darifica chapter 10 . 1/25/2012
It's a shame that this story doesn't have so much feedback, which it deserves, and the series itself is way underrated :(
It was a good story, only downside was that at the end it seemed a little rushed, but nobody is perfect. The rest of the story made up for that for being so sweet. I loved it .
| GrapeOfWrath chapter 10 . 10/18/2011
As an avid reader and a fan of anime, I must congratulate you on your 'Divine Intervention' story. I've been reading here for quite some time, and I've never come across a story that I enjoyed as thoroughly as this one. Ginban Kaleidoscope is one of my favorite animes, yet one that I have always felt to be romantically incomplete. Your story provides an acceptable "what if" scenario, and plays out beautifully from beginning to end. The entire time I was reading, I kept thinking to myself 'this could very well be cast as an OVA for the anime". The plot was entertaining and at times very emotional, the character portrayal was spot-on, and the ending was simply amazing. You had a fair number of typos and grammatical errors throughout, but either through a second proofreading or an editor those can be fixed fairly easily. Also, your tensing was off in some chapters, but I think that was due to how easily most writers tend to stray between simple and perfect. Just something you as a writer should give some more attention to, trying to stay within one tense. Finally, you seem to have broken paragraphs up with the general same idea fairly often. You could have gotten away with combining at least 15 or 20 of those smaller paragraphs into bigger ones, though that may just be personal style. I don't mean to critique so hard, but as an English major I tend to pinpoint mistakes in everything I read, so don't feel bad. This was overall a fantastic piece of work, and one that I will happily come back to whenever I nostalgically watch the last episode of Ginban Kaleidoscope.
2 for a plot managing to keep me entertained enough to one-shot this story.
2 for motivating me enough to literally have to sign up for membership to be able to leave this review, seeing as anonymous reviews have been disabled.
1 for being lengthy(ish) and still maintaining a sense purpose throughout. Too often people who write longer stories tend to lose focus in the middle.
-0.5 for the fairly insubstantial grammatical and proofreading errors.
-0.5 for making me have to sign up to be a member, it was a hassle :)
So as far as ratings go, overall your story gets 9/10 from me. I hope you continue to write, because you certainly do have a wonderful talent for it. Be well,
| setti13 chapter 1 . 3/13/2011
I LOVED IT!
I noticed some misspellings somewhere but I guess I understand. It's a huge block of text.
| ilovedeathdyingandbeingdead chapter 10 . 12/16/2010
How does this story only have 13 reviews? HOW? It's much better than mine! Maybe it's cause some crazy people out there have never heard of this anime. (Maybe cause this anime doesn't have a manga)
I loved this story so much, and I noticed there were hardly any mistakes, if at all. It's a beautiful story, I hate Sasaki, and everyone was in character, I hate Sasaki, the image of Pete pouting made me want to pout with him, and I hate Sasaki. :)
| ukatoemina chapter 10 . 11/14/2010
I love it! :" 3 Finally a happy ending for Pete and Tazusa xD
| cypher404 chapter 4 . 6/10/2010
Erm ... i guess i will pass in reading more the plot did interested me a lot and the story is going great as well but your writting style didn't suit me at all sorry
| cypher404 chapter 3 . 6/8/2010
lol i got confused a bit at first when you changed the the view of point from tazusa to pete
| cypher404 chapter 2 . 6/8/2010
erm... is it just me or you have done a lot of grammar mistakes and not mention usage use of perfect tense in few starting lines? well any ways it seems you are writting in first person in view point of tazusa
| cypher404 chapter 1 . 6/8/2010
humm... the plot is pretty much the same as anime hope you twist the story in the next chapters
| kaizer20 chapter 1 . 5/19/2010
You are so awesome!